Is Fantasizing About Other Women Cheating?

Is there a problem if you are sexually active with one partner but when you have sex, you think about other women in your past and present? Say, fantasize about these other women while your having sex--sometimes not even while having sex, sometimes when sleeping.

This is a common question. There is nothing wrong with having fantasies about other women while in a relationship or sexually present with someone else.

Fantasies are a huge part of who a lot of us are as sexual beings, and often they actually end up promoting more intimacy between partners.

Fantasy is also often suggested as a way to spice things up in a monogamous relationship that may have turned monotonous.

The only concern I would have here would be that these fantasies are about actual women you’ve had (or have) in your life. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, I wouldn’t suggest telling your partner about these fantasies because it may unnecessarily upset her.

It is one thing to fantasize about celebrities or people we have never met, but to fantasize about someone who we could potentially turn the fantasies to reality with can be really threatening.

Evaluate why you are fantasizing about these particular women in your life and if it has something to do with having feelings for them, you may want to consider what that means.

However, if it is just because you find something about them sexual, but you’d never take it outside of your fantasy to real time--fantasize away! interviews Chrisanna Northrup, co-author of New York Times bestseller The Normal Bar about how often the individuals are fantasizing.

About The Author

Kristen mark
Dr. Kristen Mark
Kristen Mark, PhD, MPH, is an Assistant Professor and Director of the Sexual Health Promotion Laboratory at University of Kentucky. She is also the Survey Director for Good in Bed, a writer for Kinsey Confidential, Psychology Today, and Huffington Post,. Find out more about Kristen on her website, read her blogs on, follow her on FacebookTwitter, and Pintrest.
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