Dr. Trina’s Answer: 

That very much depends on the parents. 

It takes a lot of moxie to be able to say to your 4 year old child, “Honey, you watch your favorite video and have your favorite snack.  Please don’t disturb mom and dad while our door is closed because we are having our special time.”  I know parents who do as well I grew up with kids whose parents set their bedroom boundaries.  The kids do not think it is abnormal that their parents were going to have sex, it is simply apart of the family routine.

However, our society is still pretty uptight about allowing our kids to know that mommy & daddy are sexual human beings–even though it sets up the most healthy example for the child for their later relationships.  Parents who hide their sexuality from their children often bring up kids who are repressed (as we see en masse and why I have a job). 

Children are much smarter than we give them credit for.  When parent’s do things like put locks on doors, ghetto blasters by the door to drown out any noice, etc., the child knows what is going on.  Because it is not discussed it becomes taboo.

So the first place to start in creating a private sanctuary is having a conversation with the children appropriate to the child’s age.  Negotiating with them a mommy & daddy private time.

The second is to a bit of feng-shui’ing…that is take a hard look at the bedroom and ask each other is this a place where I feel romantic enough to have sex?  Business books on side tables, utilitarian cotton sheets, the scent of children and dogs, coffee mugs and water glasses all over.  Most parent’s bedrooms become practical rather than romantic. 

Sensuality is all about raising the five senses.  Which is why when we are seducing a new lover we have the whole romantic shtick going on-candles, soft music, chocolate (and a large percentage of single men clean their tub/ bathroom when they know they are going to get lucky??!?!?).

The couple needs to ask is their bedroom sensual or stifling?  And it is getting their butts off the couch to make the appropriate changes.