She's Worried About Her Intense Orgasms

I'm wondering about the intensity of my orgasms. They have been very intense for 15 years but since my hysterectomy a year ago they have become almost violent, I'm doing full sit ups and violently slamming my upper body back onto the bed repeatedly sometimes up to a few minutes at a time. Is this normal?

My guy is sometimes "soft" after this, and can't get hard. Have I traumatised him?

What you describe is a normal sexual response some women experience during orgasm. Every person's orgasm experience is unique, and each orgasm is different and can occur to varying degree.

In fact, the experience of an intense orgasm can overwhelm the senses to a point where the person may pass out for a few moments. Perhaps this is why the French call orgasm, "la petite mort" (the little death).

There is also anecdotal evidence of women, like you, having a seizure-like response when orgasming, similar to an epilectic one.

Your intense body contractions could simply be a normal part of your sexual response.

The Sexual Response Cycle
The sexual cycle consists of four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution (watch the video above to find out more).

Increased muscle tension occurs throughout the body during sexual arousal.


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During the buildup to an orgasm your body will contract and curve inwards as it tenses up.

When you orgasm, it is an explosion of that energy: your posture will open up and naturally move outwards.

Involuntary Orgasm Movements
Your movements becomes involuntary close to orgasm. Your body will shudder, your pelvis can move very rapidly, your hands can grasp, your head can be flung backwards. With each contraction, your breathing and heart rate will be dramatically increased, blood will rush to your chest and face giving you 'sex flush'.

During orgasm, your brain will also shut off for a few seconds. This is all normal.

It's important to note: Individuals may find changes in their sexual response and intensity of orgasm--whether that be more intense orgasms or less intense orgasms--depending on things such as emotional state, mood, physical stimulations, and partner.

You Need To Be Comfortable With Your Orgasm
It seems you are uncomfortable with how your body reacts to orgasm. As such, you need to ask yourself how you feel about your intense bodily movements, before talking to your partner about his reaction.

Because I'm not there in the bedroom with you, the only way to find out why your partner erection sometimes becomes semi-erect or soft after your orgasm is to...talk to him about it. Yes, this is an awkward and difficult conversation, yet once it's out in the open communication can bring you and your partner sexually closer.

For History Buffs...
In 1953, Dr. Alfred Kinsey published Sexual Behavior of the Human Female and wrote about this, "In the most extreme types of sexual reaction, an individual who has experienced orgasm may double and throw their whole body into continuous and violent motion, arch their back, throw their hips, twist their head, thrust out their arms and legs, verbalize, moan, groan or scream...The movements are obviously involuntary and they are for the most part beyond voluntary control."

Watch this video to discover the science of orgasms for both men and women. (via Asap Science)


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About The Author

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Trina Read
Trina Read is the founder of VivaXO.com and Eat Drink Love and CBC radio Relationship Expert. She is a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator; and  is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
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