Will something happen? Will the other person have reciprocal feelings? Will the friendship end once someone announces their (potentially unrequited) love?

The infamous Harry Burns definitely thinks men and women can’t be friends in When Harry Met Sally.

And why have cross-sex friends anyways? Well in our past, these friendships provided us with additional mating opportunities. But cross-sex friends are new, because back in the day, anyone you hung around with was likely genetically related to you.

So modern day friendship looks pretty different. Or so we think. We don’t have that much on cross-sex friendship. We have lots on same-sex friends, why friends are important, and the role of close relationships.

But how about this study (it’s NOT my study–I had nothing to do with it) researchers had 88 friendship pairs come into the study and fill out measures on their friendship. All were heterosexual and had been friends for an average of 2 years. They had to both report that they were not sexually or romantically involved with each other. Thus, any Friends with Benefits should’ve high-tailed it outta there at this point.

Survey says

(1) Men were more likely to report being attracted to their female friend and more likely to report their female friend being attracted to them – even though they reported that they knew they were more attracted to their female friends than their female friends were to them.

(2) Men more likely to report wanting to date their female friend and overestimated how much their female friends wanted to date them. Women made more accurate predictions in this regard: women reported that their male friends wanted to date them more than they wanted to date their male friends.

(3) It didn’t matter to the men if they were in a relationship with someone else–single and non-single males reported the same level of attraction to their female friends. Women made a distinction: single women reported more attraction for their male companions.

Women underestimated the level of attraction their male friends had for them.

Does “He doesn’t like me; we’re just friends” sound familiar, anyone?

Then in Study 2, they asked people in age groups 18-23 and 27-55 about the benefits and costs to cross-sex friendship.

Check these tables out
Table #1

Table #2

Being attracted to a partner: costly and confusing.

Older group reported fewer opposite sex friends (function of marriage?) with older aged women reporting the fewest opposite sex friends. Jealous partners perhaps? Overall, women reported less attraction to opposite sex friends. Not surprisingly, men were more likely to report attraction as a benefit for both age groups.

Single adults reported as much attraction to opposite sex friends as the younger adult group did. Singles were also less likely to report cross-sex friends as a potential cost.

Of course friendships aren’t just costly; friends can also be convenient sexual partners.

Other Jocelyn Wentland Blogs
Top Ten Reasons for Friends With Benefits
Noisy Sex May Mean She’s Not Enjoying Herself
Would You Date a BiSexual?

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at SexResearchandTheCity.com and follow her on Twitter.

One approach to orgasm-inducing intercourse involves the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). This positioning and movement can provide a woman with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, stimulate a man’s shaft and prostatic nerves and does not require any challenging gymnastic moves or flexibility. Hooray! Because we’re tired of swinging off chandeliers, right?

The CAT is a basic modification of the missionary position that involves the man riding up on a woman’s pelvis so they can rock and rub the clitoris against the base of his penis and/or pelvic bone.

Here’s the basic breakdown:
(1) The woman lies on her back and the man lies on top inserting his penis into the vagina.
(2) He then shifts his body upwards along hers (he can rest his hands/arms beside her head) so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press firmly against her clitoral hood and pelvic bone.
(3) Often the CAT involves the woman pressing her pelvis upwards and wrapping her feet around his calves.
Play with synchronized rocking and rubbing movements as opposed to in-and-out thrusting.
(4) Some women find intensified pleasure in squeezing their legs together during the CAT to create greater friction and tension.This squeezing sensation can also intensify the male partner’s pleasure.

Sound technical? It’s really quite simple and feels a lot better than it looks on paper. Don’t take my word for it. Try it out for yourself!

Once you’ve got the hang of rubbing the clitoral hood and female pelvic bone against the hard base of the penis and/or male pelvic bone during intercourse, you can modify the CAT into a range of other positions on your side or even upside down.

If the CAT doesn’t make you tingle with passion, don’t feel the need to give up on intercourse entirely. No singular approach to pleasure works for every woman, but if you keep experimenting, you’ll find your triggers. Play with running water, vibrating toys, fingers, tongues and fantasy until you find your toes curling with pleasure beneath the sheets (or on the hood of the car as the case may be).

And ladies and gents, please don’t ignore all your other beautiful erogenous zones: the brain, breasts, thighs, backs of knees, feet, palms, neck, ears, belly, bum and more!

Some women can orgasm through fantasy alone and others can reach the heights of ecstasy with a little breast play. Others swear by anal stimulation, while some find sharing of far-fetched fantasies incomparable as a means to orgasmic release.

Combine any of these activities to find what works for you. With the right attitude and a healthy sense of humour, you should enjoy both the process and the end result.

Have fun experimenting and always practice safer sex!

Related Articles
Asking For What You Want in Bed
What Does an Orgasm Feel Like?
Man Wants to Last Longer During Sex

Dr. Jess (Jessica O’Reilly) is a sought-after sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. She maintains a private practice in Toronto and travels the world to speak at events that promote healthy and deliciously pleasurable sex. From regular appearances on Cosmopolitan Television and Playboy TV to hosting retreats in the sunny Caribbean, she relishes in every moment! Check out her website SexWithDrJess.com, follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Originally published in Eligible Magazine.com

Most women who I have spoken with who are not into anal sex have usually had it, ahem, “thrust” upon them in the throes of passion. One minute they were having hot sex, and the next, something was being shoved up their butt. I can say with utmost confidence, this is NOT the way to approach anal sex with a partner for the first time.

There are many ways to find out if your girlfriend might be interested. One of the easiest ways would be to bring up the conversation outside of the bedroom. Begin by sharing your sexual likes and dislikes and within that conversation you could simply ask for her thoughts about anal play.

If her reaction is, “ewwww, gross,” you could ask her why she feels that way. It might be she’s had a bad experience or she has simply had years of receiving negative messages about that part of her body. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she wouldn’t be open to exploring anal play if it is done slowly and safely in a trusting environment.

However, if she is totally opposed to it then you have to accept that may never change, no matter how you feel about it.

Another way to explore this would be when you are intimate, you can try gently touching around that area to see how she feels. If she squirms away, you’ve been given a clear message. However, it may just be that she isn’t feeling especially into it on that particular day so again, it’s worth asking about later on.

If, however, she gives physical or auditory cues that indicate that she is enjoying herself then you can gently try working the tip of your finger in. You need to be prepared to take the tiniest of baby steps when it comes to this and continue to be open to chatting about her feelings/concerns/likes/dislikes afterwards.

And, in addition to patience and sensitivity, I cannot stress enough the importance of lube in all anal play.

I also spoke with sex educator Cory Silverberg about your question and he added this:

There’s a school of thought that says that if one person is interested in anal play, that person should be open to exploring being on both the giving and receiving end. Expressing that you’re open to this can dramatically change how a conversation like this goes. Of course it has to be a genuine offer, so you’ll need to think about this for yourself first.

In other words, if you’re interested in her being open to you exploring that part of her, you should also be open to the possibility that she may want to explore that part of you as well.

And for more tips and techniques, I would highly recommend Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women.

Other Cynthia Loyst Blogs
Female Friendly Porn
Craving a Massage with a ‘Happy Ending’
Husband Wants Sex Everyday

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is a TV host, advice columnist & relationship coach who likes to ask uncomfortable questions. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk. Follow Cynthia on Twitter.

The study, based on one autopsy of one 83-year-old woman’s cadaver (that’s right, one deceased woman), was published in the latest issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine by gynecologist Dr. Adam Ostrzenski and is the first documented scientific account of the anatomic existence of the G-spot.

According to Dr. Ostrzenski, the structure is a distinct, well-defined, blue grape-like structure within a sac located on the back of the vagina. Specific dimensions of this particular woman’s G-spot were provided, alongside pictures of the structure as it was dissected.

Although we can gain some scientific benefit from this dissection, it is premature to draw conclusions and generalize to women as a whole. When I heard about this study, I got in contact with a colleague of mine, Dr. Jonathan Huber, an Ottawa-based obstetrician/gynecologist and Associate Professor at the Northern Ontario School of Medicine, to get his insight into this study. He also had some concerns about the implications of the study, stating:

We know nothing about the sexual functioning of that cadaver as a living person, so its presumptuous to make the connection between the described anatomical feature and how it might have functioned or felt to her in the context of her life. More importantly, though, the search for the anatomical basis of the G-spot de-emphasizes potentially more important factors that contribute to sexual pleasure.

If we use the clitoris as an example of another anatomical structure of which the location, nervous anatomy, and function is well-described, Dr. Huber says,

Simply knowing about or having a clitoris isn’t necessarily the panacea of sexual pleasure for all women. There are a number of important sociocultural influences that can lead to sexual dysfunction, even in women with perfectly functioning clitorises. Similarly, simply knowing the location and anatomy of the G-spot won’t necessarily lead to sexual pleasure or better sex for all women, and it’s important to keep that in mind when evaluating the importance of this research.

Its premature to draw any conclusions about all women from a dissection of a single cadaver. However, Dr. Ostrzenski claims he is currently currently conducting studies to identify the G-spot in women of different ages and believes the G-spot can weaken or rupture, most commonly through trauma experienced during labor.

If we create hype around the existence of the G-spot as the central pleasure point, we will see an unwarranted increase in potentially dangerous (and expensive) procedures for “G-spot amplification” such as the “G-shot” that temporarily augments the G-spot. The problem with treatments like this is that there is no scientific evidence to indicate that having this procedure done actually has any positive impact on pleasure or satisfaction, not to mention the lack of any research on risks or complications.

What is even more troubling to me is that Dr. Ostrzenski is a cosmetic gynecologist, and leading the public to believe that female sexual function will be improved by this discovery has the potential for major profit for his practice. Claims are already being made based on this research that you can “regain your self-confidence with genitalia rejuvenation”, despite these procedures having tragic consequences for many women.

Instead, more emphasis should be placed on the diversity found in women’s sexual pleasure and directed away from one anatomical structure being responsible for pleasure. There are a lot of interpersonal components that go into a pleasurable sexual experience. If focus is placed on finding some grape-like structure that was found in one cadaver, my concern is that pleasure might be replaced with disappointment for a lot of women.

Other Articles by Kristen Mark
Sexually Adventurous More Sexually Satisfied
Sexual Desire Discrepancy Uncovered

This post first appeared on the KinseyConfidential.com website on April 25, 2012.

Kristen Mark, MSc, is a doctoral candidate in Health Behavior at Indiana University. She is the Statistical Consultant and a Project Coordinator for the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, the Survey Director for Good in Bed, a writer for Kinsey Confidential and has written for websites and magazines. Find out more about Kristen on her website KristenMark.com, read her blogs on SexpertReMark.com, follow her on Twitter, and Pintrest.

It’s dubbed as the time when everyone seems to take stock of what is around them from dust bunnies that need a spring clean to partners that are dragging you down and also need to be spring cleaned. Or purged. Whatever works for you.

But relationship researchers haven’t really examined the environmental factors that can lead to a spring break-up or the environmental factors that encourage the break-up in the first place. David McCandless and Lee Bryon analyzed 10,000 Facebook status updates that included “We broke up because…” looking for insight into disclosure about romance that had gone sideways. What did they find?

Monday: a common day to get dumped. My suggestion: Don’t talk to your partner on Mondays if you want to avoid this one.

Right before Spring Break (which could be mid-Feb or mid- to late March depending on what you do for a living and where you live) also not good for your relationship. Especially not good if your spring break falls just after V-day!

Some unidentified time before the summer holidays.

Two weeks before Christmas–because on the 25th would just be “too cruel”.

Now back to this Valentine’s day business; it turns out that V-day is a hard one for (many) relationships. In this study, 99 men and 146 women came into the lab twice during one of these 4 months: September, November, February, or April. While in the lab, they filled out various relationship measures.

Survey says? The February group (who came in just before and just after V-day) were 2.5 more likely to report that their relationship had ended between their testing sessions.

Why? Well the anticipation and aftermath of V-day (disappointed with what partner did for you or maybe more like what they did not do for you) leads to diminished expectations about the relationship in general as well as about your partner, increased attractiveness to alternative partners, and generally feeling that the relationship quality is decreasing.

Who is most at risk? Those who are rocky going into V-day, a-la-Titanic.

So if you made it beyond V-day and your relationship is still in tact and Spring Break has come and gone you’re basically safe.

Until people want to be foot loose and fancy free in the summer. Which is basically just around the corner.

But should you be needing to find an exit strategy to remove yourself from your relationship at hand, might I suggest one of these strategies (rated by 52 male and 83 female undergraduate students as the most compassionate strategies to use when breaking up with someone else in this study).

To start, here are the 5 most compassionate ways to break up with someone:
1. Emphasize to your partner the good things gained from the relationship in the past.
2. Try to avoid leaving things on a sour note with your partner.
3. Try to prevent your partner from having any “hard feelings” about the break-up.
4. Avoid blaming your partner at all costs, even if your partner was to blame.
5. Avoid hurting your partner’s feelings at all costs.

And if you are looking to be a real dick-face, any of these 5 least compassionate strategies will do in a pinch:
1. Ask a third party to break the break up news to your partner.
2. Threaten your partner if s/he doesn’t accept the break-up.
3. Become unpleasant to your partner in the hopes that s/he would make the first move.
4. Verbally blame your partner for causing the break-up, even if you thought s/he weren’t totally to blame.
5. Text message your partner to tell him/her how you feel.

You’ll notice that signing into msn but appearing off line and sending someone a break-up note while they are also off line and then quickly signing out before they sign in and respond didn’t make the top 5. Guess that wasn’t such a bad break-up strategy after all.

Other Jocelyn Blogs
Noisy Sex May Mean She’s Not Enjoying Herself
Would You Date a Bisexual
Women (and Men) Stop Faking Orgasm!

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at SexResearchandTheCity.com and follow her on Twitter.

Gustav Klimt, who was famous for shocking Edwardian Europe with his sexually explicit artwork (most notably his 1902 “Beethoven Frieze”), is at the centre of the new exhibition. The museum felt that sexually explicit artwork, such as Klimt’s, was important and historic, but no longer shocking enough to the public. To combat this, the workers have combined artistic sexual expression with physical sexual expression. The result? Shock and amazement.

So what are the swingers actually doing in the museum? Well having sex of course. Orgies among the artwork begin in the evening and continue throughout the night. Visitors to the museum are therefore given the opportunity to overcome their inhibitions while ‘taking in’ as much of the artwork as possible.

My view? I think it’s fabulous that museums–often thought of as pretentious in nature–are not only embracing a radical and very liberated view of sexuality, but exposing this view for all to see.

My swingers club experiences were not only shocking and liberating, but educational as well. The club that I first attended had multiple rooms with multiple themes (Arabian, Pillow Talk, Club Scene, Jungle etc) and each room had its own vibe. Some were very inviting, others had more of an exhibitionist feel. The rules of “No Means No” and “Ask Before You Touch” were strictly followed. And whether you were just there to observe or you were in to participate, everyone was overtly nice and welcoming. All and all, I think that more people could benefit from this type of experience. Now I’m not saying I joined in on all the ‘love’, but my opinion of the scene was positively altered but my openness to accept other peoples sexual expression.

My only critique is that all swingers could get tagged with an ‘orgy’ label. Many individuals who identify as swingers have more conservative practices that involve dating and couples only get-togethers. Be that as it may, I commend the museum for paving the way for a more liberated view of human sexuality. My motto: If it’s consensual and safe, all the power to you!

Other Dr. Teesha Articles
Why Some Women Can’t Orgasm
How Much Sex is Normal?
Who is More Sexually Satisfied: Single or Married Women?

Dr. Teesha Morgan‘s approach to helping both couples and individuals achieve sexual fulfillment and relationship satisfaction, has taken many forms and produced incredible results. She has devoted her time to her Sex Therapy and Couples Counselling Practice, nation wide public speaking events, sexual education workshops, and televised campaigns aimed at increasing intimacy. Dr. Teesha is also a well known magazine columnist, featured writer in numerous newspapers, and has made appearances on many television and radio shows across Canada. For more information on Dr. Teesha you can visit her Sex Therapy website at TeeshaMorgan.com

“More. Uh huh. More.”

“Right there, baby.”

Do these sound familiar? They aren’t just lovemaking sounds. They are what fancy sex researchers like to call Copulatory Vocalizations.

And according a recent study, women use these sounds very strategically during various love making activities.

But let’s discuss some background first…

Humans ain’t the only ones to make these love noises. Many primates make these sounds but here’s the catch. It’s usually just the female primate who makes these sounds.

And why does she make these sounds? Well for a number of reasons that stem from the main purpose of communicating to others nearby that sexual activity is taking place. Apparently most animals don’t have a designated smoosh room.

Some other reasons: strengthen the bond between the pair, incite male-male competition (maybe you have a male roommate who you like to be noisy for?), increase chances of the female mating with another dominant male, and/or simply to mate with additional males.

But back to those noisy human females.

In this particular study, 71 women recruited from the community (aged 18-48, average age 21yrs) were surveyed about their various orgasm tendencies….such as:

- Which methods lead to orgasm (masturbation alone or by partner, oral sex, manual stimulation during intercourse, manual stimulation from partner, penetration itself)

- when orgasm achieved (during foreplay, intercourse before partner orgasms/same time/after partner orgasms, during afterplay)

- sounds made – silence, moan/groan, scream/shriek/squeal, words (partner’s name, “yes”), instructional commands (“more”)

- when sounds made (when they knew they were not going to orgasm, to speed things up, to encourage partner’s climax, to terminate intercourse)

And what do these women say? Well, orgasm is most likely to occur during self-manipulation, manipulation by partner, oral sex by male partner, and least often by vaginal penetration.

This can’t really be new information any more, can it?

But, sounds peak right before male ejaculation even though that is the least likely time (during vaginal penetration) that orgasm is likely to happen for women.

She says: “Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby.”

She means: Damnit. Guess I’m not orgasming again tonight.

Well 66% (remember the sample was only 71 women) reported making sounds to speed up their partner’s ejaculation due to discomfort/pain, boredom and fatigue. I think copulatory vocalizations are positively correlated with jack hammering.

80% of women make noises when they know they aren’t going to orgasm. Sad face.

87% use these sounds to boost their partner’s self-esteem and 92% believe that they do.

So moral of the story: Use instructional copulatory vocalizations (think more, harder, to the left, don’t stop) to tell a partner what he/she/they can do to tell you achieve the big O.

Or help yourself. Just a thought.

Other Jocelyn Wentland Articles
Would You Date a Bisexual?
Casual Sex is Now the Norm
Women (and men) STOP Faking Orgasm

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at SexResearchandTheCity.com and follow her on Twitter.

I sometimes think the downside of living in a world where we talk a lot about sex is that people inevitably look to statistical or anecdotal information to see how they ‘measure up’. In a world where ‘more’ supposedly means ‘better’, our sex lives can start to feel like a contest.

Let me clear something up first–there really is no such things as ‘normal’ when it comes to the amount a couple has sex. A couple’s sexual relationship is as unique and varied as they are and is likely to change throughout their life cycle for a variety of reasons (pregnancy, child rearing, stress, aging, etc).

For some couples, once a month is fine, others prefer several times per week, others still a few times a year. The problem potentially comes when one partner wants sex much more (or much less) than the other partner and doesn’t feel like they can discuss it.

On that note, the first thing I thought when I read your message is: do you like to have sex every day too? If not, and if your husband’s desire to have daily sex feels like an expectation or imposition, then I would suggest you have a conversation with him.

Keep in mind that sometimes people feel like they need to reserve sexual energy for their partner, not realizing that their partner might be just as happy if they used masturbation as well.

I also think sometimes people haven’t learned about the many ways we can be intimate with our partners that go beyond sex–and in this case it might be worth seeking out a marital counselor to discuss.

Other Cynthia Loyst Blogs
Craving a Massage with a ‘Happy’ Ending
Man Can’t Orgasm During Intercourse
Your Guide to Kissing Properly

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is a TV host, advice columnist & relationship coach who likes to ask uncomfortable questions. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk. Follow Cynthia on Twitter.

Welcome to the new bromance: for her. In our latter twentysomethings it’s typical for most of us to have a solid group of go-to friends. Either that or we lost ‘em all when we got hot and heavy with our man, so it is in this age bracket that we often venture out and meet new friends.

Fresh faces. Women who are more likeminded. Who don’t go as far back and who see us in a different like. The story goes similar to the script of I Love You, Man, a movie in which Paul Rudd and Jason Segel star. This film is a favourite of mine. It epitomizes the stages of getting to know someone new with similarities to how one begins dating.

Lately I’ve been asked out by a handful of women. Great, fun, beautiful women with similar interests, who frequent the same haunts as I, who run in the same sorts of circles. In the past month I’ve been on more bromance-for-her dates than I care to admit.

Picture: cheese plate after glass of kir royale after splitting a dessert (and another kir royale) later. Some lady dates have gone so well friendshiply that we don’t even end the date without making plans for the next one. Some end so poorly that you hope they found the connection just as off-putting so you don’t have to come up with an excuse not to see her again. These little get togethers are exciting and somewhat similar to blind dates. You hope they know you’re just looking for friendship and not love. You hope it can be a smooth encounter as opposed to one induced by silences and reaching for your glass.

After a bromance-for-her date you might start texting or Facebooking or using a form of communication as your choice, with the hope that your messages will go returned, that they feel the same way.

These dates are refreshing. At a time when we are so settled with work and a daily routine, it’s nice to bring something new into the mix. Someone new. If things don’t work out, at least you connected with someone new; at least you expanded your network. If things do work out then you profit a great friend. Be open to expanding your circle and you might be grateful for what you find and what they add to your lovely little life, lady!

Other Jen Kirsch Blogs
Women Stop Misreading Your Dates
Dealing With Relationship Anger
Toss the Tee and Throw on a Pair of Heels

Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and blogger. She writes for ELLE, Canadian Living, Slice TV, Women’s Post, AOL Lifestyle, Notable.ca, ELLE Canada, Sympatico.com, The College Crush, Rebecca Eckler’s How To Raise A Boyfriend, PostCity Magazines and many more publications. Often seeked out for her to-the-point advice, Jen offers coaching sessions to singles and couples who want some direction in the dating world. Read her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Photo Source here.

New Year’s resolutions are great. They can be a catalyst for a lot of positive change–and they can also fizzle out within a month. I get the feeling that maybe you’d like to experiment with a few new tricks while adding some new sexual behaviors to your long term repertoire to keep things fresh.

You can do this by doing two things:
1) Figure out where to push the boundaries and where to leave them
2) Do something, ANYTHING different.

First off, don’t make the mistake of going over board too quickly. For instance, if the both of you know you want to keep things monogamous, I wouldn’t suggest you bringing a third party into bed. Or, if he knows you hate to watch yourself on video, he shouldn’t go videotaping your sex romps without you knowing.

However, people tend to find a lot more negotiable in their sex lives than they realized when they start to talk about it with their partners honestly. So, you might begin by planning a special night together with him and bring up the issue over a sexy dinner. I understand that you may need to initiate this first foray into the sexually explorative discussion but sex (usually, unless your masturbating by yourself) is a two way street. Part of what he needs to buy into during this discussion is his own responsibility in this relationship to turn up the heat as well. The issue is not your issue alone.

What you’ll both need to find out is what turn’s you on at the core. What do you respond to sexually without even thinking? And don’t rule out acts that you would consider socially unacceptable–rape fantasies rank among the most common fantasies for women–obviously you’d play this one out within reason. If you can’t think of anything off hand, rent/buy some erotic videos with varying themes and see what your body (and your mind) responds to. This can be a great way for the both of you to get conscious about what gets you off and it can also be a fun way to lead to a little sex play in front of the tellie.

Once you get a few ideas together, talk out the top one or two behaviors that you both seem most interested in. Granted, you both may find you have different erotic interests. But if you both discuss your favorites you can both figure out how far you’re willing to go to fill one another’s fantasy. An example might be that he’d love to try anal sex with you but you’re not into the idea of jumping right in to full penal/anal penetration. Why not then, buy a good lube a couple of non-intimidating anal toys to play with? Decide that you’ll initially only play on the outside of the anus and then maybe (if you’re comfortable) graduate up to finger insertion.

Maybe he’s a control freak but you’ve always wanted to tie him up and experiment with a little S&M. Negotiate what his limits are. There are many accoutrements now that allow for ‘light’ S&M play; satiny sashes that don’t tie too tightly and soft, playful whips. Just be sure you both decide on a ‘safe word’ that let’s you each know when you’re seriously done playing–many people like to say “no” or “don’t” as apart of the sex play. A safe word should be a word not normally used during sex…perhaps something as random as “kumquat” or “constellation”.

As mentioned the whole point is to do anything different. So, whether it’s even having sex in different rooms of your house or deciding to have regular sex dates–it doesn’t have to be a profound change–just a change. Some changes may stick and others may not but the point is you’re both making an effort to preserve the health of your sexual relationship. The fun part may just be in trying something new, even if it doesn’t work out. In fact, every New Year you may want to sit down with your partner and have your ritual dinner to come up with a kinky thing or two to do to keep each year as fresh as your first year together.

Related Articles
Sharing Fantasies With Your Partner
Top Five Ways Women Can Desire Sex
Asking For What You Want in Bed

Related Videos
How to Get Out of a Sex Rut
Easiest Sex Positions for an Experienced Couple
Is It Really Mismatched Libidos

Related Podcasts
Exploring Sexual Fantasies
Five Best Ways to Romance Your Valentine

Dr. Kat is a Clinical Sexologist Marriage and Family Therapist who has been practicing in the field of counseling since 1994. In addition to her training in Marriage, Family and Addictions, she has extensive sexuality training. Find out more at: Dr.Kat.com