Question
Along the same lines, how do you “try to act like a confident person” in intimate situations that make you feel uncomfortable? How does this phrase also help you outside the bedroom?

Dr. Trina’s Response:
As stated in the previous question, I feel uncomfortable “putting on an act” and pretending to enjoy being touched with a BBI (bad body image). It feels like I am out of integrity with both me and my husband.

However, I always keep in mind that it comes down to me bucking up the courage to overcome my insecurities. My insecurities are not going to go away by themselves. The only person who can make me feel good is me…not my husband…not the clothes I wear, etc…it is only me.

Therefore when I am battling between being in integrity and forcing myself into an uncomfortable place, my feelings are: So I have to get a little uncomfortable, the end result will be me feeling good about myself. Feeling good about myself is the Holy Grail and well worth it.

I LOVE the second part of your question. It took me years to figure out that the more self-conscious I am in social situations, the more withdrawn I am become. When I am withdrawn, it is impossible to be confident. It is a perpetuating downward spiral. This includes interactions with my husband, family and close friends.

Today, the more awkward and self-conscious I feel, the more I do my best to make everyone else around me feel comfortable. That could include something as simple as smiling at the people around me, to going up to someone and starting a conversation. It usually feels terribly uncomfortable. Yet helping people becomes my “job description” which helps me refocus my priorities. It takes the focus off of me, gets me out of my shell. It makes me look and feel confident.