Question 

My mate wants sex almost every night, but I’m too tired from work, cooking, dealing with the kids etc. What can I do? 

Dr. Trina’s Reponse:

Great question. Most women don’t realize that when they unconsciously harbor such negative feelings, it fundamentally affects their sex lives.

As such here is the easy-and yet tremendously hard-solution. Communication. You need to sit with your partner and talk this through.

Five tips for your best communication:

(1)   Figure out what good sex looks like for you. Obviously the type of sex you are currently having isn’t making you run to the bedroom. So what can you and your partner do to make sex more enjoyable for you-and please don’t say “Him not bugging me for sex.” One reason women stop enjoying sex as much as they could is (unconsciously) they feel the sex is all about him. Figuring out what you like levels the sex playing field.

(2)   Take the conversation to a neutral environment. Don’t figure out how to make your sex better inside the bedroom. Instead talk when you are both relaxed and in a good frame of mind.

(3)   Separate the facts from how you feel around the facts. Sex brings out a lot of emotions in us. For example: Does your partner really want sex every night; or rather are you just so frustrated by your present circumstances that it feels like every night? Get your facts straight before you enter this conversation.

(4)   Write down (so important to write it down instead of making a list in your head) what’s working and not working in your sex. Then, while having your conversation, focus on what is working instead of what isn’t. Remember what you focus on will become the quality of your sex life.

(5)   Be clear on what your communication hot buttons are. If your conversation starts to get out of control, one or both of you simply say, “Stop.” Take a time out to cool down and then come back to the conversation.