Three Ways to Get In the Mood For Sex

Do you know what men do so much better than women? They shut out the rest of the world when it is time for sex. Women, on the other hand, can get very distracted during sex, which is one of the reasons that we don’t get aroused or have orgasms as easily.

The distraction is not surprising. From an early age we are taught that sex is not for us and that women who are very interested in sex or display their sexuality are sluts. This slut-shaming is a big reason women to turn off our connection to our sexuality and desire which makes it very hard to get excited during sex.

In order for you to get turned on and have intense orgasms, you need to get into your body, allow your arousal to rise and fall, and focus on sexy thoughts and fantasies.

If you are waiting passively for your partner to excite you, you might just wait forever.

With these three ideas you can take matters into your own hands.

Get Into Your Body
When women first start engaging in sex, we usually go quickly into trying to connect with and please our partners before we even connect to ourselves and our own body.

When you start having sex, you need to get into yourself first. This might sound selfish, but since your arousal is the biggest gift you can give to your partner during sex, getting into yourself first is actually quite generous.

To get into your body during sex

  • Take time at the beginning to let your partner give you light, sexy touch while you take slow, deep breaths. You may need to close your eyes at first to really feel your body.
  • Tune into the sensations in your body and start to make the connection with your pelvic floor; you can do this by focusing on your pelvic floor or doing Kegels (PC squeezes).
  • Start to move your body and make sounds in ways that enhance your pleasure and engagement.

Get Your Head in the Game
If you really want to get hot during sex you can begin feeding yourself with images and stories that get your juices flowing. The more you think about sex the more you want it. One of the most effective ways you can start getting yourself fully engaged in sex is by finding out what turns you on and asking for it or thinking about it when you are begin engaging in sex.

Where can you find these sexy stories, images and ideas? From highly erotic but non-pornographic movies. Women get aroused much more from the psychological aspects of a scene or plot and much less by certain body parts moving in and out of other body parts.

Whether you fantasize a lot or not at all, the brain loves new inspiration so we suggest you check out some movies or stories, either by yourself or with your lover, that you can use to lubricate your brain and get your head ready and excited for sex.

Some of our favorites include Unfaithful, Secretary, and Wild Orchid. You might also check out some real-life women’s fantasies in Women on Top by Nancy Friday. Once you have a good idea of what turns you on, tell your partner or share some scenes and stories; you can do this in bed or as a warm-up before you even get started.

Don’t Panic When Your Arousal Goes Down
In bed, we often compare ourselves to men and think that we should just get aroused and that our arousal should build steadily until we orgasm. The truth is, women’s arousal takes some time to get started and goes up and down during a sexual experience.

When we don’t get worried or preoccupied when it goes down, it can come right back up.

Dr. Ian Kerner explains why foreplay is an important part of someone reaching orgasm. (via ShareCareVideo)

Common search terms for this topic: erotica, Foreplay, sexual desire, sexual desire disorder, sexual desire definition, sexual desire inventory, sexual desire after menopause, sexual desire after hysterectomy, sexual desire before period, sexual desire control, sexual desire enhancer, sexual desire for someone, sexual desire gap, sexual desire hormone, sexual desire in women, sexual desire just before period, sexual desire low, sexual desire neurotransmitter, sexual desire pregnancy, sexual desire research, sexual desire test, no sexual desire unless drunk, sexual desire vs lust, sexual desire with age, sexual desire youtube, zero sexual desire.

About The Author

Celeste and danielle
Danielle & Celeste
Dr. Danielle Harel, Ph.D. and Celeste Hirschman, M.A.,, are Sex Coaches and Relationship Therapist who have created a revolutionary, new experiential method of therapy called the Somatica Method—they help couples, men and women live more passionate, connected and fulfilling lives. They are also the authors of Cockfidence: The Extraordinary Lovers Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild. Follow on Twitter and Facebook.
comments powered by Disqus