Question

In what kinds of situations do you practice your motto, “fake it until you make it”, and how does this phrase relate to feelings you may be having about your genitalia? Please provide an example of how reciting this phrase helps change your way of thinking.

Dr. Trina’s Response:
When I wake up feeling like a “wabba”—jiggly & wobbly in my thigh and butt region, I really do not want my husband touching me—sexually or otherwise.

Unconsciously, there is a feeling that if he sees how “fat” and out of shape I am, he will reject me. So instead of him rejecting me, I circumvent the issue and just avoid his touch. However, when I avoid his touch he feels I am rejecting him for no apparent reason. Frustration and resentment build between us if we do not talk about it—which generally never happens because all of this is at an unconscious level.

So when I wake up feeling like a wabba, I make a concerted effort NOT to avoid being touched by my husband. I fake having a good body day. I force myself to touch him (hug, playful bum slap) and encourage him to touch me in a non-sexually way. I want to emphasize, it does not feel comfortable having him touch me when I am completely self-conscious and yet I always feel better afterwards (it’s like dragging my butt to the gym and feeling great after the fact)

As for my vulva…I sometimes (still ?!?!) grapple with the cleanliness issue—smell, fluids, schmegma (crusty deposits if the vagina/ penis is not cleaned properly). This being is absurd because I am a very clean person. Funny how the mind works.

The faking is similar to above where I say to myself, “How bad could the state of my vagina be? You just had a shower this morning. What could have possibly happened in the last eight hours to make your vagina a thriving cesspool of utter grossness?” Putting it that way seems to snap me into reality put it in perspective.