Boyfriend Doesn't Want Sex Anymore

My boyfriend--who I love very much--and I have been together for three years. Over the last two weeks he hasn't wanted to have sex with me at all. I'm starting to think its me. I've tried to talk to him but he keeps saying it's nothing. Before this we were having sex about 3-4 times a week maybe more. Now it has been once in two weeks and he wasn't interested and the sex like it used to be.

We are only 21 and I have no clue what to do. I've tried having showers together and making the moves but he just rolls over or ignores me.

I will evaluate this situation by looking not at his words, because there don't appear to be any, and words rarely tell the truth, and instead I will focus on his actions or lack thereof to help you understand this.

You know there is something seriously changed and chances are you are right. His abrupt behavior change is telling you he wants distance and no connection with you. No speaking/ emotional and no physical/sexual. And as harsh as this may seem in print I know you know this inside of you.

Any man who has had access to and enjoyed sex 3-4 times a week who all of a sudden stops has a pretty good reason or drive to 'cut himself off'. The why he is acting this way is subject to conjecture. Have you been pressuring him for a commitment after 3 years?

Because you are living together or because you are college students and with graduation you will no longer be together on the same campus. Perhaps he feels backed into a corner?

He obviously liked having sex with you on a regular basis, being with you but now knows, "Hey I'm only 21 and I need to have more women."

Is he getting sex elsewhere? Is there another person? Most 21 year old men have their male friends as more important than a woman so maybe there was peer pressure. Has there been a huge event happen in his family that may have impacted him unlike you could know?

Many times in life people will have their behaviors say what their mouths cannot. In this case he wants distance or the end of your relationship and he is setting it up by treating you this way so you do the ending because he can't, or so he doesn't have to. Either way the result is the same. Now please pay close attention to this, know tha

HIS behavior is not because of you and there is likely little to nothing you can do to change his behavior, no showers no making moves, ONLY he can change his behavior. You are responsible for yours, you can't create his.

This will help you to not make yourself crazy that you could have done something.

Please know he may have said things to you that he truly meant when he was 18 and you were first together but as you know we change so much from 18 to 21 and what he said at first still is true for then, but not for now. You love this man, and chances are he will always have a part of your heart; our first loves generally do. They set a pattern for how we connect and attract people into our lives.

Dr. Ruthie discusses what a couple can do when they are in a sexless relationship. (Via

About The Author

Lou paget
Lou Paget
Lou Paget is a certified AASECT* sex educator and grassroots researcher whose quest for accurate, practical information for herself has created a highly successful international seminar and product company with a focus on lifestyle and cultural trends that impact our sexuality, health, and relationships. Find out more about Lou. Follow on Twitter and Facebook
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