Trina's blog » Dr. Trina Read

Women Want Bromances Too

Dr. Trina Read — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:34:30 +0000

You get asked out. You feel flattered. You wonder what to wear for the venue of choice; for the person who you’re going with. You wonder whether you should even consider indulging more than two drinks (and pre-arranging transportation accordingly.) You tell a friend about the upcoming plans to get their thoughts on both the person you’re about to meet up with, and of the situation as a whole. You hope they don’t lean in for a kiss – in fact you pray they don’t- and you hope they have the same attentions as you. And as the night comes and you pull up, you switch your phone on silent and walk in to see a smiling face waiting for you at the waiting area/bar/table.

Welcome to the new bromance: for her. In our latter twentysomethings it’s typical for most of us to have a solid group of go-to friends. Either that or we lost ‘em all when we got hot and heavy with our man, so it is in this age bracket that we often venture out and meet new friends.

Fresh faces. Women who are more likeminded. Who don’t go as far back and who see us in a different like. The story goes similar to the script of I Love You, Man, a movie in which Paul Rudd and Jason Segel star. This film is a favourite of mine. It epitomizes the stages of getting to know someone new with similarities to how one begins dating.

Lately I’ve been asked out by a handful of women. Great, fun, beautiful women with similar interests, who frequent the same haunts as I, who run in the same sorts of circles. In the past month I’ve been on more bromance-for-her dates than I care to admit.

Picture: cheese plate after glass of kir royale after splitting a dessert (and another kir royale) later. Some lady dates have gone so well friendshiply that we don’t even end the date without making plans for the next one. Some end so poorly that you hope they found the connection just as off-putting so you don’t have to come up with an excuse not to see her again. These little get togethers are exciting and somewhat similar to blind dates. You hope they know you’re just looking for friendship and not love. You hope it can be a smooth encounter as opposed to one induced by silences and reaching for your glass.

After a bromance-for-her date you might start texting or Facebooking or using a form of communication as your choice, with the hope that your messages will go returned, that they feel the same way.

These dates are refreshing. At a time when we are so settled with work and a daily routine, it’s nice to bring something new into the mix. Someone new. If things don’t work out, at least you connected with someone new; at least you expanded your network. If things do work out then you profit a great friend. Be open to expanding your circle and you might be grateful for what you find and what they add to your lovely little life, lady!

Other Jen Kirsch Blogs
Women Stop Misreading Your Dates
Dealing With Relationship Anger
Toss the Tee and Throw on a Pair of Heels

Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and blogger. She writes for ELLE, Canadian Living, Slice TV, Women’s Post, AOL Lifestyle, Notable.ca, ELLE Canada, Sympatico.com, The College Crush, Rebecca Eckler’s How To Raise A Boyfriend, PostCity Magazines and many more publications. Often seeked out for her to-the-point advice, Jen offers coaching sessions to singles and couples who want some direction in the dating world. Read her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Photo Source here.

Wife Wants Sex to Be More Exciting

Dr. Trina Read — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:18:21 +0000

I’m a 35 year old married woman in a ten year relationship. It’s gotten to the point where is seems like I’m having the same sex all the time. My husband says he is up for trying something new but I’m not sure where to start, since he probably won’t initiate the changes. Basically, my sex life has hit a wall. How can I expand my horizons (and my husband’s) in the New Year?

New Year’s resolutions are great. They can be a catalyst for a lot of positive change–and they can also fizzle out within a month. I get the feeling that maybe you’d like to experiment with a few new tricks while adding some new sexual behaviors to your long term repertoire to keep things fresh.

You can do this by doing two things:
1) Figure out where to push the boundaries and where to leave them
2) Do something, ANYTHING different.

First off, don’t make the mistake of going over board too quickly. For instance, if the both of you know you want to keep things monogamous, I wouldn’t suggest you bringing a third party into bed. Or, if he knows you hate to watch yourself on video, he shouldn’t go videotaping your sex romps without you knowing.

However, people tend to find a lot more negotiable in their sex lives than they realized when they start to talk about it with their partners honestly. So, you might begin by planning a special night together with him and bring up the issue over a sexy dinner. I understand that you may need to initiate this first foray into the sexually explorative discussion but sex (usually, unless your masturbating by yourself) is a two way street. Part of what he needs to buy into during this discussion is his own responsibility in this relationship to turn up the heat as well. The issue is not your issue alone.

What you’ll both need to find out is what turn’s you on at the core. What do you respond to sexually without even thinking? And don’t rule out acts that you would consider socially unacceptable–rape fantasies rank among the most common fantasies for women–obviously you’d play this one out within reason. If you can’t think of anything off hand, rent/buy some erotic videos with varying themes and see what your body (and your mind) responds to. This can be a great way for the both of you to get conscious about what gets you off and it can also be a fun way to lead to a little sex play in front of the tellie.

Once you get a few ideas together, talk out the top one or two behaviors that you both seem most interested in. Granted, you both may find you have different erotic interests. But if you both discuss your favorites you can both figure out how far you’re willing to go to fill one another’s fantasy. An example might be that he’d love to try anal sex with you but you’re not into the idea of jumping right in to full penal/anal penetration. Why not then, buy a good lube a couple of non-intimidating anal toys to play with? Decide that you’ll initially only play on the outside of the anus and then maybe (if you’re comfortable) graduate up to finger insertion.

Maybe he’s a control freak but you’ve always wanted to tie him up and experiment with a little S&M. Negotiate what his limits are. There are many accoutrements now that allow for ‘light’ S&M play; satiny sashes that don’t tie too tightly and soft, playful whips. Just be sure you both decide on a ‘safe word’ that let’s you each know when you’re seriously done playing–many people like to say “no” or “don’t” as apart of the sex play. A safe word should be a word not normally used during sex…perhaps something as random as “kumquat” or “constellation”.

As mentioned the whole point is to do anything different. So, whether it’s even having sex in different rooms of your house or deciding to have regular sex dates–it doesn’t have to be a profound change–just a change. Some changes may stick and others may not but the point is you’re both making an effort to preserve the health of your sexual relationship. The fun part may just be in trying something new, even if it doesn’t work out. In fact, every New Year you may want to sit down with your partner and have your ritual dinner to come up with a kinky thing or two to do to keep each year as fresh as your first year together.

Dr. Kat is a Clinical Sexologist Marriage and Family Therapist who has been practicing in the field of counseling since 1994. In addition to her training in Marriage, Family and Addictions, she has extensive sexuality training. Find out more at: Dr.Kat.com

Paid Service Will Dump Your Partner

Dr. Trina Read — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 15:13:29 +0000

In Sex and the City, Carrie was dumped via a post-it note. Harsh? Yes, but nowadays, there’s worse.

A man by the name of Bradley Laborman, from IDUMP4U.com, is paving new ground in the break up scene by doing the dirty deed for you for a measly $10. May seem cheap, but Bradley’s getting his fair share out of the deal as he tapes his phone conversations and then posts them online for all to hear (check out the YouTube link to hear a clip).

In Bradley’s eyes, he is performing a service by delivering the exit line for you. And surprisingly, many women agree, as women are his number one clientele. So what is the main driving force for using the service? “It’s fear”, Bradley claims, “I had one guy who couldn’t do it because every time he tried to do it, he’d end up having breakup sex with her and get back together. I think a lot of them have tried a couple times to break up with the person, and it’s just not getting through to them.”

Okay, so getting a phone call from a complete stranger telling you your relationship is over, pretty cold. But what about getting an anonymous ecard informing you that you may have an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection)?!

‘Hello Sarah, I’m so sorry to inform you that you might have an STI. We had fun but now we’re done and I’m sorry to say that I ‘came’ with strings attached. Tests reveal I have herpes. Please get tested.’

Anonymous egreetings can now be sent to your past sexual partner(s) explaining your current ‘situation’ down below. The program that is facilitating the ecards is called inSPOT, a non-profit organization dedicated to developing and using Internet technologies to prevent disease transmission and enhance the sexual well-being of individuals and communities. Now I know what you’re thinking, who wants to receive an impersonal ecard telling them they might have an STI?! Well no one, of course.

But this program might be the best option when considering your choices. One, don’t tell any past partners and live with the guilt that you helped spread an infection (possibly life threatening or fertility affecting) to others. Two, tell them in person that you are the reason for the burning sensation between their thighs. Or three, send them an anonymous ecard with an apology and a list of all the closest STI clinics in their area.

IDUMP4U.com and inSPOT may be harsh in their delivery systems (I think Bradley gets a woody from delivering the bad news…. yes you do Bradley, just admit it), but don’t many adhere to the statement that all’s fair in love and war?

Or possibly–insert Jack Nicholson–YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Dr. Teesha Morgan‘s approach to helping both couples and individuals achieve sexual fulfillment and relationship satisfaction, has taken many forms and produced incredible results. She has devoted her time to her Sex Therapy and Couples Counselling Practice, nation wide public speaking events, sexual education workshops, and televised campaigns aimed at increasing intimacy. Dr. Teesha is also a well known magazine columnist, featured writer in numerous newspapers, and has made appearances on many television and radio shows across Canada. For more information on Dr. Teesha you can visit her Sex Therapy website at TeeshaMorgan.com

Is Your Sperm Sexy Enough?

Dr. Trina Read — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 15:51:09 +0000

Males with low voices? Sexy. Think Barry White. James Earl Jones. Don LaFontaine.

Males with high voices? Samuel “Screech” Powers. Not so sexy.

Some fast facts about men with attractive voices (most often deep and husky):
- men with attractive voices have attractive faces
- men with attractive voices have higher numbers of sexual partners
- women’s preference for masculine voices correlates with their preference for masculine faces
- when women are at their most fertile, they prefer very masculine voices
- when assessing short-term partners, women prefer those with masculine voices

But those deep bass voices might not have the best sperm.

Say what? Well it goes a bit like this…

Humans have a limited amount of resources to invest into mate attracting. That is, the male with the sexy deep voice has used up all his resources to ‘buy’ that sexy voice, leaving himself fewer resources to buy good sperm-making skills.

Compare that guy to the male who decided to pass on the masculine voice investment portfolio and instead invested most of his resources into his sperm-making portfolio.

There is some cool animal model research to support this. Take the generic field cricket, for example. The male cricket who does a lot of showboating and makes intense acoustic sounds to attract mates has lower sperm quality vs. his ghetto cricket counterpart who just makes do with average acoustics.

So how do we know that deep voices may be related to lower sperm quality? Well we get men to masturbate and collect their sperm. Obviously.

And how do we measure sperm quality? With Semen Analysis software. Obviously.

The sperm is evaluated based on 7 motility parameters: (Don’t you love the shit that sex researchers come up with?)
(1) average path velocity
(2) straight line velocity
(3) velocity along the sperm cells point-to-point track
(4) lateral amplitude of sperm head movement
(5) frequency with which the sperm head crosses the average sperm path
(6) straightness of the sperm’s path
(7) linearity of the sperm’s path

And how do we know what a masculine or attractive voice sounds like? We get heterosexual females to come in and rate the mens’ recorded vowel sounds. Obviously.

But not “u”. When people pronounce “u”–they intonate downward so we ignore that vowel. Obviously.

Wtf? Ok, whatever…

So in this study, 54 Australian men (aged 18-32) were asked to refrain from sexual activity for a minimum of 48hrs before sperm ‘collection’. The men were supplied with 4 sexually explicit images and asked to masturbate to these 4 pictures. They were instructed to ejaculate into a vial which they deliver to the laboratory within 1 hour of collection.

Survey says? Well, not really a survey, work with me….Men with low pitched voices are rated as more attractive (the women never saw a picture of these dudes) versus voices that were more high pitched.

Masculine voices are rated as more attractive than less masculine voices. Men with attractive voices had lower sperm concentrations vs males with less attractive voices.

So moral of the story….Do sperm analysis of your male partners. Pick less attractive males if creating offspring is an important legacy you want to leave behind.

If a condom breaks during sex, make sure it’s with an attractive male since his Pokémon (pokey, man) sperm will have less chance of finding eggs.

Other Blogs by Jocelyn Wentland
Would You Date a Bisexual?
Casual Sex is Now the Norm
Women (and Men) Stop Faking Orgasm
Top Ten Reasons for Friends with Benefits

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at SexResearchandTheCity.com and follow her on Twitter.

How Young is Too Young for Sex Ed?

Dr. Trina Read — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 15:06:58 +0000

There’s no question that the provincial government majorly fumbled the ball last week when they rolled out the new sex education curriculum and then promptly withdrew it as a result of mass complaints.

There was no shortage of rants and raves along with media-fed misinformation about the curriculum — so understandably, the general public was left confused about the proposed changes.

For those of you curious about what some of the changes were to be – here is a general overview. Keep in mind that ALL of these are suggestions for educators. In other words, the sample discussions are meant to be guidelines.

GRADE 1 – proper names for body parts and introduction to hygiene

GRADE 2 – stages of development (i.e. overview of life cycle and body changes — as in when you get older you get taller, get wrinkles, etc)

GRADE 3 – physical and emotional development. Different types of relationships, accepting differences, being inclusive, communicating openly, showing respect (with regards to all kinds of differences including orientation and identity), different types of family structures

GRADE 4 – introduction to puberty (i.e. physical, emotional and social changes).

GRADE 5 – reproductive system (i.e. menstruation, spermatogenesis).

GRADE 6 – development of self-concept, laying the foundation for healthy relationships. More discussion around physiological changes that happen during puberty (i.e. erections and vaginal lubrication)

GRADE 7 – Continuation of self-concept (introduce ideas around gender identity, sexual orientation). Discussion of abstinence as the only true safe sex – and how STI’s can be contracted through oral, anal, and vaginal sex.

GRADE 8 – Decisions about sexual activity (i.e. the benefits, risks, and drawbacks that relationships involving different degrees of sexual intimacy can pose); Gender identity (i.e. male, female, transgendered, transsexual, intersex) and sexual orientation (e.g., heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual), and identify factors that can help individuals of all identities and orientations develop a positive self-concept)

Other Posts by Cynthia Loyst
Make Sex Positions More Interesting
Female Friendly Porn
Cynthia’s Top Six Sex Toy Picks
The Do’s and Don’ts of Online Dating
Would You Have Sex With Someone Famous?

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is a TV host, advice columnist & relationship coach who likes to ask uncomfortable questions. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk. Follow Cynthia on Twitter.

Are you tolerant of sexual fetishes?

Dr. Trina Read — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 15:23:30 +0000

While speaking at a sex show in Vancouver, a colleague mentioned a discussion with her morning waiter from our hotel restaurant. He confessed to her that no woman he has yet met was ‘perfect’ enough for him.

As such he decided the best compromise was to buy a perfectly proportioned blow up doll. Problem was it was going to cost him $10,000 USD plus. He had been saving from his two waitering jobs and had almost come up with the entire amount. He was eagerly anticipating when he would finally be able to have his perfect woman.

What I found interesting was my colleague’s reaction. She is in the business of selling sex paraphernalia and yet she was mildly disgusted with this man’s intentions. From her reaction, I assumed he was some overt pervert let loose in Vancouver.

As fate would have it, the next morning this man was my waiter. To my surprise he was extremely courteous and polite; in fact, he was the epitome of professionalism. As I covertly watched him under lowered lashes I could tell he treated his fellow female staff with the same level of respect.

Fetishes are definitely something people don’t understand and therefore label as deviant. Because these people don’t tow the what-is-socially-acceptable-for-sexual-behavior-line (i.e. heterosexual monogamous sex) they are automatically labeled as freaks. It is my experience that, generally, these people are just the opposite.

Some people have certain proclivities that make them sexually aroused—like BDSM, feet, or latex, or blow up dolls. So what? As long as they are safe, sane and consensual with what they are doing, then there should be no reason to judge that person. But yet we still do—even people in the sex industry who deal with this all the time are judging.

You (yes you) mingle with fetish people on a daily basis. It’s only when you find out what they are up to behind closed doors that things get weird for you (yes you).

I appreciate complete sexual tolerance will never be something I will see in my lifetime. Ironic as people feel they are liberal enough when it comes to sex.

Dr. Trina Read is a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator. Sign up for your free monthly newsletter filled with expert videos, articles, blogs and podcasts at Best Sex Tips Ever.com. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook

Women stop misreading your dates

Dr. Trina Read — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:56:48 +0000

We women are known to somewhat–-how you say-–’misread’ situations. When in a position or situation we tend to have an idea of what’s going on and run with that notion as we look for confirming beliefs, as opposed to seeing the full picture for what it is.

Case in point: We hear from a dude we may have once crushed on in the past, seemingly out of the blue and instead of thinking “He want’s me”, we think “What does he want from me?” We go on a date with a guy who-–at the end of the date–doesn’t lean in for that anticipated first kiss and tell ourselves “He’s just not that into me”, all whilst avoiding the very clear fact that your dinner date with him lasted four (or so) hours.

Or you might be single, spending all your days (and hours, and minutes) back and forth texting and emoticon sharing with another single guy, but since he never asks you out nor has he yet to initiate a plan, you assume he’s just messaging you to “Keep his options open”, as opposed to maybe seeing that he’s just trying to get to know you before he makes that bold move.

Now I get it, it isn’t safe for us blonde, bronzed, babes to be optimistic if a situation clearly doesn’t call for it, but it is rather healthy to, not only perceive a situation in a level headed fashion, giving it the benefit of the doubt, but also be clear with our intentions and be confident enough to ask others about theirs, when feeling confused, uncertain or doubtful.

Raise your hand for all the times you’ve left a date, only to dial up your bestie the second you walk in the door to try to decode what x, y and z meant on the date. Intuitive though your best friend might be, she certainly is not in the head of the guy you were just with. Ride the wave. Feel him out. Don’t analyze but instead grasp the situation with a big picture mentality.

If you reach a point where you generally feel confused or are aware that you might be on different pages, it’s better to read between the lines and–if you dare-–ask him to be more clear. If only we had a legend for what all those emoticon’s and looks, and endless banter really means; if only the matters when it comes to the opposite sex were that easy.

From my experience, like breeds like so if you start thinking the best of situations instead of the worst, if you start expecting good things instead of the bad, you’ve already done most of the work. Reframe you dauntless darling, you.

Would you date a bisexual?

Dr. Trina Read — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 14:48:07 +0000

Would you be comfortable dating a bisexual? Would you be worried that they would leave you for a same-sex individual (if you date an opposite sex person normally?) Would you care? Would you be jealous of their same-sex friends? Would you think this was a great way to access a threesome?

This is some cool home-grown research being done by my lab mate Heather Armstrong at the University of Ottawa.

Here are some Coles Notes findings regarding people’s perceptions of dating a bisexual in a casual, dating, or committed relationships:

For men dating a bisexual woman
- Men feel moderate pressure to show that a man can be a sexually satisfying partner compared to a women–regardless of relationships type

- Men show moderate levels of worry that they cannot fulfill all of their partner’s sexual needs

- Men aren’t very jealous in general but are more jealous about their female partner’s male friends vs her female friends

For women dating a bisexual man
- Women are more likely to worry that their partner is really gay (a common myth about bisexuality in general)

- Women are more jealous in general (*sigh*) and feel more jealous about their male partner’s male friends vs his female friends

- Women are more worried that their partner would cheat on them or leave them for a same-sex partner

And what about those threesomes?
Well for the Bisexual Woman + Male Partner + random female = Men find the idea or fantasy of having a threesome with two women arousing and are likely to participate if given the opportunity. But….even though men want to have a threesome, they don’t expect to.

AND wanting and expecting a threesome and the importance of said threesome decline as the relationship level becomes more involved.

As for the Bisexual Man + Female Partner + random male = Women do not want to have a threesome with their partner and another man and they worry that their male partner might want to have a threesome with her and another man.

Perhaps this information helps you determine if dating a bisexual is for you!

Why Chaz Bono became a man

Dr. Trina Read — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:24:32 +0000

Chaz Bono (formally Chastity Bono), known better to some as Cher’s daughter; premiered her new documentary Becoming Chaz at the Sundance Film Festival this last weekend. The film documents his very personal transformation from female to male–breast removal and all.

More accurately it shows how Chaz aligned his external secondary sex characteristics with his internal gender identity. Say what? This sounds confusing and I know even our dear media gets it wrong much of the time (God forbid), but lets examine what these terms really mean. Or specifically, the question is what makes Chaz a guy? Here’s the breakdown. The definitions are from Wikipedia:

Sexual Identity
Is a term that, like sex, has two distinctively different meanings. One describes an identity roughly based on sexual orientation, the other an identity based on sexual characteristics, which is not socially based but based on biology, a concept related to, but different from, gender identity.

Gender Identity (otherwise known as core gender identity)
The gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological sex, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation. The gender identities one may identify as include male, female, both, somewhere in between (“third gender“), or neither

Sexual Orientation
Describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to men, women, both genders, neither gender, or another gender.

OK, your head is probably spinning from these definitions. But using Chaz as an example, here’s how these definitions play out…

Chaz is now considered a heterosexual male—yes, transsexual externally but none the less. However, it seems to go unacknowledged that Chaz has been relating as a male to his partner for a very long time (the lovely Jennifer Elia, who he is pictured with). It’s been said that he was never really comfortable with the term lesbian because that wasn’t how he completely felt.

And granted Chaz (while still Chastity), did identify as a lesbian for a period of time. He probably did so not because he really was but because he was just trying to figure himself out. After all, who wants to jump into a process of sex reassignment surgeries without doing enough self reflection? Anyway, it can be tough for someone who doesn’t fit into our boy/girl stereotypes–Boys Don’t Cry ring any bells? Not an easy task in our culture.

While Chaz’s biological sex upon birth was female, his secondary sexual characteristics (how he presents physically) are now male. I won’t even get into the chromosomal issues but suffice it to say our chromosomes have something to say about our biological sex and identity. But Chaz is a guy because he identifies with being male…period.

Ultimately, these are all labels to make you and I feel better-–he, she, hetero, homo, gay straight etc. We don’t like to get out of our comfort zone as a general rule. For instance, if I assume you are a heterosexual guy, I might ask you, “Who is going to win the Superbowl?” Or if you are an apparent flaming gay boy, I might say, “Did you catch fashion week?” What becomes noticeable is how flawed all of this thinking is. You may be a hetero guy who could give a flying fuck about “the game” or you could be a twink who has no idea who Manolo Blahnik is. It is our human nature to want to categorize and make sense of one another. No harm is usually intended.

By the way, note I am using the pronoun ‘he’. As a heads up, one ALWAYS uses the pronoun of however any person identifies. This has nothing to do with whether a person “looks” male or female or what is between their legs. I know we all get used to sizing people up in a matter of seconds but one should never ass-u-me, got it? If a drag queen has a penis but refers to herself with a female name and the pronoun ‘she’, then gosh darn it that is the proper etiquette for how everyone should refer to her.

I think we are all inherently curious about one another. But beyond that knee jerk reaction of, “I’ve decided who you are in the first 30 seconds,” of our interaction or within the first paragraph of an article in People Magazine, I say we learn to give one another a break and get conscious about our pigeon holing. We may never train ourselves fully out of the desire to categorize but if we can train ourselves to be conscious of the fact that there is much more to each one of us than meets the eye, I think we will all be pleasantly surprised by how interesting each one of us is. Obviously, it’s also good practice to keep us on our toes about discrimination and bias.

In the end, we just may begin to evolve as a culture and learn to appreciate one another for all of our quirky nuances. I thank Chaz for putting himself out there and allowing us to learn from his own process of becoming.

Make sex positions more interesting

Dr. Trina Read — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 15:01:03 +0000

1) Start with the basics
The two most common (popular) positions are missionary and woman-on-top.

I know Annie Lennox said, “Don’t Mess with a Missionary Man,” but I think the song is about religion, not sex. This position has gotten a bad rap over the years but I’m here to tell you there’s nothing wrong with it – especially for couples for whom one gets a kick out of being dominant and the other prefers to be more submissive.

Woman-on-top is also obviously great for women as they can really control the movement.

EXTRA TIP: For those in the “on-top” position–try not just moving in and out but circling your hips.

2) Try a different location
Part of the reason we can get stuck always having sex in the same position is because we often have sex in the same room. Why not try the bathroom or the kitchen? When you switch your location, you automatically have to get creative with your position.

EXTRA TIP: Even if you do start in another room of the house, don’t feel like you have to stay there. Think of it as the appetizer – it’s okay if you go back to the bedroom for the main course.

3) Avoid acrobatics
While changing things up can definitely provide for new stimulation (both visually and physically) it’s important to remember, you’re having sex, not auditioning for the circus.

Not everyone likes to feel like they’re being manipulated like a Gumby doll, so tread cautiously when you try out a new position and make sure to communicate if it’s uncomfortable or doesn’t turn your crank.

EXTRA TIP: Some of the crazy acrobatic positions that you see in porn are meant to look interesting but aren’t the greatest for producing pleasure.