Why You Should Read "Amy Finds Her Sex"
What Is A Self-Help-Fiction Book?
Good question. I’m not sure if there is an actual Self-Help-Fiction genre or whether I made this term up. (Note to self: Look up whether this genre exists. Okay, I looked it up and it seems like there could be some books out there but it’s a bit sketchy whether this is an actual book genre.)
Women Will Always Choose Fiction Over Self-Help
I’ve observed over my almost 20-year career, most women are reluctant to pick up a self-help book on sex. There are at least a thousand well written self-help sex books offering men, women, gender binary, and couples, a ton of guidance, support and helpful insight. Sadly, this self-help genre rarely sales well.
Conversely, most women happily grab and enthusiastically read a romance, chick-lit, erotica, or any fiction that has sex and romance involved—think of how many women you saw on the beach or bus boldly reading Fifty Shades Of Grey.
If YOU were in a book store and there were two books side-by-side—one had all the answers to help your sex life thrive; the other was a fiction with a sexy premise—which one would you pick up? Most likely you would breezily pick up the fiction and actively avoid the self-help book.
As a sex educator (who wrote a self-help book on sex), it’s disheartening to see this trend will, most likely, never change. And also incredibly frustrating since millions of women feel isolated and alone trying to figure out how to have a more enjoyable sex life.
How Fiction and Self Help Merge In Amy Finds Her Sex
This idea of putting fictional characters through an actual sex ed course came to me over 15 years ago (you might have read my AFHS first blog).
Fast recap: Each of the four characters are not happy with her sex life, and find herself attending a ‘progressive’ university course given at by a controversial professor. The four characters are put into a group and together experience what it’s like to take an actual sexuality course. The reader finds out how each character takes in and manages the course curriculum given where she is at in her own sexuality.
Whereas in a traditional self-help book, the reader is asked to go through exercises to improve her present situation. In Amy Finds Her Sex, the reader gains insight and perspective from what the four characters do while going through each class exercise.
Here's An Example Of Self-Help-Fiction
An over arching theme to Amy Finds Her Sex is the characters can only have the sex they want by asking for it. Why is that important? You need to read the context before I can give the why.
Context: If you were to ask a million women why she wasn’t having the sex she desired, a big piece of the puzzle would be (drum roll please)...she never asked for what she wanted.
It is my experience those women who are mostly ‘meh’ about having sex, take what she is given in the sexual experience, and don’t ask for anything more or different. With feminism, #MeToo, female emancipation, or whatever decade and social cause we are in, it really has made little to no difference for women to ask for what she wants sexually.
Convincing women that it’s not only okay to ask for what she wants sexually, it would also make her partner happy if she did—has been a constant sexual-self-improvement talking point that will not be going away anytime soon. Women understand on an intellectual level that her sexual needs are important and equal, but there are too many road blocks getting in her way of following through.
Here’s the why: One reason many women don’t ask for her sexual needs to be met is she is afraid of the fall out. It made sense to write each character in Amy Finds Her Sex asking for something different and/ or something she wants out of her sexual experience. And, of course, each characters faces the fall out from her request. The book shows the reader how each character figured out a way through it. And ultimately because she does work through her challenge, her sexual happiness is much better off.
What Does The Reader Get Out Of It?
The reader has an opportunity to experience intimately and personally how other women might deal with their sexual identity, sexual self-esteem and sexual happiness. She gets to try on an idea to see if it fits with who she is before deciding whether to take the dive into doing something different with her own sexuality.
Through all four characters, the reader will find out how changing your sex life might not always be easy or convenient and ultimately it will be worth her effort.