Question: It seems I’m always too tired to have sex. What can I do?

Dr. Trina’s Response: There’s a reason sleep is considered the new sex: exhaustion is very real and a big concern for couples. Generally though, being tired shouldn’t equate to a person’s motivation to have sex.

Unfortunately, “I’m too tired” can easily become a bad habit—saying it before you really think about whether you are or not.

Or it can be a cover up for other things that have gone wrong in the bedroom: lack of communication, build up of resentment, boring sex, the list goes on and on. Sometimes it’s easier for a couple to sidestep huge arguments by saying they are tired rather than opening that Pandora’s Box.

If you are genuinely tired, the two of you need to create more realistic expectations around what you can do to keep sex on the radar given your lifestyle and schedule.

Scheduling sex is the easiest way for a couple to keep their sex life on the radar. Research proves couples who schedule sex have more sex that is mutually satisfying.

Keep in mind, the feel good hormones that are released during sex might just be what you need for a pick-me-up…or to get to sleep faster which is also nice.

Great Sex Tip
Focus on maintaining intimacy outside the bedroom as it will fill in the lack of having sex often enough gaps.

Question: How do I tell my guy that his bad breath ruins my mood?

Dr. Trina’s Response: Sadly, I believe, a big reason couples lose their desire to kiss passionately is a lack of attention to their (bad) breath. Yet, bad breath is one of those “darned if you say something and darned if you don’t” predicaments.

Sometimes subtle tactics work; hints like, offering a stick of gum, sprig of parsley or whatever breath freshener is available. However, most people pick up on this, will probably get defensive and walk away in a huff—breaking the (already broken) mood.

You need to ask yourself: is your guy’s bad breath a once in a while thing, or is it chronic? If it is the latter, a trip to the dentist may be in order. Otherwise it means having a gentle chat that acceptable breath isn’t only for his work environment.

Remember, it’s a big motivation for him to know fresh breath equals you feeling more romantic.

Then show him this trick: When he wants to get romantic, simply lick the inside of his wrist and sniff. If he does not like what he smells, he immediately needs to do something to alleviate the situation.

Great Sex Tip
Make sure to keep something like a pack of Listerine PocketPaks at your bedside table when things start heating up. You will both have minty fresh breath and things will stay heated up.

Question: Can I have sex during my menstrual period?

Dr. Trina’s Response
There isn’t any physiological reason why a couple shouldn’t have sex during a woman’s period. All aspects of her sexual response are the same. In fact, couples can use a vibrator or have oral sex, if they choose.

What usually stops many a couple from having sex during her period is the ‘ick’ factor. Yet some women find the experience quite erotic as she already has the ‘full’ feeling in her pelvic area.

The best way to navigate the “should we have sex during your period” situation is let the woman be the guide as to what is going to happen over that three to seven days.

A word of caution: although it is very rare, there is a slim chance a gal can get pregnant during her period. As well, be cautious and protect yourself from blood-borne pathogens such as HIV and Hepatitis. Condoms and dental dams are always the best way to protect you and your partner.

Great Sex Tip
If you feel a bit uncomfortable about the potential mess but at the same time are horny, a good idea is to have sex in the shower. Otherwise, an old towel laid out will do the trick nicely.

Question: Is it true that scent can get me in the mood for sex?

Dr. Trina’s Answer: Scent certainly can help. Scent is the only sense out of the five that can bypass the rational brain and go straight to the limbic system, which is also in charge of your memory and emotions.

That means you have a cache of ‘scent memory’ which has the power to trigger and pull you through a past event, eliciting the same guttural emotional response. It’s these scent memories that can have a beneficial effect on your arousal.

Here are some things we know are scientifically true about scent:
• No two people smell the same odor the same way.
• A person never experiences one smell the same way twice.
• Your ability to detect odors changes daily and depends on your physiological condition.
• You have the ability to distinguish 10,000 individual scents,

Scientists have been studying scent and found the winner for men was a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie, producing a 40 percent increase in arousal. Women preferred baby powder and a combination of Good and Plenty licorice candy with cucumber.

Great sex tip
Why scent works to increase your libido is a little fact and a little hocus-pocus. If it gets you jacked up and good to go, that’s all that really matters.

Question: My sex life has definitely hit a rut. What can I do to make it fun?

Dr. Trina’s Answer
You have so many options the hard part will be choosing. The trick is you have to: (1) figure out new ideas; (2) be willing to break your sex routine and; (3) not take your sex so seriously.

Let’s look at the average couple’s bedroom sex scene. They have: very little to no talking, no changing up of the old and tired sex routine, certainly no laughing, no toys, no games, no nothing.

Does this make you want to run to the bedroom and throw off your clothes? Yawn. Me neither. Curling up with a favorite book elicits more stimulation. It is easy to understand why, over time, kids, work, or hobbies often take precedent.

To change your sex routine, here’s a few pointers:
Talk. If you don’t talk about what’s going on in your sex life it will never change.
Understand the problem.
Separate the nonsexual issues from the sexual ones. What are the facts—not emotions—around any sexual challenges?
Teach each other new sexual techniques.

Everyone’s version of what constitutes a good time is different. Hence, creating a fun-space means sitting down and discussing what the two of you find enjoyable and, more importantly, how you will make time.

Great Sex Tip:
For inspiration, there’s a plethora of sex books at your local bookstore that give step-by-step instructions.

Question: I dreamt that I cheated on my husband with an ex and I feel awful! What does this mean?

Dr. Trina’s Answer
It’s not just men who have wet dreams—women have sex dreams too. Some dreams get so hot and heavy women can achieve orgasm; hopefully she remembers when she wakes up…

Your ex is apart of your life and it’s natural for you to remember and reflect on any good sex you might have once had.

As such, this dream is probably your way of living out a fantasy. The “having sex with someone else” fantasy, with your ex or whomever, is common. And let’s be real, closing your eyes and imagining sex with someone forbidden is both fun and an easy way to help you feel extremely sexy and erotic.

So the best piece of advice I can give to you feeling guilty is: fantasy and dreams are not reality. Many people fantasize about crazy, wild sex that intellectually they understand will never happen.

It doesn’t mean you cheated on your husband by dreaming you had sex with your ex. Now if you actually went and had sex with your ex, that would make everything complicated. But as it doesn’t sound like that is going to happen, keep dreaming away.

Great Sex Tip
It’s better not to tell your husband about your dream. Although I never condone lying, some things are better left unsaid. However if the guilt is eating away at you, clear the air and tell your husband.

Dear Dr. Trina: I want to bring sex toys into our bedroom but don’t know how my guy will react.

Introducing sex toys into your regular sex routine can be quite simple if you think a few things through beforehand.

Before buying a sex toy make sure to:
* Talk about bringing new toys in before you go shopping

* Broach the topic with your partner outside of the bedroom when you’re both in a good mood. Surprising your partner with a new toy will most likely get their defensive hackles up, as they will automatically assuming they’re not a good enough lover.

Start with the basics
Your list should include candles, lubricant, massage oils, educational books, and a romantic game. Once you get used to using these, it’s time to introduce toys.

Negotiate what you both would be comfortable with
Do you want something romantic, sensual or highly erotic? How much do you want to spend? Is quality important to you?

Educate yourself on what toys are made of
Most toys on the market are poor quality and some are even harmful to the body. Look for toys produced by reputable companies which are made of 100% silicone, 100% elastomer, or food grade vinyl.

Great Sex Tip
Not inclined to go to a sex shop? Buy online. Or go to your local drug store will likely carry a limited line of lubricants, massage oils and sex toys.

Question: I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. Is there something wrong with me?

Absolutely not!

Unfortunately many women get their sex education from romance novels or media and assume that every woman will: “Immediately explode with pleasure as his rock hard python enters her.”

Truth is, contrary to pop-culture belief, not all women can have a vaginal and g-spot orgasm. This is due to her genetics and not because she’s uptight and/ or doing something wrong during sex.

Some women will consistently have a vaginal orgasm with intercourse; others will sometimes have a vaginal orgasm; and some will never. Chances are if you cannot have a vaginal orgasm, you probably won’t be able to have a g-spot orgasm either.

Orgasm problems arise when there’s a lot of pressure put on a gal—from herself or her partner—to have a vaginal or g-spot orgasm. Even if she is able, with that stress hanging over her bed it’s most likely never going to happen. It’s only when she’s completely relaxed, aroused and into the sex that it can occur.

The good news is every woman can have a clitoral orgasm—which are pretty wonderful creatures in and of themselves.

As you can see, every woman’s orgasm experience is different and therefore how you experience orgasm is very normal.

Great Sex tip
Some women have multiple orgasms while others will have one huge explosion.

Question: My guy’s sex drive has taken a nose dive. I know he’s not cheating, so what could it be?

Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t always the horn-dogs they’re made out to be. In fact, many times just the opposite is true. Consequently there are a lot of things that can negatively affect his sex drive.

The most common being when he is under a lot of stress due to work or other pressures. This is because high levels of cortisol, your body’s stress hormone, lowers testosterone levels. Less testosterone means he has less drive to have sex.

It’s important for you two to figure out whether this is an on-going stress, or if it’s simply a busy period in his life. If the stress isn’t going away, you need to have a heart-to-heart chat about how this is affecting your relationship. Either way do your best to be supportive and help him figure out a way you two can make it through.

At the same time it’s vital for you not to take this personally. Generally women put the blame on themselves when their guy doesn’t want sex. Women think things like, “He doesn’t find me attractive” or, “I must not be very good in bed.” Remember: It’s not you, it’s him and his circumstance.

Great Sex Tip
Daily affectionate touch is the easiest way to relieve stress and make each other feel relaxed.

Question: How do I tell him that I’m not comfortable with his flirting?

Seeing your partner flirt, understandably, can bring out insecurities and jealousy. Yet, innocent flirting can add an immense amount of zest to your intimacy and sex life.

Think of flirting as window shopping for those in a committed relationship. You have to admit that it’s really nice when you (or your partner) can still feel attractive and sexy to other people.

Best of all, when your partner has permission to flirt then brings that wonderful flirting energy home to you it creates a happy couple connection.

As for mild jealousy, it actually affirms the affection within your relationship. That said, a well-balanced individual will not twist their jealously into a full-blown fight.

Here’s some easy things to do to give flirting a try:
• Talk through what is acceptable and not acceptable flirting behavior. For example: It’s okay for you both to chat and laugh with others but it’s crossing the line when: (fill in the blank).
• The first time you go out as a couple take baby-steps.
• Make a pact that neither of you will keep secrets when it comes to flirting.

There is something empowering and sexy to be confident enough in your relationship to allow flirting. Try it, you might find you really like it.

Great Sex Tip
If you can’t tell your partner about your flirting experience, you’ve crossed the line and shouldn’t be doing it.