Why I Didn't Want To Write Another Book
I’ve decided to write another book called The Sex Course. It wasn’t an easy decision. Not by a long stretch. In fact, it took many years to get to a point where I felt I had something worthy enough to write about.
After writing three self-published books, and my (best selling) published book, Till Sex Do Us Part, I understood what a massive undertaking writing, editing and marketing a book was. Walking away from the book publishing experience, I often wondeed if it had been worth the effort.
As the years passed, I convince myself it wasn’t. Looking around my local libraries or book stores, seeing thousands of books, I would say to myself, “The world does not need another book.”
When other Sexologiists published something insightful and well written I thought, There’s nothing more I can add to this discussion.
I “Chose” To Burn Myself Out…??!?!?
Let’s unpack why I didn't want to write another book.
For many years I had nothing to say. It wasn’t writer’s block. Rather, I was burnt out and disillusioned about my industry. Unbeknownst to me, I was undergoing a hard life lesson I desperately needed to learn: I wasn’t strong enough to set boundaries; or felt worthy enough to make a half decent living.
You would, most likely, be shocked by the obscene amount of time, energy and money I put into getting my brand out there. I wanted to believe that by creating a big platform, the money would follow. At my pinnacle, I was in talks for my own TV show. I was a regular TV and radio guest, getting called for interviews around the world. One day at my local grocery store, I had been quoted in all the major women’s magazines that lined their shelves.
But it never translated into money. Or to be more accurate, I didn’t know how to take all the platform and translate it into business revenue.
Was It Worth It? No
The obsessive focus on my business almost cost me my marriage. My husband would see the time, stress and anxiety I put myself through and would constantly ask me how much money I made. (If your partnered, you may appreciate the impact on our sex life...oh the irony.) For many years I tried to prove him wrong. Ultimately, he got this one right.
The question I would dread hearing my mother ask was, “Did you make money doing that?” And I would have to explain—again—NO, but it was a great opportunity.
I was blind to the media and the new and burgeoning online websites happy to take advantage of me—because I let them. I gave myself away bit by bit until I couldn’t justify why I had worked so hard for relatively no ROI. It was heartbreaking and soul sucking.
Maybe now you can understand the very thought of spending hundreds of (free) hours to write another book prompted a visceral, body ache reaction.
Not that anyone should feel sorry for this fundamental life lesson. I’ve always been overly stubborn and single minded, and I made it incredibly difficult for myself to learn this one. The good news I’m coming out the other side of this a much more savvy, confident and competent human being.
Regardless of where my career goes, I’ve got my shit together and I’m in an excellent place. That's enough.
Coming Back To My Roots
I learned during this process I love being a Sexologist and I’m very good at it. Which is ultimately why I unconsciously decided to write this book.
It is my love letter to women around the world that her sexual self-esteem and sexual happiness are absolutely, 110% important and worth it. I want women to have and experience the very best and fulfilling sex life possible for her. I want women to confidently walk into the bedroom and express her sexual needs, wants, and desires without a shred of doubt , guilt or shame.
I’m not writing this book for my career, I’m writing this book because millions of women deserve to be sexual happy.
Writing A Book Chose Me
How did I do complete turn around? It all started when I was out for breakfast with friends. They asked what I was up to and out of my mouth popped, “Oh, I’m writing a book.”
Even though I got whip lash from thinking, “WTF did I just say?” a calm overcame me. I had always known this to be a truth and now was the right time to proceed. (Sorry if that’s too woo-woo for you, it’s even a little woo-woo for me.)
Here’s The Real Woo-woo Part Of This Story
It took several weeks to wrap my head around what I had declared to my friends. But at the same time, there was a seed of an exciting idea starting to sprout in my creative brain.
I cannot tell you how anxious I felt opening computer files with past book ideas (I will write a sad, sorry blog post about that next time…) reliving all the reasons I failed at being a Sexologist.
Amidst these fully formed book ideas complete with book proposals (sigh) was a “Misc.” folder. I opened it to see what throw-away files I had parked.
And there it was.
The very same book idea that had rolling around in my brain for the past few weeks. The first several chapters written. Outline, notes, story arc, type of character, research, already done.
To say my mind was blown would be an understatement. I had completely wiped this book out of my memory. I believe I dropped this book idea because, at the time, it was too complex for me to manage.
It’s Time To Kick Some Ass
Here I am 15 years later with a ton of life experience behind me. I’m a mom, going through peri-menopause. I have brought my marriage back from the brink and we are stronger and happier as a couple then we have ever been. My perspective is deep and rich. Book worthy, one might say. You can only get this kind of wisdom by going through the shit.
For fear of being over cliché or worse yet, a meme, I am grateful for the last few “years of tears”. It’s going make for one kick ass book.
What I am writing is very different than anything you see on the market. The Sex Course is a new and intersting idea in a sea of millions of book ideas. Words cannot describe how excited I am to share it with you.
Please follow this blog. I will journal my journey of getting my book from my head, to a publisher, into your lovely hands.
Thanks and love to everyone for their support.