This is the second myth as tackled by the female perspective (written by Jocelyn Wentland, MSc, Human Sexuality Researcher from the University of Ottawa), the male perspective (written by Single City Guy), and what the limited research we could find has to say on the issue.

The Female Perspective
I’ve heard some men refer to women as either “F*ck-able” or “Date-able.” I was told that this means that there are women who you would f*ck, but never date. And the women that you would date, well yes, you have sex with them, but only when socially acceptable to do so. Date-able girls are the quintessential ‘good girls’ and good girls don’t give it up that easily. These women are the ones that men want to date, bring home to meet the parents, and maybe even marry. If a woman has sex too early in a relationship (when exactly is considered “too early” by the way?), this means she’s not a quality catch and has just a won a position in the F-able category (never to crossover to the date-able category).

What a double standard…I mean, when is the last time that you heard a woman say “Yeah, I thought he was such a great catch. But then he slept with me on our second date. Not long-term dating material.” On behalf of all women who like sex (all types be it casual or committed), I always thought this was crap. Since when does having and liking sex automatically make you F-able and thus prevent you from being date-able?

The Male Perspective
There is some truth that men place women into long-term and short-term dating categories. There’s also plenty of myth to debunk. Men do rank women on categories based on their attractiveness, but we don’t categorize them as “f**k-able” or “date-able” solely on their looks. Men often classify women based on their attractiveness, usually categorizing them as: hot, cute, maybe, and not interested. For women classified as hot or cute, most men would love to see them without their clothing; that doesn’t mean we won’t take them home to meet the family. Just because a guy wants to see a woman naked, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any long-term plans. When we meet a hot or cute woman, we want show her off to our friends and family. The truth lies with the women who fall into the “maybes” and “not interested” categories.

Usually a woman deemed “f**k-able” isn’t a hot naughty girl, but someone who, if there wasn’t an alternative, we would have sex with. With these women, we make judgment calls. In normal circumstances, we wouldn’t consider a relationship with them, because an attraction doesn’t exist. If an opportunity exists for a one-night stand, we make a judgment call (or sometimes the alcohol makes that call for us). There’s usually an understanding that nothing serious would ever occur, although that understanding is often interpreted differently. Do men look at some women and say, “I would LOVE to do her!”? Yes, we do. That’s not to say we wouldn’t love to go out with her on a date as well. “I would LOVE to do her!” is more of a statement of a woman being hot.

What Does The Research Say?
There isn’t any research or data that speaks directly to this issue, mainly due to the complexity of the question. The answer lies in men’s interaction with attractive women and the differences in the way that men approach hot women compared to how men approach women who they have little interest in. To best do this, we used a recent report by OkCupid that looked into the mathematics of a woman’s attractiveness. The study shows a few important findings to help analyze the issue.

First, men often disagree on the attractiveness of women. For women who are deemed very attractive by one group of men, there will exist another group who deem the same women as very unattractive (as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder). The report also states that these women (those that have the most disparity in perceived attractiveness) are the ones who get the most attention from men, with significant numbers. Women who aren’t seen as attractive by the general public, but are seen as attractive by certain men, also receive the same amount of attention by men. The logic for this seems to apply more to game-theory or the probability of receiving a response from her and less about her not being able to “date-able” quality.

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at Sex Research and The City.com