Are You a Penis Man?
Let me start by saying that this is not one of those estrogen-inspired, male-bashing articles. I happen to have a very healthy respect for testosterone and for the vessels which carry it in abundance; namely men. After all, I happen to live with four of these testosterone carriers and have definitely survived to tell the tale. Not to take credit for the term “penis man”, I must admit to having heard a guy use it several years ago. Admittedly, it definitely struck a chord back then, as I’m sure it will with readers now. Not that there was an all out thesis-statement then with my friend’s use of the term but as a writer on sex and sexual issues, I have taken it upon myself to re-coin the term and add my own inimitable spin on it.
Since all normal men have penises, the term seems to hold its fair share of redundancies. So what exactly is a PM? And what happens to us girls if we happen to live with one? A PM for all intents and purposes is a guy who has two heads (like all other guys I’m sure) but is guided wholly and solely by the one in his pants. Huh? Isn’t that so with all the regular guys we know? (Well not exactly.) So what exactly is my point? There is an old German proverb which says “When the penis grows hard, the brain goes soft.” That sums up expertly and accurately the plight of this particular male species. The Penis Man is so much guided by the radar in his boxer-shorts that he will allow it to influence all of his decision-making. His good-judgment can become virtually non-existent because his penis is somewhat squeezing the very life out of the gray-matter in his brain.
Now I actually believe in a brand of male sexuality that is good, healthy, and right up there with the vitamin-rich, whole-grain cereal our Doctors swear is good for us. There is nothing like a guy with a confident swagger who knows he is sexy to boot but who will not use his obvious sex-appeal to disadvantage the girl in the office or the Granny in the supermarket aisle. In other words, he has good sex-appeal but is not vain or unscrupulous with it. And to his Mother or Grandmother’s credit, he displays a fair share of good manners and that sweet, old-fashioned chivalry which make us girls go weak at the knees every time. But this article is not about that type of guy. We can spot this kind a mile away and he’s usually the type we want to take home to our mothers. We can well imagine living with him behind the white picket fence and having him father our babies. But alas, we are forced to enter the real world where other varieties exist. The reality is that this Exhibit A of which I speak, is a rare gem in the dessert and quite hard to find in the everyday world where most of us live.
The truth is that many of the brothers have learned to capitalize on what works for them and many of us women have been the easy suckers who have fallen for their game. The following descriptions are designed to help you recognize the Penis Man/Men in your life and hopefully you may be influenced to act or choose wisely from here onward.
The PM will (if he could) watch himself having sex and when finished lean back for the standing ovation; all with a silly smirk on his face (somewhat like the cat that swallowed the canary). This tells us that PM’s are highly performance-oriented and narcissistic. Everything is really all about their egos and how good they are in bed. What feeds this behaviour however is not the PM’s genuine concern for his partner’s enjoyment or well-being. He is motivated instead by a selfish desire to be known as “the best”. This is so he could have fuel for his locker-room or “over-drinks” conversations with his other peeps.
Penis Men therefore do not really respect women. All women are walking, living, breathing vaginas for the taking. Women to PMs are reduced to mere sexual objects for their pleasure and for the gratification of their egos. A PM will not give a woman the time of day, unless he believes that he can get into her pants; after all to Penis Men, women serve no other purpose but sex and if not that, at least a fair share of lustful ogling. A PM therefore may be very flattering in his comments. He may also see all women as “honeys” and “sweethearts” because women are only as valuable as he constructs them to be. (Ever wondered about the invention of the term “Playboy Bunny”?)
The Penis Man’s obsession with sex a la “penis grows hard, brain goes soft”, ensures that he does not think through his sexual choices with any clarity or intelligence. He engages in highly risky sexual behaviour because sex is all about the thrill of danger. The more dangerous the escapade, the more excited he becomes and the more interested he is in perpetuating this behaviour. For example, a PM will have unprotected sex with multiple partners. No matter how much some PMs may be warned about the dangers of unprotected sex, they ultimately believe that they will cheat disease. To the PM there is nothing more important than his pleasure and personal aggrandizement. Risky sexual behaviour also includes having sex with someone’s wife, doing it in a room at work when he thinks no one is looking, having sex with a minor, and of course lying constantly to feed his sexual addiction. At the worst level a Penis Man could even be on the down low!
Ultimately the Penis Man is one who worships at the feet of sex. He is guided daily in his sexual decisions by the anticipation of pleasure despite the risks, cost, or consequences. This is however symptomatic of deeper emotional and psychological issues. To be fair to him, he may have had attachment issues from childhood and may have experienced a lack of love, attention or a consistent sense of being nurtured. Sex, once it was discovered, became then a substitute for feelings of worth and acceptance. He may have tried to use pleasure as a substitute for feelings of inadequacy and incompleteness. He may have also suffered from female sexual abuse as a teen (yes guys that first older woman who laid you was really your child-abuser). As a result, he believed every lie she and every woman since that time spouted; that he was no better than the length and weight of his penis. Is it any wonder that Penis Men actually become obsessed with their literal penis (duh) and will either boast of its size, lie about it or wonder how it compares with others?
Unfortunately, the woman who finds herself involved with a PM is in for the ride of her life, and I don’t mean “fun ride”. She is likely to be a victim of insensitivity and infidelity in such a relationship. And I’m not suggesting that PMs never care about a woman’s pleasure; not by any means. Of course he wants to hear her scream the house down and particularly he wants her to scream his name. However where we women go wrong is in misunderstanding the PM’s obsession with our bodies. At the heart of this, is a man who cares primarily about himself. He does not understand anything about notions of selfless love or integrity. The PM is not into a woman for who she is. He just wants to use her vagina until a brighter, friendlier more unfamiliar
one comes along; as every woman with a broken heart on account of repeated unfaithfulness already knows.
For the woman who knows her worth and wants to be valued as a whole person, the Penis Man will never, ever do. For the woman who was taken for a ride by a PM and was hurt in the process, there is absolutely nothing wrong with walking away; (stiff upper lip, chin up, you go girl!) For the woman who walks with eyes wide open, right into a relationship with this “bad boy” because she thinks this is hot and sexy, well, she has her own set of issues and that is a whole other article and discussion.
Denise J Charles easily describes herself as the quintessential Renaissance woman with her hands in many pies. She is a wife and mother of three sons, an educator who has taught from High School to University, a performance poet, Artistic Director, published author, blogger, counselor and relationship coach. She is a qualified “trainer of trainers” and also holds a Master’s Degree in Education. Denise is from the beautiful island of Barbados. You can find Denise’s thoughts on sex and sexuality on her blog Red Red Apples (http://redredapples.wordpress.com/).
Copyright Denise J Charles 2011