Will something happen? Will the other person have reciprocal feelings? Will the friendship end once someone announces their (potentially unrequited) love?

The infamous Harry Burns definitely thinks men and women can’t be friends in When Harry Met Sally.

And why have cross-sex friends anyways? Well in our past, these friendships provided us with additional mating opportunities. But cross-sex friends are new, because back in the day, anyone you hung around with was likely genetically related to you.

So modern day friendship looks pretty different. Or so we think. We don’t have that much on cross-sex friendship. We have lots on same-sex friends, why friends are important, and the role of close relationships.

But how about this study (it’s NOT my study–I had nothing to do with it) researchers had 88 friendship pairs come into the study and fill out measures on their friendship. All were heterosexual and had been friends for an average of 2 years. They had to both report that they were not sexually or romantically involved with each other. Thus, any Friends with Benefits should’ve high-tailed it outta there at this point.

Survey says

(1) Men were more likely to report being attracted to their female friend and more likely to report their female friend being attracted to them – even though they reported that they knew they were more attracted to their female friends than their female friends were to them.

(2) Men more likely to report wanting to date their female friend and overestimated how much their female friends wanted to date them. Women made more accurate predictions in this regard: women reported that their male friends wanted to date them more than they wanted to date their male friends.

(3) It didn’t matter to the men if they were in a relationship with someone else–single and non-single males reported the same level of attraction to their female friends. Women made a distinction: single women reported more attraction for their male companions.

Women underestimated the level of attraction their male friends had for them.

Does “He doesn’t like me; we’re just friends” sound familiar, anyone?

Then in Study 2, they asked people in age groups 18-23 and 27-55 about the benefits and costs to cross-sex friendship.

Check these tables out
Table #1

Table #2

Being attracted to a partner: costly and confusing.

Older group reported fewer opposite sex friends (function of marriage?) with older aged women reporting the fewest opposite sex friends. Jealous partners perhaps? Overall, women reported less attraction to opposite sex friends. Not surprisingly, men were more likely to report attraction as a benefit for both age groups.

Single adults reported as much attraction to opposite sex friends as the younger adult group did. Singles were also less likely to report cross-sex friends as a potential cost.

Of course friendships aren’t just costly; friends can also be convenient sexual partners.

Other Jocelyn Wentland Blogs
Top Ten Reasons for Friends With Benefits
Noisy Sex May Mean She’s Not Enjoying Herself
Would You Date a BiSexual?

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at SexResearchandTheCity.com and follow her on Twitter.

One approach to orgasm-inducing intercourse involves the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). This positioning and movement can provide a woman with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, stimulate a man’s shaft and prostatic nerves and does not require any challenging gymnastic moves or flexibility. Hooray! Because we’re tired of swinging off chandeliers, right?

The CAT is a basic modification of the missionary position that involves the man riding up on a woman’s pelvis so they can rock and rub the clitoris against the base of his penis and/or pelvic bone.

Here’s the basic breakdown:
(1) The woman lies on her back and the man lies on top inserting his penis into the vagina.
(2) He then shifts his body upwards along hers (he can rest his hands/arms beside her head) so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press firmly against her clitoral hood and pelvic bone.
(3) Often the CAT involves the woman pressing her pelvis upwards and wrapping her feet around his calves.
Play with synchronized rocking and rubbing movements as opposed to in-and-out thrusting.
(4) Some women find intensified pleasure in squeezing their legs together during the CAT to create greater friction and tension.This squeezing sensation can also intensify the male partner’s pleasure.

Sound technical? It’s really quite simple and feels a lot better than it looks on paper. Don’t take my word for it. Try it out for yourself!

Once you’ve got the hang of rubbing the clitoral hood and female pelvic bone against the hard base of the penis and/or male pelvic bone during intercourse, you can modify the CAT into a range of other positions on your side or even upside down.

If the CAT doesn’t make you tingle with passion, don’t feel the need to give up on intercourse entirely. No singular approach to pleasure works for every woman, but if you keep experimenting, you’ll find your triggers. Play with running water, vibrating toys, fingers, tongues and fantasy until you find your toes curling with pleasure beneath the sheets (or on the hood of the car as the case may be).

And ladies and gents, please don’t ignore all your other beautiful erogenous zones: the brain, breasts, thighs, backs of knees, feet, palms, neck, ears, belly, bum and more!

Some women can orgasm through fantasy alone and others can reach the heights of ecstasy with a little breast play. Others swear by anal stimulation, while some find sharing of far-fetched fantasies incomparable as a means to orgasmic release.

Combine any of these activities to find what works for you. With the right attitude and a healthy sense of humour, you should enjoy both the process and the end result.

Have fun experimenting and always practice safer sex!

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Dr. Jess (Jessica O’Reilly) is a sought-after sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. She maintains a private practice in Toronto and travels the world to speak at events that promote healthy and deliciously pleasurable sex. From regular appearances on Cosmopolitan Television and Playboy TV to hosting retreats in the sunny Caribbean, she relishes in every moment! Check out her website SexWithDrJess.com, follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Originally published in Eligible Magazine.com

Most women who I have spoken with who are not into anal sex have usually had it, ahem, “thrust” upon them in the throes of passion. One minute they were having hot sex, and the next, something was being shoved up their butt. I can say with utmost confidence, this is NOT the way to approach anal sex with a partner for the first time.

There are many ways to find out if your girlfriend might be interested. One of the easiest ways would be to bring up the conversation outside of the bedroom. Begin by sharing your sexual likes and dislikes and within that conversation you could simply ask for her thoughts about anal play.

If her reaction is, “ewwww, gross,” you could ask her why she feels that way. It might be she’s had a bad experience or she has simply had years of receiving negative messages about that part of her body. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she wouldn’t be open to exploring anal play if it is done slowly and safely in a trusting environment.

However, if she is totally opposed to it then you have to accept that may never change, no matter how you feel about it.

Another way to explore this would be when you are intimate, you can try gently touching around that area to see how she feels. If she squirms away, you’ve been given a clear message. However, it may just be that she isn’t feeling especially into it on that particular day so again, it’s worth asking about later on.

If, however, she gives physical or auditory cues that indicate that she is enjoying herself then you can gently try working the tip of your finger in. You need to be prepared to take the tiniest of baby steps when it comes to this and continue to be open to chatting about her feelings/concerns/likes/dislikes afterwards.

And, in addition to patience and sensitivity, I cannot stress enough the importance of lube in all anal play.

I also spoke with sex educator Cory Silverberg about your question and he added this:

There’s a school of thought that says that if one person is interested in anal play, that person should be open to exploring being on both the giving and receiving end. Expressing that you’re open to this can dramatically change how a conversation like this goes. Of course it has to be a genuine offer, so you’ll need to think about this for yourself first.

In other words, if you’re interested in her being open to you exploring that part of her, you should also be open to the possibility that she may want to explore that part of you as well.

And for more tips and techniques, I would highly recommend Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women.

Other Cynthia Loyst Blogs
Female Friendly Porn
Craving a Massage with a ‘Happy Ending’
Husband Wants Sex Everyday

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is a TV host, advice columnist & relationship coach who likes to ask uncomfortable questions. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk. Follow Cynthia on Twitter.

The study, based on one autopsy of one 83-year-old woman’s cadaver (that’s right, one deceased woman), was published in the latest issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine by gynecologist Dr. Adam Ostrzenski and is the first documented scientific account of the anatomic existence of the G-spot.

According to Dr. Ostrzenski, the structure is a distinct, well-defined, blue grape-like structure within a sac located on the back of the vagina. Specific dimensions of this particular woman’s G-spot were provided, alongside pictures of the structure as it was dissected.

Although we can gain some scientific benefit from this dissection, it is premature to draw conclusions and generalize to women as a whole. When I heard about this study, I got in contact with a colleague of mine, Dr. Jonathan Huber, an Ottawa-based obstetrician/gynecologist and Associate Professor at the Northern Ontario School of Medicine, to get his insight into this study. He also had some concerns about the implications of the study, stating:

We know nothing about the sexual functioning of that cadaver as a living person, so its presumptuous to make the connection between the described anatomical feature and how it might have functioned or felt to her in the context of her life. More importantly, though, the search for the anatomical basis of the G-spot de-emphasizes potentially more important factors that contribute to sexual pleasure.

If we use the clitoris as an example of another anatomical structure of which the location, nervous anatomy, and function is well-described, Dr. Huber says,

Simply knowing about or having a clitoris isn’t necessarily the panacea of sexual pleasure for all women. There are a number of important sociocultural influences that can lead to sexual dysfunction, even in women with perfectly functioning clitorises. Similarly, simply knowing the location and anatomy of the G-spot won’t necessarily lead to sexual pleasure or better sex for all women, and it’s important to keep that in mind when evaluating the importance of this research.

Its premature to draw any conclusions about all women from a dissection of a single cadaver. However, Dr. Ostrzenski claims he is currently currently conducting studies to identify the G-spot in women of different ages and believes the G-spot can weaken or rupture, most commonly through trauma experienced during labor.

If we create hype around the existence of the G-spot as the central pleasure point, we will see an unwarranted increase in potentially dangerous (and expensive) procedures for “G-spot amplification” such as the “G-shot” that temporarily augments the G-spot. The problem with treatments like this is that there is no scientific evidence to indicate that having this procedure done actually has any positive impact on pleasure or satisfaction, not to mention the lack of any research on risks or complications.

What is even more troubling to me is that Dr. Ostrzenski is a cosmetic gynecologist, and leading the public to believe that female sexual function will be improved by this discovery has the potential for major profit for his practice. Claims are already being made based on this research that you can “regain your self-confidence with genitalia rejuvenation”, despite these procedures having tragic consequences for many women.

Instead, more emphasis should be placed on the diversity found in women’s sexual pleasure and directed away from one anatomical structure being responsible for pleasure. There are a lot of interpersonal components that go into a pleasurable sexual experience. If focus is placed on finding some grape-like structure that was found in one cadaver, my concern is that pleasure might be replaced with disappointment for a lot of women.

Other Articles by Kristen Mark
Sexually Adventurous More Sexually Satisfied
Sexual Desire Discrepancy Uncovered

This post first appeared on the KinseyConfidential.com website on April 25, 2012.

Kristen Mark, MSc, is a doctoral candidate in Health Behavior at Indiana University. She is the Statistical Consultant and a Project Coordinator for the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, the Survey Director for Good in Bed, a writer for Kinsey Confidential and has written for websites and magazines. Find out more about Kristen on her website KristenMark.com, read her blogs on SexpertReMark.com, follow her on Twitter, and Pintrest.

It’s dubbed as the time when everyone seems to take stock of what is around them from dust bunnies that need a spring clean to partners that are dragging you down and also need to be spring cleaned. Or purged. Whatever works for you.

But relationship researchers haven’t really examined the environmental factors that can lead to a spring break-up or the environmental factors that encourage the break-up in the first place. David McCandless and Lee Bryon analyzed 10,000 Facebook status updates that included “We broke up because…” looking for insight into disclosure about romance that had gone sideways. What did they find?

Monday: a common day to get dumped. My suggestion: Don’t talk to your partner on Mondays if you want to avoid this one.

Right before Spring Break (which could be mid-Feb or mid- to late March depending on what you do for a living and where you live) also not good for your relationship. Especially not good if your spring break falls just after V-day!

Some unidentified time before the summer holidays.

Two weeks before Christmas–because on the 25th would just be “too cruel”.

Now back to this Valentine’s day business; it turns out that V-day is a hard one for (many) relationships. In this study, 99 men and 146 women came into the lab twice during one of these 4 months: September, November, February, or April. While in the lab, they filled out various relationship measures.

Survey says? The February group (who came in just before and just after V-day) were 2.5 more likely to report that their relationship had ended between their testing sessions.

Why? Well the anticipation and aftermath of V-day (disappointed with what partner did for you or maybe more like what they did not do for you) leads to diminished expectations about the relationship in general as well as about your partner, increased attractiveness to alternative partners, and generally feeling that the relationship quality is decreasing.

Who is most at risk? Those who are rocky going into V-day, a-la-Titanic.

So if you made it beyond V-day and your relationship is still in tact and Spring Break has come and gone you’re basically safe.

Until people want to be foot loose and fancy free in the summer. Which is basically just around the corner.

But should you be needing to find an exit strategy to remove yourself from your relationship at hand, might I suggest one of these strategies (rated by 52 male and 83 female undergraduate students as the most compassionate strategies to use when breaking up with someone else in this study).

To start, here are the 5 most compassionate ways to break up with someone:
1. Emphasize to your partner the good things gained from the relationship in the past.
2. Try to avoid leaving things on a sour note with your partner.
3. Try to prevent your partner from having any “hard feelings” about the break-up.
4. Avoid blaming your partner at all costs, even if your partner was to blame.
5. Avoid hurting your partner’s feelings at all costs.

And if you are looking to be a real dick-face, any of these 5 least compassionate strategies will do in a pinch:
1. Ask a third party to break the break up news to your partner.
2. Threaten your partner if s/he doesn’t accept the break-up.
3. Become unpleasant to your partner in the hopes that s/he would make the first move.
4. Verbally blame your partner for causing the break-up, even if you thought s/he weren’t totally to blame.
5. Text message your partner to tell him/her how you feel.

You’ll notice that signing into msn but appearing off line and sending someone a break-up note while they are also off line and then quickly signing out before they sign in and respond didn’t make the top 5. Guess that wasn’t such a bad break-up strategy after all.

Other Jocelyn Blogs
Noisy Sex May Mean She’s Not Enjoying Herself
Would You Date a Bisexual
Women (and Men) Stop Faking Orgasm!

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at SexResearchandTheCity.com and follow her on Twitter.

But what does a small matter like completely misdiagnosing a celebrity have to do when it gets in the way of selling headlines?

As a result we’ve readily taken this information as god-spell and sex addiction has become a ‘real’ condition. And what a dangerous predicament it has created for the average couple’s sexual health.

Let’s be clear, there are two camps when it comes to sex addiction: those who believe it is a real affliction; and those who don’t. I’m obviously in the ‘don’t’ camp.

Sexual addiction is, in my opinion, an easy and convenient label for a very complicated problem. As it stands there is a lack of empirical evidence and scientific agreement on whether such a condition even exists.

Dr. Marty Klein a leading expert in this field of psychotherapy gives the best explanation about sex addiction in this video.

You see, the trick to defining sex addiction is to determine ‘normal’ sexual pursuits. An exercise in subjectivity as every person has their own comfort level and preference: some people want sex three times a day (or more); some have exotic tastes; others favor vanilla sex.

Consequently, it’s extremely difficult to do any scientific study that can set guidelines to say what are acceptable ways to express sexuality.

That said, when you look at what sex addiction advocates have developed over the last 15 years, their standards are a moral judgment—rather than scientific conclusion—based around a heterosexual, monogamous, long term sex lifestyle. Any other forms of sexual expression outside these boundaries could be construed as a sex addiction.

Apparently a lot of people agree with this belief system as we see the term popping up all over the media. In fact, Oprah and Dr. Phil have christened it as a real condition. Dr. Drew Pinsky had an incredibly popular television show helping B-list celebrities.

And let’s face it: sex addiction does make fantastic reality TV viewing.

Why don’t you see if YOU are a sex addict: take the Carne’s on-line sex addiction test. Chances are if you’ve done anything outside the norm, you are indeed a sex addict.

But don’t worry if you are, you can self-cure. It’s usually involves twelve steps, a religious awakening and modifying your sexual behavior (not abstaining like a proper addiction would dictate).

Not surprisingly, all this media attention has filtered down to the average couple. Now looking at porn on your computer is the first step to becoming a sex addict—and every spouse needs to beware and worry about these destructive behaviors. Now there’s a recipe for disaster: Treating your guy like he’s a complete Neanderthal who is unable to control even the smallest of sexual urges.

When you self diagnosis, it’s difficult to impartially gauge if the behavior is obsessive and harmful to you and your partner; or, more likely, you’re uncomfortable with the behavior and don’t know how to manage the circumstance.

For the record: I do believe there are people who are obsessive compulsive about sex and cause severe stress on family, friends, loved ones and their work environment. These people do need to seek out help. Yet, it’s been my experience this is the rare exception and not the norm.

So the next time you read that someone in the news has a sex addiction, please take it with a grain of salt. Most likely they don’t. It’s probably about feeding the insatiable public its next salacious headline and not about giving people a proper sex education.

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Back to my friend catching her ex masturbating: She laughed recounting how he frantically pulled up his pants while muttering inane excuses. It was clear he was far more embarrassed than her by the incident.

After the laughter subsided her mood completely shifted. Angry she confided, “And then a few months later I found him with his pants down in front of the computer, looking at nude pictures.” There was a nervous hesitation then, “I could never trust him after that. And the mistrust was a big reason why we split up.”

I was writing about cyber sex and asking the regular Jane how she felt about it. Everyone–I mean everyone–assumed there was something wrong or missing in a relationship in order for an individual to turn to sex on the internet.

Of course this could be true. However, it never occurred to any of them that cyber sex could be a healthy sexual outlet for someone in a happy, stable relationship.

Something else became crystal clear: cyber sex is a contentious and complex couple issue. Perhaps for good reason but then again it shouldn’t become a relationship deal breaker.

I can well appreciate that a male partner looking at nude photos of bodacious beauties— secretly —on the internet is enough to shake-up even the most confident gal.

However, it’s my belief that the real trouble comes because the average busy couple is not willing to tackle the ‘relationship communication’ necessary to successfully navigate through this.

Here’s the deal with Cyber Sex
Most people automatically assume engaging in cyber sex equates to deviant behavior. In truth, the stigma around cyber sex comes down to a lot of unknowns which makes it seem threatening.

Plus, the internet is a relatively new medium which naturally makes for a blurred line of what is acceptable sexual behavior.

Is virtual sex considered cheating?
Maybe. It comes down to the people involved.

First, you need to assess your situation and decide whether cyber sex is: (1)a once in a while thing; (2) or happens frequently enough to get in the way of your relationship.

It’s a once in a while thing
You don’t have to like or accept this; but you do have to understand that if you give a “you can never do this” ultimatum, chances are your partner will still do it. Behind your back.

Instead, you need to discuss and come to an agreement on a few things. The first being: what does the term ‘having sex’ mean to you? Is it flirting, intercourse, oral sex, self pleasuring? Until you can figure this out, it’s almost impossible to go to step two.

Next you need to set boundaries on what is acceptable behavior within your partner’s online relationship(s) and personal relationship.

Then go online together, just once, to see what it’s about. That way when you have your ‘relationship communication’, it will be infinitely easier to set those all important boundaries.

What if they go online all the time?
So there you are, in the bedroom willing and wanting to have time together and your partner is busy jacking-off in front of their computer. All the time. This is where you need to sit down and have a frank conversation about how your partner’s behavior is affecting your relationship happiness. If the conversations just aren’t working, it’s time to seek out counseling.

Is it the sex or the secrecy?
I believe it’s the secrecy of your partner engaging in virtual sex that causes the majority of difficulty—if not devastation—to a relationship. I appreciate that it’s difficult to bring up that you want to dabble in cyber sex, but it’s even more difficult to try and resolve an issue of mistrust.

Last word on cyber sex
Believe it or not there are many benefits to cyber sex. Not only is it safe sex, it’s an easy way for someone to discover a hidden desire and become less sexually inhibited. As well, if you think you might want to try out a sexual fantasy, it’s a safe way to see if it suits you.

Perhaps one day, cyber sex might become as acceptable as fantasy or role play; another safe sex way to titillate the imagination. My guess is, however, it will be many, many years before that happens.

Related
Is Cyber Sex Cheating? [Video]
Sexually Adventurous Much More Sexually Satisfied
Are You Tolerant of Sexual Fetishes?

This conundrum struck me while reading the Maclean’s article, “Why Sex Appeal Trumps an M.B.A” by Catherine Hakim former Senior Research Fellow for the London School of Economics. The article featured her newest book, Honey Money: The Power of Erotic Capital.

According to Hakim, “If women exploited their sex appeal when climbing the corporate ladder, they would be way ahead of men.” She is, of course, is stirring the feminist pot and yet I believe a lot of what she espouses to be true.

To stir the pot even further and add to her theory, I believe women lose a lot of their so called ‘Erotic Capital’ once they become moms.

Esther Perel’s wonderful book, Mating in Captivity, talks about how North American men, generally, see pregnant women and mommies as asexual. It was only men from non-Anglo Saxon roots that would flirt with moms.

I thought it an interesting observation; that is until I became pregnant with my first child. With the first bloom of baby-bump men shifted their focus to seeing me as a “Madonna”. Then once I sported said baby on my hip, I officially became asexual.

But the full effects of becoming asexual didn’t hit home until six months after giving birth. On a media tour (and childless) I was rushing through an airport wearing a fabulous clingy dress with smashing stiletto heels.

Was so preoccupied with not falling over as I teetered along—it had been at least a year since I wore high heels—that I almost didn’t notice men looking at me. At first I thought it a lucky one-off. But no. One fellow even stopped mid-tracks and nudged his friend.

For just a moment things went into slow motion and became surreal. I had gotten so used to being invisible to the opposite sex. Not that men didn’t find me attractive. It was more like I had a big imaginary mommy-off-limits “X” crossed out in front of me.

At first, I chastised myself for being so shallow and needing other people’s validation. But after a bit of navel gazing, I discovered it was much more than that. Somewhere, somehow, I allowed myself to be okay with being invisible; maybe even encouraged it by buying into the “well, I’m a mommy now so I come second” mentality.

You see, 95 percent of the time I’m in full-on mommy-mode. Which can only be described kindly as ‘frumpy’. This even when I’m making an effort to look nice for when I drop my child off at playschool.

I’ve been to airports with my kids in tow and I’ve not garnered even a second glance. It’s my kids who get all of the attention.

When I compare those two people rushing through the airport, frump-mom has zero Erotic Capital: clingy dress, stiletto wearing woman has a lot of Erotic Capital.

Which makes me wonder: Is it simply the change in confidence or a lack of kids that makes the difference?

It was then that I understood why so many moms no longer feel attractive/ sexy/ sexual. Even if they are. It is, in part, the acceptance of being invisible to the opposite sex when they are in full on mommy mode.

And so perhaps by genetic predisposition, once a woman bears another man’s child she loses her Erotic Capital. But the bigger question remains is this a part of the reason why women aren’t able to earn as much once they become moms?

I don’t have that answer. Just stirring the pot to see what comes of it.

Related Blogs
Still a Double Standard for Women’s Sexuality
Noisy Sex May Mean She’s Not Enjoying Herself
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Dr. Trina Read is a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator. She is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Sign up for your free monthly newsletter filled with expert videos, articles, blogs and podcasts at Best Sex Tips Ever.com. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook

For those who haven’t heard of this book, it’s an erotica book cloaked in a ‘love story’. Christian Grey wants to dominate young and innocent Anastasia, and he wants her to be his submissive.

How do you explain to people who don’t believe fantasy is a good thing that a book about BDSM fantasy is an okay read? Not easy. But this interview, in my opinion, is everything that is ‘wrong’ with how our society acts and reacts to things that are outside the heterosexual-monogamous sex box.

And they brought in some heavy hitters to discuss this book. A clip of Dr. Laura Berman came on first and she explained that women do want and like the ‘bodice ripping’ type of fantasy.

Back in The Today studio, Host Savannah Gunthrie turned to her guest and wanted validation that the novel is “extremely disturbing” and that it is, “quite frankly, violence against women”.

First she asked Dr. Logan Levkoff who disagreed with Savannah that the book was ‘disturbing’ and then went on to talk about how fantasy and erotica are healthy. Not getting the response she wanted, Savannah then turned her attention to Dr. Drew Pinsky who was also “disturbed” and felt this novel, “went beyond fantasy and into actual violence against women.”

On the heels of this interview, Dr. Drew appeared on HLN with his wife—who loved the book—and brought out the fancy technical word, “pathology” to describe the sexual experience in this book. Pulease!

I just can’t understand why after having a long-running radio program and many TV shows on the topic of sex, Dr. Drew is so completely sex-negative. The only thing I can surmise is that he is pandering to the media, because the average American still believes this type of thing is morally wrong. It’s truly a shame the way he’s selling out to make a buck. Watch Canada.com video.

Now don’t get me wrong, this type of read isn’t for everyone. From the Amazon.com reviews, it’s clear that readers either love Fifty Shades of Grey or they hate it. And it probably has to do with the book being based in the world of BDSM (bondage discipline sado masochism).

What I think is interesting is how the American press is vilifying this type of female fantasy—again. In 1973 Nancy Friday gathered women’s fantasies and published My Secret Garden. Many of these average gal’s fantasies were about being dominated—just like Anastasia.

Similar to Fifty Shades of Grey there was a big outrage by the press saying it was ‘harmful’ to women.

Over 250,000 (and counting) of women have bought this book showing that some women really love this type of fantasy. It turns them on and makes them feel sexy and sexual.

Being titillated by erotica is as natural as breathing, and an incredibly easy way to get turned on.

If Fifty Shades of Grey doesn’t appeal to you, please don’t give up on erotica. This book may not be your thing, but there are a lot of other story lines that will appeal to you. Click here to read a hot little something, by Richard K. Monroe. (Here’s a second story if you liked that!)

And for the sake of women’s sexual emancipation world wide—sorry to be dramatic, but I feel that strongly—simply ignore the media and Dr. Drew when they tell you that it is harmful. It’s not.

You reading erotica and being sexually titillated is good…VERY good.

Read Richard Monroe’s (toe curling) Erotica
911
Late At The Office

Listen to Audio Erotic Stories
Nude HouseKeeping
The Pick-up Artist
Paint Me
Rags to Riches
A Little Off Base

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Dr. Trina Read is a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator. She is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Sign up for your free monthly newsletter filled with expert videos, articles, blogs and podcasts at Best Sex Tips Ever.com. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook

What is the average time for female orgasm?
As you probably already know, it generally takes women longer to reach orgasm than it does men. But just how much longer are we talking about? In the classic sex studies conducted by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s, they found that the average man was able to reach orgasm in about four minutes, whereas most women took ten to twenty minutes.(1)

More recent studies have reported similar numbers. However, keep in mind that there is significant variability in how long it takes people to climax, with some men and women experiencing premature orgasm and others taking much longer periods of time.

Do you think that there is a spectrum of sexuality/orientations?
Although many people think of sexual orientation as comprising just three discrete categories (i.e., gay, straight, and bisexual), there are others who believe sexuality should instead be viewed on a continuum, with varying degrees of heterosexuality and homosexuality. Alfred Kinsey was among the first to propose such a sexuality spectrum with his famous Kinsey Scale.(2)

This scale ranges from 0 to 6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, 3 being equally heterosexual and homosexual, and 6 being exclusively homosexual. The numbers in between essentially reflect differing states of bisexuality. The nice thing about such a scale is that it does not attempt to put everyone into a neat little box—it allows for a lot of individual variability, and there’s certainly a lot of that when it comes to sex!

For instance, although somewhere around 7-8% of the population identifies as gay or bisexual, the percentage of people who have ever had a same-sex encounter is much, much higher.(3) By looking at sexuality on a spectrum, we wouldn’t automatically categorize the latter individuals as ‘straight’; instead, we could place them on the continuum in a way that more appropriately reflects their sexual history. Thus, there’s a lot of value to adopting such an approach to the study of sexual orientation.

What’s the data on men’s views on women having multiple partners vs. women’s views?
A significant amount of research has found that both men and women judge female promiscuity more harshly than male promiscuity.(4) This is the case in most societies around the world—women who sleep around are typically condemned and looked down upon, whereas men who engage in the same behaviors are subject to far less criticism.

However, I should note that research in this area has not been entirely consistent. Some studies have found no sex difference in endorsement of this double standard, whereas others have shown that men and women vary in terms of the degree to which they buy into it. Any way you look at it, though, female sexual behavior tends to be judged more negatively than male sexual behavior.

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Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller is a social psychologist, relationship researcher, and sex columnist living and working in Boston, Massachusetts. He has published over 20 scholarly works, including articles in some of the leading scientific journals on sex and relationships. His research has been featured prominently in numerous media outlets, including Psychology Today, The Globe and Mail, Men’s Health, The Sunday Times, and the National Geographic Channel. Dr. Lehmiller writes a column entitled Lusting, Loving, and Leaving on the Science of Relationships website, as well as a sexuality and relationships blog at Lehmiller.com, follow him on Twitter.

1. Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1966). Human sexual response. Boston, MA: Little, Brown.
2. Kinsey, A., Pomeroy, W. B., & Martin, C. E. (1948). Sexual behavior in the human male. Philadelphia: Saunders.
3. National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB). Findings from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, Centre for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7 (Suppl. 5).
4. Crawford, M., & Popp, D. (2003). Sexual double standards: A review and methodological critique of two decades of research. The Journal of Sex Research, 40, 13-26.