As such he decided the best compromise was to buy a perfectly proportioned blow up doll. Problem was it was going to cost him $10,000 USD plus. He had been saving from his two waitering jobs and had almost come up with the entire amount. He was eagerly anticipating when he would finally be able to have his perfect woman.

What I found interesting was my colleague’s reaction. She is in the business of selling sex paraphernalia and yet she was mildly disgusted with this man’s intentions. From her reaction, I assumed he was some overt pervert let loose in Vancouver.

As fate would have it, the next morning this man was my waiter. To my surprise he was extremely courteous and polite; in fact, he was the epitome of professionalism. As I covertly watched him under lowered lashes I could tell he treated his fellow female staff with the same level of respect.

Fetishes are definitely something people don’t understand and therefore label as deviant. Because these people don’t tow the what-is-socially-acceptable-for-sexual-behavior-line (i.e. heterosexual monogamous sex) they are automatically labeled as freaks. It is my experience that, generally, these people are just the opposite.

Some people have certain proclivities that make them sexually aroused—like BDSM, feet, or latex, or blow up dolls. So what? As long as they are safe, sane and consensual with what they are doing, then there should be no reason to judge that person. But yet we still do—even people in the sex industry who deal with this all the time are judging.

You (yes you) mingle with fetish people on a daily basis. It’s only when you find out what they are up to behind closed doors that things get weird for you (yes you).

I appreciate complete sexual tolerance will never be something I will see in my lifetime. Ironic as people feel they are liberal enough when it comes to sex.

Read other related blog posts
Would you date a bisexual?
Are open relationships more popular?
Casual Sex is now the norm
Trip to dentist a sexy fetish
Female friendly porn

Dr. Trina Read is a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator. Sign up for your free monthly newsletter filled with expert videos, articles, blogs and podcasts at Best Sex Tips Ever.com. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook

Dr. Trina’s Answer
Take heart that you’re not alone. Research suggests that 37 percent of people who take antidepressants experience everything from decreased libido to increased time reaching orgasm.

Here’s a few suggestions that may help.
Talk with your doctor
There are a range of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and some are less problematic. You may be able to switch to a similar medication with fewer side effects. Also try: lowering the dose; scheduling the time you take the drug around sex; or adding another drug to counteract side effects.

Change your perspective
Think about how sex was before this drug. You probably didn’t feel at all sexy or sexual. Now after addressing your health concerns you’re interested in sex. Hoorah! So in a round about way, your libido has actually increased.

Have a heart-to-heart
Chances are your partner is happy you’re feeling well and is empathetic about possible side effects. Talking about how you’re going to work together to cope with any changes.

Great Sex Tip
Sometimes the sexual effects will be welcomed. Men who are premature ejaculators might now experience delayed ejaculation.

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“I just came from my OBGYN…I need to get my uterus removed. How is it going to affect my sexuality?” Good question and something she should be concerned about.

A few days later my friend told me the entire story. She contracted HPV and ended up with high grade cervical cancer cells which, eventually, let to a hysterectomy.

The kicker? In her own words, “I did everything right. I waited until I was 21 to have sex and then always made sure to have protected sex. It wasn’t until I was married at 33 that I got HPV from my husband…he didn’t know he had it.”

Mom Peer Pressure
Before this, she felt peer pressure from her mommy group not to give her daughter the HPV shot. There was an undercurrent, a silent social more that by getting the shot it would promote her daughter to go out and have sex.

She believes she was completely misinformed and now she wants both her daughter and son to have the shot.

She says, “Parents need to be better educated about what the HPV shot means to for our kids’ health now and in the future.”

In honor of my friend and her experience
There’s been a lot of negative press about the HPV shot. So I thought I would give you the facts and let you make an educated decision as to whether it is something you want to do for your children.

Cervical Cancer Facts
Statistics Canada estimates that every year 1,502 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer, and 581 will die from it, while another 220 will die from cancer of the vulva or vagina.

What is HPV?
Here’s some HPV facts from the website HPV Awareness.
- HPV stands for Human papillomavirus
- It is a common virus with over 100 different types; more than 40 of which are sexually transmitted.
- It causes 99.4% of cervical cancer cases and 100% of genital warts cases.
- 80% of sexually active people will contract genital HPV in their lifetime and there are usually no signs or symptoms.
- It is a virus contracted through skin-to-skin contact, is very infectious, and is spread via sexual activity.
- Condoms reduce the spread of HPV but because they do not fully cover all the skin around the genitals, they do not fully protect you.
- It only takes one infected sexual partner in an entire lifetime to contract this virus.

What is the HPV shot?
There are two vaccines available on the market,
(1) Gardasil—targeted at preventing the two most common types of HPV associated with genital and anal cancers and those associated with genital and anal warts
(2) Cervarix—targeted at preventing the two main HPVs that cause cervical cancer

Get a Pap!!!
From the age of 21, with or without an HPV test, a woman should get a Pap test. It is the only way to see abnormalities that can lead to cervical cancer later in life.

Two great websites: HPV Awareness and WACC (Women Against Cervical Cancer)

Perhaps it’s because there’s just too many designated days, or too many good causes to keep track of. Perhaps it’s because HIV/ AIDS has been around for over thirty years and has become just another major illness in the long list of other major illnesses.

No surprise then that World’s HIV/AIDS day came and went on December 1st. Other than the sex educators and HIV/AIDS advocates, not too many people took notice.

The bad news? The number of people living with HIV worldwide rose from around 8 million in 1990, to a staggering 33 million by the end of 2009.

The good news? The overall growth of the epidemic has stabilized in recent years. The annual number of new HIV infections has steadily declined and due to the significant increase in people receiving antiretroviral therapy, the number of AIDS-related deaths has also declined.

The bad news? The only real solution is education. Not ironically, there’s a direct (and distressing) correlation between where education is difficult to access and where this disease is epidemic. With around 68 percent of all people living with HIV residing in sub-Saharan Africa, the region carries the greatest burden of the epidemic.

I won’t get into the politics and the financial strain this causes world nations—because, I believe, most people would simply zone out.

So, yes, we’ve all got our good causes; and it’s difficult, if not impossible, to support everything.

Lest we forget those 33 million people (plus) living and dealing with HIV/ AIDS today.

We talk about what parents can do if they get “caught in the act”. As well, I give tips on how to talk to our kids. Watch interview.

Watch interview on Breakfast TV Calgary.

I explained that men think—from their porno-sex-ed and general socialization— pleasing a woman means: (1) a big penis; (2) lasting a long time during intercourse; (3) making her orgasm.

These things are probably NOT what the average gal is looking for in the sexual experience. In fact, she’s probably craves something very different.

Instead she wants an emotional connection, intimacy and feeling that she’s being nurtured. ‘Sex’ for a woman will probably mean taking a bath, a massage or just sharing time together.

The clincher? No intercourse after said intimate connection as ‘the main event’ to wrap things up.

There was a long pause. The perplexed interviewer asked what every man wanted to know, “But what about the man’s sexual needs? Isn’t he going to walk away with ‘blue-balls’?”

In my head I was SCREAMING, “Why can’t men understand that most women walk away from the sex with ‘blue balls’ unsatisfied and unhappy with the experience?”

What men do to sexually satisfy their partners isn’t working. And to make matter worse, too many men refuse to learn and be open to new ideas.

On the other end women have a big part to play; not feeling confident or comfortable enough to say to their partner, “Hey, sex needs to be about what I want. And tonight it’s going to be an all-about-me-night; which means a full body massage and no intercourse. Next time we’ll focus on your fun.”

Because that conversation never happens, too many women are never truly fulfilled sexually.

I’ve said this about a bazillion times but here we go again. When her sexual needs are met, she’s a lot more likely to be a more active and eager participant in the bedroom. Sex becomes a mutually satisfying experience.

The irony is when couples incorporate her ideas and create a space for intimacy and nurturing it only deepens the sexual experience. Making for mind blowing sex.

What about the man’s sexual needs indeed.

Equally as frustrated he replied, “What’s wrong with using a condom?”

“I’m ovulating today and I don’t want to take any chances. The condom could break.”

It all started a few minutes earlier when my husband nuzzled my neck and I got a warm tingly sensation. I’d been thinking about sex all that long, long day and as Murphy’s Law would have it, it was one of those oh-so-rare ‘spontaneous sex moments’ where both of us were in the sex zone.

I was willing, ready and waiting to pounce. Images of clothes being flung off, wild sex occurring filled my head—it had been so long since both of us had been in the zone I was practically drooling.

But alas as you’ve already read I was ovulating—the reason I was so juiced up on sex hormones—any sex drive is completely lost thinking about accidentally having another child. Plus I don’t want to subject my body to any more birth control.

The answer to our spontaneous sex woes is simple. A vasectomy. Such a minor thing to have in order for us to have a happy and healthy sex life. Or at least for me it is such a simple and minor thing.

It’s been a year that my husband has dodged the ‘you need to get a vasectomy’ bullet. He’s given some valid and some pretty lame excuses as to why he can’t have one. I’ve patiently listened to them all, trying to be empathetic.

Men get all weirded out when it comes to messing with the ‘boys’. That’s why I’ve been patiently persistent in using condoms. Hoping that too many moments of, “Oh we’re in the shower and you want sex. Okay. BUT you need to get a condom. Off you go.” would wear him down.

Nope. Apparently he’s happy to use condoms for the next fifty years of our marriage. I’m growing tired of them and, like the spontaneous horny day, it’s getting in the way of my sexual happiness.

So I’m booking the appointment. But that leads me to my point. Why is birth control up to me and why do I have to be the ‘nagging wife’ to get this done. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Inevitably the conversation went to the girl’s sexuality—this after I got on my soap box and proclaimed a big reason why women have sexual hang-ups is because of us putting girls/ young ladies/ women’s sexuality under scrutiny as to whether their conduct was either “whore or Madonna’.

After the hallelujah chorus died down of anger that we never see men’s sexuality being scrutinized, we went right back to scrutinizing women’s sexuality.

Case in point one mom said she saw a news report showing a teenage girl who claimed to have more than 30 sexual partners. The mom, who by all accounts was sincerely trying to be open-minded, looked at me earnestly and asked, “Isn’t that a bit excessive for a teenager? I mean 30 sexual partners!”

And then somehow the conversation went to getting a Brazilian (A Brazilian is when you have all of your pubic hair removed. See Dr. Brian’s blog post about, “Why do we have pubic hair”.)

The mom of a 20 year-old explained that her daughter announced oh so casually one day that she had been getting Brazilians for the last two years.

A mom with two young daughters confessed she might like to try a Brazilian but how would she explain her lack of pubic hair to her daughters, and what kind of message would that send to them.

And then the best quote of the night (for me anyways) came out of the mom with the 20 year-old, “After your kids turn 13, they don’t listen to you anymore. They listen to what their friends are saying. I never got a Brazilian and I never talked about that sort of thing with her. And she’s doing things that I would never dream of doing. I’ve had no influence on her whatsoever.”

She went on, “I want to know what she’s up to but I really don’t want to know. Sometimes I just want to cover my ears and say, ‘lalalalalalala’ so I don’t know what’s going on when she goes out.”

Of course that put the fear of god into every woman there. And with a regretful, silent sigh I thought, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

Parents want to believe that it’s the outside forces that over stimulate and over sexualize our children—media, Lady Gaga, internet, friends—it’s what the media perpetuate and it’s easiest to believe.

So for the record, research shows that in fact parents have a significant impact on their kid’s sexuality. This is NOT meant as a guilt trip, rather a cry out from me for you to talk to your kids about sexuality.

Sex ed starts at age 0 and goes until the kids are out the door. When we are able to talk about sex openly, honestly with respect to the child’s burgeoning sexuality, they will go out into this world armed with the all important “sexual self confidence”.

Brazilian or no, we really have to stop scrutinizing and start accepting that women should and need to be openly sexual. It’s the one of the few ways we can start to enjoy sex to the max.