More accurately it shows how Chaz aligned his external secondary sex characteristics with his internal gender identity. Say what? This sounds confusing and I know even our dear media gets it wrong much of the time (God forbid), but lets examine what these terms really mean. Or specifically, the question is what makes Chaz a guy? Here’s the breakdown. The definitions are from Wikipedia:

Sexual Identity
Is a term that, like sex, has two distinctively different meanings. One describes an identity roughly based on sexual orientation, the other an identity based on sexual characteristics, which is not socially based but based on biology, a concept related to, but different from, gender identity.

Gender Identity (otherwise known as core gender identity)
The gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological sex, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation. The gender identities one may identify as include male, female, both, somewhere in between (“third gender“), or neither

Sexual Orientation
Describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to men, women, both genders, neither gender, or another gender.

OK, your head is probably spinning from these definitions. But using Chaz as an example, here’s how these definitions play out…

Chaz is now considered a heterosexual male—yes, transsexual externally but none the less. However, it seems to go unacknowledged that Chaz has been relating as a male to his partner for a very long time (the lovely Jennifer Elia, who he is pictured with). It’s been said that he was never really comfortable with the term lesbian because that wasn’t how he completely felt.

And granted Chaz (while still Chastity), did identify as a lesbian for a period of time. He probably did so not because he really was but because he was just trying to figure himself out. After all, who wants to jump into a process of sex reassignment surgeries without doing enough self reflection? Anyway, it can be tough for someone who doesn’t fit into our boy/girl stereotypes–Boys Don’t Cry ring any bells? Not an easy task in our culture.

While Chaz’s biological sex upon birth was female, his secondary sexual characteristics (how he presents physically) are now male. I won’t even get into the chromosomal issues but suffice it to say our chromosomes have something to say about our biological sex and identity. But Chaz is a guy because he identifies with being male…period.

Ultimately, these are all labels to make you and I feel better-–he, she, hetero, homo, gay straight etc. We don’t like to get out of our comfort zone as a general rule. For instance, if I assume you are a heterosexual guy, I might ask you, “Who is going to win the Superbowl?” Or if you are an apparent flaming gay boy, I might say, “Did you catch fashion week?” What becomes noticeable is how flawed all of this thinking is. You may be a hetero guy who could give a flying fuck about “the game” or you could be a twink who has no idea who Manolo Blahnik is. It is our human nature to want to categorize and make sense of one another. No harm is usually intended.

By the way, note I am using the pronoun ‘he’. As a heads up, one ALWAYS uses the pronoun of however any person identifies. This has nothing to do with whether a person “looks” male or female or what is between their legs. I know we all get used to sizing people up in a matter of seconds but one should never ass-u-me, got it? If a drag queen has a penis but refers to herself with a female name and the pronoun ‘she’, then gosh darn it that is the proper etiquette for how everyone should refer to her.

I think we are all inherently curious about one another. But beyond that knee jerk reaction of, “I’ve decided who you are in the first 30 seconds,” of our interaction or within the first paragraph of an article in People Magazine, I say we learn to give one another a break and get conscious about our pigeon holing. We may never train ourselves fully out of the desire to categorize but if we can train ourselves to be conscious of the fact that there is much more to each one of us than meets the eye, I think we will all be pleasantly surprised by how interesting each one of us is. Obviously, it’s also good practice to keep us on our toes about discrimination and bias.

In the end, we just may begin to evolve as a culture and learn to appreciate one another for all of our quirky nuances. I thank Chaz for putting himself out there and allowing us to learn from his own process of becoming.

Dr. Kat is a Clinical Sexologist Marriage and Family Therapist who has been practicing in the field of counseling since 1994. In addition to her training in Marriage, Family and Addictions, she has extensive sexuality training. Find out more at: Dr.Kat.com

However, in a recent study I conducted at the University of New Brunswick (UNB), it appears as though men may be just as hard-wired for romance as women (click here to read about my study in the paper).

My study assessed implicit attitudes toward sex and romance among 182 UNB students – 68 men and 114 women. Implicit attitudes are attitudes that exist just below awareness. They are the attitudes that people hold that they are not necessarily aware of. In order to capture these attitudes, the participants administered a computer test called the Implicit Association Test (IAT). The IAT is designed to measure reaction speed in order to assess implicit attitudes. In doing so, participants were instructed to categorize both sexual (pornographic) and romantic (e.g., couple strolling along a beach, a picnic, or a romantic dinner) images to pleasant and unpleasant categories.

The quicker the sexual and romantic images were paired to a particular category the stronger the association between the two. For example, if a participant can more quickly categorize sexual with pleasant and romantic with unpleasant, it can be posited he/she has an automatic preference for sexual over romantic images.

Contrary to what many of you may assume, my research indicated that BOTH men and women shared an implicit preference for romance over sex. Meaning that men and women automatically associated the romantic images to the pleasant category quicker than they did the sexual images. It is important to note, that we DID find a gender difference. In particular, we found that women preferred romantic images more so than did men, however, the surprising result still is that they BOTH preferred romance over sex!

Although my results may have come as quite a shock to you, it is not completely unheard of in the research world. In fact, several studies have indicated that men may be just as romantic as women if not MORE. Specifically, the latest findings by psychologist Marissa Harrison (2011), from Pennsylvania State University in the US, determined that men fall in love quicker and take longer to fall out of love when compared to women. In fact, it was found that men were three times more likely to declare their love before women when involved in a heterosexual relationship.

So, the next time you are deciding what movie to catch on a first date, a romantic comedy may be just as appealing to your man as it is to you!

Ashley Thompson is a PhD student at the University of New Brunswick in experimental and applied psychology with research interests in sexuality and attraction. Ashley completed her undergraduate degree at University of Wisconsin at River Falls in psychology. She is originally from Minneapolis, Minnesota and has moved to Canada for her graduate pursuits. Find out more at Turned-On.net.

So what’s illegal when it comes to prostitution? Well, running a bawdy house/brothel, solicitation for the purposes of prostitution (i.e., publicly communicating for prostitution), living on the avails of prostitution (i.e., being a bodyguard)…all illegal.

Say what?

It really makes no sense. Prostitution in essence is a legal activity. But most of the behaviours and actions around said legal activity are illegal. The three provisions (no bawdy house/brothels, no solicitation, no living on the avails) are exactly what female Ontario Supreme Court Judge, Susan Himel, ruled should be struck down as they put sex workers at danger. Her ruling was appealed, hence the Ontario Court of Appeal hearing last week.

The underlying message behind Justice Himel’s September 2010 ruling really does deal with the crux of this matter: prostitution (complete with all related activities) is either illegal or it isn’t. It is nonsensical that the actual act of prostitution is legal, yet many of the behaviours surrounding it are illegal.

But don’t expect any quick answers on this appeal. The Court of Appeal for Ontario (made up of 5 judges) heard arguments on the pros and cons of legalizing the activities surrounding prostitution all last week. It’s possible that their review and subsequent ruling could take months.

At which point, it’ll likely be appealed – by either side – to the Supreme Court of Canada. Lucky me, I live in Ottawa and can get tickets to this Supreme court case!

However, given the current Conservative government of Canada, there are many suspicions that this issue will come to a halt at the Supreme Court.

But what does this mean for sex workers if upheld by the Supreme Court of Canada? Well….

It means that sex workers would be able to engage in their profession from the safety of their homes rather than on the street or at their clients’ homes.

It means that sex workers could call the police if dealing with a bad client from his/her place of business.

It means sex workers could hire a bodyguard during their work hours (remember, it’s illegal for someone to live on the avails of prostitution so a bodyguard can’t really make an honest living if being paid by a prostitute).

Aren’t these all good things? It’s not like Canada is constructing sex boxes like avante garde Switzerland.

Now the unfortunate news is that even if the Supreme Court of Canada does uphold Justice Himel’s original ruling, the sex workers most at risk (those who engage in sex work on the streets, individuals who have been the victim of human trafficking into sex work) won’t reap much benefit from these changes. It is the sex workers who choose this profession who will be the most protected by these changes.

Regardless, it seems like it’s a move in the right (but really left) direction. For much more detailed information on how this will effect sex workers, check out the Sex Professionals of Canada.

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at Sex Research and The City.com

Dear Determined to Have the Perfect Size,
You know, after receiving a minimum of five penis enlargement emails per day, I’m starting to think it might be time for a little fat injection down there too. And, I don’t think I’m alone.

Lots of guys wish they had a bigger penis, but it really isn’t necessary. The average erect penis size is five to seven inches. If you’re a little smaller, it really isn’t a deal breaker.

It scares me when I hear about guys feeling they need a huge penis to satisfy their partner. When it comes to penis-vagina sex, this certainly isn’t the case. In fact Determined to Have the Perfect Size, after you learn a little bit more about the sexual anatomy and physiology of girls, you might be glad you’re on the smaller side.

There are a couple of girl hot spots that don’t require a big penis for maximum stimulation. The clitoris is external and likes quick movements like that from a fast moving tongue, finger, or vibrator.

A huge penis whacking against the clit is certainly not going to get a girl off. And since most women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, a big one is not necessary.

And, just like guys have penises that vary widely in length, so do girl’s vaginal canals. Determined to Have the Perfect Size, did you know that the average vaginal canal is about six inches deep?

So if you dream of having a six-and-a-half incher, that half-inch will be wasted on most of the girls you sleep with.

And, if your penis was longer than her vaninal canal, you’d hit her cervix. Almost all women find this irritating and painful. That’s probably not the best sensation to give someone you love.

Further, the first two inches of a girl’s vagina is the most sensitive. That’s where all the nerve endings are. The last four inches have barely any nerve endings. Have you ever heard the expression ‘the lights are on, but nobody is home?’

Another womanly hot spot is her G-Spot. This area can be anywhere from the top of the vaginal opening to about 2 inches back. It’s also a little to the left. Once again, you’d only need a two incher to do the trick.

When it comes to oral, a huge one is not ideal either. The bigger the penis the harder it is for someone to perform oral sex on them.

And, if you ever meet a woman who lets you have anal with her, I bet she’ll be ecstatic you have a little guy.

Research actually shows that penis size does not affect a partner’s sexual satisfaction. In fact, I know plenty of women who prefer guys your size. One of my friends (who believe me, has seen penises in all shapes and sizes) had the best sex of her life with a guy much smaller than average.

She said he was like the Duracell bunny. He just kept going and going. And for women, that ain’t such a bad thing.

But Determined to Have the Perfect Size, you will undoubtedly run into a size queen at some point in your life. They might think they look nicer aesthetically or they may prefer the feeling of fullness a big one provides.

There are no lotions, potions, or pills that will add an extra inch or two. These are actually all scams and none of these have ever been scientifically proven to promote growth down there.

I highly doubt all your ex-girlfriends prefer larger men. If girls continuously kick you to the curb you might want to look at your skills as a partner rather than your skills as a lover.

Sure sex is important, but most women would prefer to date a nice guy who is mediocre in the sack than someone mean who has all the right moves.

So Determined to Have the Perfect Size, I hope all this helps you realize there is no ‘perfect’ penis size. Love yourself, penis and all, and don’t be shy about its size. If you do, I bet the girls will be running towards you, not away from you.

Best regards, Dr. Brian Parker

Dr. Brian Parker is the creator of Embrace board game. He also is owner of ForeverPleasure.com an on-line adult store that sells the very best product.

Silicone
Silicone is the ideal sex toy material. It is non-porous and the only sex toy material that can be disinfected. Because of this it can be shared between partners or used vaginally or anally after it has been boiled in water for around 4 minutes. Please remember that you CANNOT boil a silicone vibe or dildo that has a vibrator unit inside of it. Silicone is also hypoallergenic so individuals with latex allergies can use them. Further, silicone toys are non-toxic, pliable, durable, have no sharp seams, warms to the body quickly, retains heat, and carries vibration like a dream. They also don’t degrade so they last a long time. Forever Pleasure only sells silicone toys that are 100% food or medical grade silicone. Please be aware that many products claim to be silicone when, by law, they only need to contain 10% silicone to claim they are ‘silicone.’ There are many cheap ‘silicone’ products on the market, which can be just as harmful as sex toys made from jelly.

Elastomer
Elastomer is quickly becoming a very popular material used with high-end, sex toys. It has properities very similar to silicone. It is hypoallergenic, so it is kinder to your skin. These toys are extremely soft, yet very durable so it will last for years. Elastomer vibes are also extremely quiet and much easier to clean than latex. They are also 100% latex-free, so individuals with latex allergies and sensitivities can use them with no worries.

Soft Vinyl
Food grade vinyl sex toys from excellent manufacturers are less porous and last longer than jelly toys. They are extremely soft and pliable, yet hard enough to feel great. Soft vinyl is a great vibe material because it carries vibrations wonderfully. Forever Pleasure only carries high-end food grade vinyl sex toys made in Japan. Some stores and sites carry cheap vinyl toys that are quite porous. These toys are more likely to house bacteria and yeast causing nasty vaginal and/or rectal infections. Because of this you should always use a condom on your inexpensive vinyl sex toys. Because vinyl toys are more porous they do not last as long as silicone toys. Further, vinyl cannot be disinfected. Clean your vinyl toys with anti-bacterial soap and water.

Latex
Latex vibrators and dildos are not as common as they used to be. Latex toys are generally more cost-effective than silicone or elastamer toys, however, they have their disadvantages. Latex is soft, but not pliable so these products do not bend well. Latex is also very porous, which makes the toy break down over time and difficult to clean properly. Since you cannot sterilize latex toys you MUST use condoms on your toys if you share them with a partner or use them for vaginal and anal penetration. As well, many individuals have latex allergies or sensitivities. These individuals should use hypoallergenic sex toys made from silicone or elastomer.

Plastic
Plastic toys are generally very hard and not pliable. They are usually smooth, but the cheaper toys have sharp seams that can cut the vaginal canal or rectum. Hard plastic does conduct vibrations well and can usually be used safely for the exterior stimulation of the erogenous zones. They are also easy to clean with either sex toy cleaner or rubbing alcohol. However, most plastic sex toys are poorly made and one should steer clear from them if at all possible.

CyberskinTM or other Realistic Materials
These toys are known for their realistic-looking and feeling flesh-like texture. They are soft, smooth and flexible, much like human skin. However, these toys are extremely difficult to keep clean after use. You can keep your toy from looking like a lint magnet by adding corn starch or CyberskinTM talc after each use. They are also very porous and difficult to clean and cannot be sterilized. Like jelly toys, they may contain harmful phthalates. If you must use these toys, please use a condom each and every time.

Jelly
Jelly sex toys are extremely common because it is an inexpensive material that can easily be formed into almost any shape. They come in a huge array of shapes, sizes, and colours. Jelly toys are very soft and pliable, yet can be quite rigid during play time. Jelly toys are porous and difficult to properly clean. They CANNOT be sterilized like silicone. They also appear to contain chemical agents called phthalates, which have been known to cause health problems in laboratory studies. It is important to note that inserting jelly toys into the vagina or anus can be harmful to your health. Please use a condom everytime you use a jelly toy to help with safety, maintenance, and cleaning. Also, please read the Health Issues with Inexpensive Sex Toys section for more information.

Glass
Glass sex toys should be made from PyrexTM, which is generally laboratory quality. It should not shatter when dropped, but they can. If you see a crack your glass toy discontinue use immediately. You do not want a glass toy breaking while using it internally. Glass is non-porous, retains temperature very well, and is extremely smooth. It does not contain phthalates and is easy to clean with antibacterial soap and water. PyrexTM glass toys can even be boiled.

Metal
High quality metal sex toys are fine if they do not have any sharp seams and if they are unpainted. Painted metal toys are prone to flaking. Cheap metal vibes are not recommended. Metal toys are very hard, non-porous, 100% phthalate-free, and usually quite smooth. They are easily cleaned with anti-bacterial soap and warm water.

Dr. Brian Parker is the creator of Embrace board game. He also is owner of ForeverPleasure.com an on-line adult store that sells the very best product.

Most of the faking happens, I believe, because we put far too much pressure on ourselves to perform in bed. Not only do our bedroom antics stop us from having great sex, we also lose touch with our erogenous zones and eventually disconnect from our sexuality.

So yes, no matter how awkward this conversation is going to be, you have to tell him. Today. Most guys will take this personally and become upset.

If he’s not great in bed, break it to him gently. Believe it or not, most guys don’t know much about a woman’s erogenous zones.

Then you need to tell him what you like. If you can’t tell him, show him. Guide his hands over your hot spots and teach him exactly what makes you purr (fun!)

Stop faking, stop focusing on having orgasms, and just enjoy the pleasurable sensations your body is feeling. You’ll orgasm a whole lot easier that way.

Great Sex Tip
With orgasm, a woman will experience contractions every 0.8th of a second which can be felt in her vaginal canal and rectum. A woman’s orgasm typically lasts between thirteen to fifty-one seconds.

What Sensual Product is Best for You?
When purchasing sensual products it is important to determine what type of product would best enhance your sex life at this time. Choosing the right erotic product is a personal experience that meets an individual’s specific needs and desires. Reading through the entire guide will help with your decision. We know that when individuals understand their emotional, physical, and relationship desires they are happier with their sex toy purchases.

If this is your first sex toy purchase ever you may not want to buy the biggest dildo possible. Sometimes our eyes are bigger than our vaginas or anuses. The dimensions of each product are included on our ForeverPleasure.com website so customers can choose the perfect size for them. You can also read the vibrator, dildo, and anal play sections of this guide to get help in picking the right toy for the job.

If you’re in a relationship and new to this sort of thing, you may want to start with a massage oil, romantic game, or an external vibrator that both partners can enjoy. You can slowly add more exciting products to your toy drawer over time.

If the toy is just for you it’s a little easier. Try to determine what will turn you on the most. Women may want to experiment with clitoral, G-spot, or blended stimulations. Men may want to experiment with different types of lube, cock rings, or masturbation sleeves. Many individuals enjoy anal play as well. And, some individuals may want to explore pornography and erotica.

Once you peruse Forever Pleasure’s website you’ll probably know exactly what ‘turns you on.’ If not, or if you or your partner have any questions, please contact us through email and we’ll be happy to help you find the perfect toy(s).

Dr. Brian Parker creator of Embrace board game and owns ForeverPleasure.com an on-line adult store that sells the very best product and educates you before you buy.

Dear Check Up,
Yes, both you and your partner should get tested every 6 months to a year. Many people have STIs without knowing they have one. The reason is that many STIs are asymptomatic. That is, the individual has no signs or symptoms that they have the STI. This is especially common with gonorrhea and chlamydia. Eighty to ninety percent of women and 40% to 50% of men have no signs or symptoms of gonorrhea and/or chlamydia. Because many STIs are asymptomatic you should get tested before entering a new sexual relationship.

The reason experts tell people to get tested every 6 months to a year even if they are in a committed relationship is because many people cheat on their partners. In fact, studies show that 22% of men and 11% of women have sex outside of their relationship. Because of this, experts say that you should get tested for STIs regularly and always use condoms and dental dams to protect yourself.

Best regards, Dr. Brian Parker

Dr. Brian Parker, Sexologist and overall hottie, is the owner of ForeverPleasure.com and creator of the board game Embrace.

Perhaps it’s because there’s just too many designated days, or too many good causes to keep track of. Perhaps it’s because HIV/ AIDS has been around for over thirty years and has become just another major illness in the long list of other major illnesses.

No surprise then that World’s HIV/AIDS day came and went on December 1st. Other than the sex educators and HIV/AIDS advocates, not too many people took notice.

The bad news? The number of people living with HIV worldwide rose from around 8 million in 1990, to a staggering 33 million by the end of 2009.

The good news? The overall growth of the epidemic has stabilized in recent years. The annual number of new HIV infections has steadily declined and due to the significant increase in people receiving antiretroviral therapy, the number of AIDS-related deaths has also declined.

The bad news? The only real solution is education. Not ironically, there’s a direct (and distressing) correlation between where education is difficult to access and where this disease is epidemic. With around 68 percent of all people living with HIV residing in sub-Saharan Africa, the region carries the greatest burden of the epidemic.

I won’t get into the politics and the financial strain this causes world nations—because, I believe, most people would simply zone out.

So, yes, we’ve all got our good causes; and it’s difficult, if not impossible, to support everything.

Lest we forget those 33 million people (plus) living and dealing with HIV/ AIDS today.

Dear Mean Male Member,
This is one of the most common questions I get from men. There is a perpetuated myth that the bigger the penis the better. Or, that you need a large penis to satisfy a partner. This is definitely not true!

The average size of a flaccid (limp) male penis is between 3 and 3.5 inches. The average length of an erect penis is 6 inches. In fact, 90% of men have an erect penis between 5 inches and 7 inches in length. That means that 5% of men have an erect penis a little smaller than 5 inches and an equal number of adult men have an erect penis longer than 7 inches.

Most people don’t know that the vaginal canal varies in length as well. The average length of an unaroused vaginal canal is 3 to 3.5 inches. When a woman is aroused the average length is between 5 and 7 inches (the same as the penis!). So, if we are talking about penis-vagina sex, having a large penis (longer than 7 inches) really doesn’t matter.
Best regards, Dr. Brian Parker