The more frequently a woman orgasms, the more inclined she will be to have sex. The longer a woman goes without an orgasm, the longer she does not need to have sex. Men are the opposite—they need a physical release within a time period (i.e. every 24 to 48 hours).

Therefore, if a woman is having sex sporadically (i.e. less than once every couple weeks), she will not be as inclined to have sex, or get into the sex as quickly—unless it is a brand new relationship, then she will go like a bunny rabbit.

In order for a woman to orgasm, her pelvic platform (area around vulva) must engorge itself with blood to create the necessary arousal. Men only have a six inch’ish cylinder (the penis) that must be engorged with blood and therefore takes a lot less time. That is why it characteristically takes a woman twice as long to get turned on than a man. This is also the reason why women can have multiple orgasms—it takes just as long for the pelvic platform to release the blood after orgasm.

It is your brain more than anything else that will dictate whether you have a good time during sex. It is therefore necessary to clean out the clutter in your brain before you can move on and have fun with the sex part.

A lot of times when women are having sex, they don’t take the time to transition from their brains into their bodies. And usually by the time their bodies are ready the sex is already over.

Therefore, the whole thing about enjoying sex is to take your focus/ mind off of what is going on in your life and onto your partner. Easier said than done.

A good example of having the wrong focus, is worrying about your wobbly bits during sex. When focusing on the parts of your body that you feel insecure about, it is really difficult to enjoy how those wobbly bits are participating in the sex. Remember, men are mesmerized by women who, “shake what their momma gave them”.

Some things for women to think about:

(1) What are you thinking about during sex? What you think about is what you will get during sex. If you are thinking, “I’m so tired, I’m so tired, I’m so tired.” Guess what, you’ll be tired throughout intercourse and not enjoy it as much. Instead think about aspects of what is going on that you are enjoying.

Why it works: People create their reality by how they see it. If you see sex as something negative or something to get through then it will not be fun. If you focus on what you enjoy

(2) To be more present during sex you need to do the things you like to do. Enjoy the process and not necessarily acquiescing to what your partner would like to do. And do not feel guilty about being “demanding”. Ultimately if you enjoy yourself more, your partner will have a better time. It is a win/ win situation.

Why it works: When you are doing things that you enjoy, you will want to participate and therefore be more in the moment.

(3) Set an intention to do something different each time you have sex. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Like kissing their neck, tummy, back of the knee. One thing that is not apart of your usual love-making regime.

Why it works: This throws you out of the sex rut a lot of couples find themselves in.

(4) Take time to touch. The biggest sex organ is the human skin. People usually go for the “hot spots” because it is easy and has a high payoff.

Why it works: Touching your partner all over takes a longer to get them aroused and yet that touch lingers for days.

(5) Fantasize. Allow your thoughts to wonder to your favorite fantasy scene. Maybe even pretend your partner is someone you would like to have sex with. Please do not feel guilty or feel if you do this you are cheating on your partner. Absolutely false.

As they say in Las Vegas, “What goes on in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas”. Same is true for your fantasies, “What goes on in your head, stays in your head”.

Why it works: Having that little secret can add a notch to you feeling even more sexy and therefore translate to you being enjoying yourself better.

(6) Tell your lover your fantasy when you are in the middle of sex. But by all means, do NOT try and acting it out. Fantasy is almost always better than real life.

(7) Read an erotic book out loud while they are pleasuring you.Why it works: While men get turned on by visual stimulation, women get turned out by reading. A good sex scene will get the juices flowing even if you weren’t into it in the first place

(8) Play an erotic board game or game that instructs you and your partner what to do next. Great suggestions you may have never thought about.

(9) Pull a mirror up to near the bed and have partner get you all revved up. Watch yourself getting turned on.