Dear Cynthia,
I have a question for you which is quite embarrassing. I am 28 years old and have still not been able to have penetrative sex. I continue to have orgasms with my boyfriend but somehow when it comes time to penetrate my muscles and vagina just don’t let the penis inside. Would you be able to advise me of any workshops or doctors that I could refer to help me with this issue? Thanks so much and really looking forward to hearing your response.

First of all, let me commend you for seeking advice! Throughout the course of our sexual lives there are many different types of challenges that may require our attention. It’s important that you get the right information to get the best help.

Just to remind you, I’m not a medical doctor or a sexual health educator but according to Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC), “painful intercourse is most often reported by women although it occurs in men as well”. There are many different reasons that can cause painful sex from hormonal changes to infections to psychological factors.

There is also a condition called Vaginismus where there is involuntary tightness of the vagina during attempted intercourse. Vaginismus is highly treatable and does not require drugs, surgery, hypnosis, nor any other complex invasive technique. You can find out more information about this at www.vaginismus.com.

Although we all love to explore the internet to get information, it’s important not to self diagnose. Talk to your doctor (or go to a Hassle Free Clinic http://www.hasslefreeclinic.org/) to determine what the best course of action is for you.

And on a personal note, I hope your partner gives you the support you need while you figure out what is going on. Remember: there are lots of fun things you can do that don’t involve penetration and the fact that you are having orgasms already is a great reminder of that!

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is a TV host, advice columnist & relationship coach who likes to ask uncomfortable questions. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk. Follow Cynthia on Twitter.