She Wants Oral Sex

Glow magazine has asked me to be their on-call sex expert. Here’s the latest in the reader questions.

Reader Question:“My new boyfriend doesn’t like to give oral sex. I don’t think I’ll be very satisfied without it, but I don’t want to pressure him to do something he doesn’t want to do! How do I handle this?”

My Response: I would bet that he either doesn’t feel very confident in his oral sex ability or he had a bad experience that turned him off of giving oral sex.

You need to have a conversation, outside the bedroom, to find if it is either. Was he given negative feedback by a past partner? Was he turned off by the smell, taste or the bushel of hair? Find out his concerns and don’t judge. Tell him gently that oral sex is something very important to your enjoyment of the sexual experience.

However, if he does not wanting to give you oral sex due to his socialization—some cultures just don’t feel it’s right—then you’re probably have a lot more convincing to do. Or it might be something you will have to forego.

In any case, make teaching him what you want a fun sexual experience. When things start heating up in the bedroom, show him and tell him what you want. Remember men need specific, succinct and direct language in order to understand what you’re saying.

Don’t know where to start? Show him while performing oral sex on him—yes, the penis and vulva are very different however, it’s probably your easiest way to describe and show him. And very fun to boot.

Dr. Trina Read - Media expert, best selling author, syndicated blogger, international speaker, spokeswoman, magazine columnist, Sexologist, Dr. Trina Read’s mission is to show couples how to have fun and meaningful sex.

3 Comments


  1. Todd
    Mar 17, 2009

    Communication is very important – most guys learn through trial and error, so their self confidence is fragile. I agree, making it fun and enjoyable is the way to go, being very vocal about what is good and what isn’t, and providing subtle physical guidance helps!

    And there are a myriad of reasons why some guys are hesitant or don’t enjoy it, but not judging and providing a caring atmosphere can make all the difference!


  2. Maureen
    Mar 17, 2009

    There are even instructional videos on-line that will help. Perhaps the visual will get him a little hot too.


  3. DrTrina
    Mar 20, 2009

    Great suggestions. Thanks!