There was no shortage of rants and raves along with media-fed misinformation about the curriculum — so understandably, the general public was left confused about the proposed changes.

For those of you curious about what some of the changes were to be – here is a general overview. Keep in mind that ALL of these are suggestions for educators. In other words, the sample discussions are meant to be guidelines.

GRADE 1 – proper names for body parts and introduction to hygiene

GRADE 2 – stages of development (i.e. overview of life cycle and body changes — as in when you get older you get taller, get wrinkles, etc)

GRADE 3 – physical and emotional development. Different types of relationships, accepting differences, being inclusive, communicating openly, showing respect (with regards to all kinds of differences including orientation and identity), different types of family structures

GRADE 4 – introduction to puberty (i.e. physical, emotional and social changes).

GRADE 5 – reproductive system (i.e. menstruation, spermatogenesis).

GRADE 6 – development of self-concept, laying the foundation for healthy relationships. More discussion around physiological changes that happen during puberty (i.e. erections and vaginal lubrication)

GRADE 7 – Continuation of self-concept (introduce ideas around gender identity, sexual orientation). Discussion of abstinence as the only true safe sex – and how STI’s can be contracted through oral, anal, and vaginal sex.

GRADE 8 – Decisions about sexual activity (i.e. the benefits, risks, and drawbacks that relationships involving different degrees of sexual intimacy can pose); Gender identity (i.e. male, female, transgendered, transsexual, intersex) and sexual orientation (e.g., heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual), and identify factors that can help individuals of all identities and orientations develop a positive self-concept)

Other Posts by Cynthia Loyst
Make Sex Positions More Interesting
Female Friendly Porn
Cynthia’s Top Six Sex Toy Picks
The Do’s and Don’ts of Online Dating
Would You Have Sex With Someone Famous?

Related Podcasts
Sex Billboard Near Elementary School
How to Respond if Your Kids Says They’re Gay
Talking to Your Teenager About Sex

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is a TV host, advice columnist & relationship coach who likes to ask uncomfortable questions. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk. Follow Cynthia on Twitter.

And you know what? Casual sex relationships can be complicated as f@#@k. I know that. I probably know that more than your average bear. But here I am…on the defense for casual sex.

But what I have been quite surprised about this week is the bad rap that casual sex apparently has. Since when are we all down on casual sex?

And here is one issue that I have with this negative attitude people have towards casual sex.

The average age of intercourse is 17 in Canada. The average age at marriage is 28 for females and 30 for men (in Canada). So there around 10 years of ‘single’ time for most young adults.

Now, you might be partnered during that time. And hopefully you can get a partner and keep them for the duration of your pre-married years. Or hopefully you are a serial monogamist and can jump from one relationship to another with absolutely no lag time (i.e., dry spells) between relationships. And btw, preventing dry spells is more successful if you are a mate poacher or have been mate poached.

But…what happens when you do have an unfortunate dry spell? Or what if you don’t want to be partnered? What if you don’t want a relationship? What if your schedule doesn’t lend itself well to couples’ events and navigating your partnered relationship on Facebook and 8 seasons of The Office?

Should you accept a life of celibacy other than your own self-pleasuring?

Hell no.

Why don’t you get yourself some casual sex? And I don’t mean the totally incapacitated, erectile dysfunction, passing out before sex, barfing in bed, walk of shame type of One Night Stand sex.

What about some regular casual sex? Might I suggest a Booty Call or a F@#@k Buddy or a Friend with some Benefits?

Sure, you’re going to have to negotiate the rules of engagement. Sure, it might be a bit complicated.

But so are relationships. And lots of relationships don’t work. But you don’t hear people calling down relationships all day long. (In fact, I’d argue a lot of people spend a lot of time either trying to get into one or trying to make sure they stay in their current one.)

I think (casual) sex for two is worth some negotiation, no?

Click here for a copy of the article for your (casual sexual) reading pleasure – Taking casual sex not too casually

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at Sex Research and The City.com

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Click here to read the Yummy Mummy Club survey results.

“I just came from my OBGYN…I need to get my uterus removed. How is it going to affect my sexuality?” Good question and something she should be concerned about.

A few days later my friend told me the entire story. She contracted HPV and ended up with high grade cervical cancer cells which, eventually, let to a hysterectomy.

The kicker? In her own words, “I did everything right. I waited until I was 21 to have sex and then always made sure to have protected sex. It wasn’t until I was married at 33 that I got HPV from my husband…he didn’t know he had it.”

Mom Peer Pressure
Before this, she felt peer pressure from her mommy group not to give her daughter the HPV shot. There was an undercurrent, a silent social more that by getting the shot it would promote her daughter to go out and have sex.

She believes she was completely misinformed and now she wants both her daughter and son to have the shot.

She says, “Parents need to be better educated about what the HPV shot means to for our kids’ health now and in the future.”

In honor of my friend and her experience
There’s been a lot of negative press about the HPV shot. So I thought I would give you the facts and let you make an educated decision as to whether it is something you want to do for your children.

Cervical Cancer Facts
Statistics Canada estimates that every year 1,502 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer, and 581 will die from it, while another 220 will die from cancer of the vulva or vagina.

What is HPV?
Here’s some HPV facts from the website HPV Awareness.
- HPV stands for Human papillomavirus
- It is a common virus with over 100 different types; more than 40 of which are sexually transmitted.
- It causes 99.4% of cervical cancer cases and 100% of genital warts cases.
- 80% of sexually active people will contract genital HPV in their lifetime and there are usually no signs or symptoms.
- It is a virus contracted through skin-to-skin contact, is very infectious, and is spread via sexual activity.
- Condoms reduce the spread of HPV but because they do not fully cover all the skin around the genitals, they do not fully protect you.
- It only takes one infected sexual partner in an entire lifetime to contract this virus.

What is the HPV shot?
There are two vaccines available on the market,
(1) Gardasil—targeted at preventing the two most common types of HPV associated with genital and anal cancers and those associated with genital and anal warts
(2) Cervarix—targeted at preventing the two main HPVs that cause cervical cancer

Get a Pap!!!
From the age of 21, with or without an HPV test, a woman should get a Pap test. It is the only way to see abnormalities that can lead to cervical cancer later in life.

Two great websites: HPV Awareness and WACC (Women Against Cervical Cancer)

Equally as frustrated he replied, “What’s wrong with using a condom?”

“I’m ovulating today and I don’t want to take any chances. The condom could break.”

It all started a few minutes earlier when my husband nuzzled my neck and I got a warm tingly sensation. I’d been thinking about sex all that long, long day and as Murphy’s Law would have it, it was one of those oh-so-rare ‘spontaneous sex moments’ where both of us were in the sex zone.

I was willing, ready and waiting to pounce. Images of clothes being flung off, wild sex occurring filled my head—it had been so long since both of us had been in the zone I was practically drooling.

But alas as you’ve already read I was ovulating—the reason I was so juiced up on sex hormones—any sex drive is completely lost thinking about accidentally having another child. Plus I don’t want to subject my body to any more birth control.

The answer to our spontaneous sex woes is simple. A vasectomy. Such a minor thing to have in order for us to have a happy and healthy sex life. Or at least for me it is such a simple and minor thing.

It’s been a year that my husband has dodged the ‘you need to get a vasectomy’ bullet. He’s given some valid and some pretty lame excuses as to why he can’t have one. I’ve patiently listened to them all, trying to be empathetic.

Men get all weirded out when it comes to messing with the ‘boys’. That’s why I’ve been patiently persistent in using condoms. Hoping that too many moments of, “Oh we’re in the shower and you want sex. Okay. BUT you need to get a condom. Off you go.” would wear him down.

Nope. Apparently he’s happy to use condoms for the next fifty years of our marriage. I’m growing tired of them and, like the spontaneous horny day, it’s getting in the way of my sexual happiness.

So I’m booking the appointment. But that leads me to my point. Why is birth control up to me and why do I have to be the ‘nagging wife’ to get this done. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Inevitably the conversation went to the girl’s sexuality—this after I got on my soap box and proclaimed a big reason why women have sexual hang-ups is because of us putting girls/ young ladies/ women’s sexuality under scrutiny as to whether their conduct was either “whore or Madonna’.

After the hallelujah chorus died down of anger that we never see men’s sexuality being scrutinized, we went right back to scrutinizing women’s sexuality.

Case in point one mom said she saw a news report showing a teenage girl who claimed to have more than 30 sexual partners. The mom, who by all accounts was sincerely trying to be open-minded, looked at me earnestly and asked, “Isn’t that a bit excessive for a teenager? I mean 30 sexual partners!”

And then somehow the conversation went to getting a Brazilian (A Brazilian is when you have all of your pubic hair removed. See Dr. Brian’s blog post about, “Why do we have pubic hair”.)

The mom of a 20 year-old explained that her daughter announced oh so casually one day that she had been getting Brazilians for the last two years.

A mom with two young daughters confessed she might like to try a Brazilian but how would she explain her lack of pubic hair to her daughters, and what kind of message would that send to them.

And then the best quote of the night (for me anyways) came out of the mom with the 20 year-old, “After your kids turn 13, they don’t listen to you anymore. They listen to what their friends are saying. I never got a Brazilian and I never talked about that sort of thing with her. And she’s doing things that I would never dream of doing. I’ve had no influence on her whatsoever.”

She went on, “I want to know what she’s up to but I really don’t want to know. Sometimes I just want to cover my ears and say, ‘lalalalalalala’ so I don’t know what’s going on when she goes out.”

Of course that put the fear of god into every woman there. And with a regretful, silent sigh I thought, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

Parents want to believe that it’s the outside forces that over stimulate and over sexualize our children—media, Lady Gaga, internet, friends—it’s what the media perpetuate and it’s easiest to believe.

So for the record, research shows that in fact parents have a significant impact on their kid’s sexuality. This is NOT meant as a guilt trip, rather a cry out from me for you to talk to your kids about sexuality.

Sex ed starts at age 0 and goes until the kids are out the door. When we are able to talk about sex openly, honestly with respect to the child’s burgeoning sexuality, they will go out into this world armed with the all important “sexual self confidence”.

Brazilian or no, we really have to stop scrutinizing and start accepting that women should and need to be openly sexual. It’s the one of the few ways we can start to enjoy sex to the max.

Innocent enough question. But I was up at 3:00 a.m. with a teething baby, could not fall back to sleep until 5:00’ish when my baby, once again, woke up. I was exhausted and coming up with an answer was too much effort.

I looked at him bleary eyed with a confused haven’t-had-my-first-cup-of-coffee brain and earnestly replied, “I don’t know.”

Then—SHAZAM—the complete frustration of always feeling totally responsible for everything child related took over. And for one millisecond my mega-bitch came out and sarcastically replied every so softly, “Perhaps—just once—you could make that kind of decision yourself.”

Of course he got mad. Said a few things I won’t repeat. He heated up the muffins and, literally, threw them on the table for my toddler to eat. Stomped out of the kitchen and got ready for work.

I knew if nothing was done this would fester into an argument later that evening, so I made a peace offering by giving him a hug as he left for work. It was a cold hug but still it took both our guards down and made us more civil. It wasn’t great but it was the best we could manage.

The ‘frozen muffin incident’ lasted all of thirty seconds. Yet it’s one of those minor things that can have a major impact on a relationship…and sex.

Frozen muffin moments can completely annihilate the ability to be intimate and connected. Because I can say with all sincerity in that moment I sure as heck didn’t want to have sex with him. And if it wasn’t for the hug the anger could have lingered for days, affecting the well being of our relationship.

However, it did get me thinking about how the universe can turn on a dime.

If instead my husband would have seen how tired I was and given me a mini-back rub. Or taken the kids. Or said, “Go back to bed and sleep for another half and hour.” I would have certainly been more open for sex.

And I, understanding that he’s not a mind reader and needing him to understand that I was on-the-edge of a meltdown should have said as much.

And so, it seems, the quality of our sex lives hangs in the balance of these ordinary life moments that have little to nothing to do with sex.

So when couples ask me, “How can we start having sex after kids?”, I implore them to look at their frozen muffin moments. Too many added up over time will mean a frozen muffin sexual incompatibility. And just as easily, they can be reconciled and turned around in a matter of seconds.

Remember: In the ‘frozen muffin moment’ it’s really up to you and your partner which way you want your relationship to go. Choose supporting and taking care of each other.

Once again, it had nothing to do with male sexuality—can’t figure out for the life of me why it’s always gal’s sexuality that’s under scrutiny. Maybe because people keep that old tired, “men can have lots of sex and women can’t…because she’ll get pregnant and get labeled a ‘whore’” dogma subconsciously in their heads.

This time, thank goodness, no mention of how immoral and over sexualized our young women have become—perhaps that headline has been beaten to a pulp and can’t dragged out anymore. Click here to read the press release.

I won’t bore you with my usual tirade of how scientifically inaccurate these sex surveys are and how much damage they do over the long term to a woman’s sexuality. But I digress—oops, almost got on that soap box of mine.

This survey zeroed in on women 18 to 24 and showed that they’re having sex. Does this shock and surprise you? Me neither. The ‘spin’ in the press release is that they’re taking the birth control pill and only talking to their friends—rather than her doctor.

The press release states, “…which found that more than 50 per cent of Canadian women between the ages of 18 and 24 are regularly sexually active, almost all women know about birth control options, but only four per cent speak to their mothers the most about contraception.”

The press release tried to rally a shard of interest by saying Vancouver gals were having more sex than Toronto. Yawn! And by dragging the moms in and sharing how they can talk to their daughters about sex and birth control.

Honey, if you haven’t had a talk to your daughter by the time she is 18 (even 13) about sex, then you’ve missed the ‘sex talk’ bus. That talk should have started, oh, about 18 years ago.

Sooooo, please explain to me again what’s newsworthy about this?

I did a few interviews when the press release came out. One radio show asked me, “So do you think these sexually active women take into account stay-at-home moms?”

There was a VERY long pause as I was so stunned by the question. Did this announcer not read the press release that said it was women 18 to 24? Not too many young ladies I know are settling down and having babies.

Calmly as I could muster, I replied neutrally, “I believe if women want to have sex one, four, ten times a week then having kids would, probably, not be their best way to do it.”

The announcer, who must have been a mom, gave me a conspiratorial laugh and said, “I completely agree.”

Let’s wait another six months until the next survey on “young women and their sexuality” is once again gracing the cover of McLean’s magazine.

Dr. Trina’s Answer
Very normal. Quite frankly, why would you feel like having sex? All the changes to your body’s hormones, the sheer exhaustion, and feeling overwhelmed are in no way an aphrodisiac.

That said, the first two years after baby couples often create poor sex habits which will make for an unhappy sex life many years after. Instigating a lot of unnecessary fights.

It’s important to make efforts to have sex or at the very least a space for connected intimacy on a regular basis.

Three easy things to remember:
Sex doesn’t have to mean intercourse
There are a ton of fun things you can do—a bath or massage—if intercourse is presently a turn off.

Intimacy outside the bedroom
Make sure to be affectionate every day as it keeps you feeling connected.

Make sure your partner knows what you want
He isn’t a mind reader and will be happy to accommodate your needs. If you need pampering to get you in the mood, explain in detail what you want. The more he knows, the easier it will be for him to follow through with your wishes.

Great Sex Tip
When you make an effort to keep sex on the radar, it does get easier and better over time.