Question 

I’ve been divorced a year, but have to admit there’s still a powerful sexual connection with my ex and sometimes I want to pick up the phone and suggest a casual hook-up. Is it O.K. to have sex with an ex?
Dr. Trina’s Response
First know you are not some freak’oid because you want to have sex with the exact same person you spent days (maybe weeks) getting all bent out of shape over after the breakup. Sex can comfortably numb the I’m-a-big-fat-loser worries, pain and panic in the short term. 

As well, yours is an established relationship so all the preamble of getting to know each other and weirdness of seeing each other naked does not exist.  Your ex is (hopefully) clean of any STDs.  Also you might have gone through a lot together and on some level only they can understand you.

However, never fool yourself. As much as you want to believe that sex is simply sex and nothing more, the act of sex is a ticking bomb of many emotions waiting to go off. If the sex is good (i.e. deep emotional connection), you may wonder why you broke up in the first place. 

Next is being okay with the hardcore reality of your situation. 

•·        Are you willing to reestablishing safe sex practices?

•·        Are you ready, in the aftermath of your sex, when your ex starts exhibiting the traits that had you breaking up with them in the first place?

•·        What if they never call you back and shamefaced you realize you were simply their booty call for the evening?

•·        Are mentally prepared for the eventuality when your ex tells you they have moved on to their next partner?

If you are all right with all of this then go ahead have tons of protected sex with your ex.  If not, take a long cold shower or slap on a chastity belt when you feel your resolve wearing thin. Ultimately satisfying an urge at the sacrifice of self worth is never worth it-yes, even if the sex is amazing.

Samantha Jones, the infamous character from “Sex and the City” put it best, “Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it’s good you can’t get it anymore, if it’s bad you just had sex with an ex.”