And you know what? Casual sex relationships can be complicated as f@#@k. I know that. I probably know that more than your average bear. But here I am…on the defense for casual sex.

But what I have been quite surprised about this week is the bad rap that casual sex apparently has. Since when are we all down on casual sex?

And here is one issue that I have with this negative attitude people have towards casual sex.

The average age of intercourse is 17 in Canada. The average age at marriage is 28 for females and 30 for men (in Canada). So there around 10 years of ‘single’ time for most young adults.

Now, you might be partnered during that time. And hopefully you can get a partner and keep them for the duration of your pre-married years. Or hopefully you are a serial monogamist and can jump from one relationship to another with absolutely no lag time (i.e., dry spells) between relationships. And btw, preventing dry spells is more successful if you are a mate poacher or have been mate poached.

But…what happens when you do have an unfortunate dry spell? Or what if you don’t want to be partnered? What if you don’t want a relationship? What if your schedule doesn’t lend itself well to couples’ events and navigating your partnered relationship on Facebook and 8 seasons of The Office?

Should you accept a life of celibacy other than your own self-pleasuring?

Hell no.

Why don’t you get yourself some casual sex? And I don’t mean the totally incapacitated, erectile dysfunction, passing out before sex, barfing in bed, walk of shame type of One Night Stand sex.

What about some regular casual sex? Might I suggest a Booty Call or a F@#@k Buddy or a Friend with some Benefits?

Sure, you’re going to have to negotiate the rules of engagement. Sure, it might be a bit complicated.

But so are relationships. And lots of relationships don’t work. But you don’t hear people calling down relationships all day long. (In fact, I’d argue a lot of people spend a lot of time either trying to get into one or trying to make sure they stay in their current one.)

I think (casual) sex for two is worth some negotiation, no?

Click here for a copy of the article for your (casual sexual) reading pleasure – Taking casual sex not too casually

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at Sex Research and The City.com

Some feminists would argue that this (unsightly-ness for the male eye) is why women remove pubic hair today. (I wouldn’t.) But there does seem to be a bush backlash, as my Sex Researcher BFF pointed out in an earlier post here.

As for the evolutionary basis of pubic hair, well, it’s largely speculative. Some researchers suggest that pubic hair traps scent (pheromones) which entice potential mates to the nether region. As for those hairy thighs and arms? Well those are to help our ape-like swinging arms and legs have less friction. Again, just a theory.

But what’s interesting is that when given the choice between the outline of a hairy male body (chest and pubes) and the outline of a hairless male body, women will choose the hairy one (indicative of sexual maturity). This is one of my favourite studies to share with my adolescent sexuality class since it totally grosses them out. But it makes sense, you can get rid of hair, but you can’t make someone magically be post-puberty.

But what else is interesting is that classic artists, just like your modern-day pornographer if you will, have censored pubic hair over time. Francisco Goya is apparently credited with being the first artist to portray female pubic hair (although very discreetly, see bottom image below) in La maja desnuda (The Nude Maja). Not to be confused with the La maja vestida (The Clothed Maja).

Perhaps you are a pubic hair lover. Perhaps you are a hater. I was a hater. And I say hater in the past tense because I currently have none. Permanently lasered off. Annnnd now…I love my life.

See, I had a love/hate relationship with the Brazilian waxing. I’d go for a few months and then have to back off because of in-growns (apparently this makes you a good candidate for laser). So I’d shave during my off-waxing cycles. Prickly dickily dock. Who likes that shit? Not me.

Oh, and by the way…the cheapest Brazilian I ever found was $15 and I sustained burns to my danger zone that were so bad that I couldn’t wear panties for 3 days. This was the same woman who kept talking on her blue tooth while I was spread eagle on her table. Hello? Isn’t there some etiquette that blue-toothing is a no-no when you are waxing the punanis (with too-hot wax)? Show some respect for the kitty kat, lady.

Now I found some recent Canadian research on pubic hair removal. Of 682 women aged 16-50, only 22 had NEVER removed any pubic hair at all. That means that 660 women (98%) had at one time removed some or all of their hair! This could just include trimming or just getting rid of the bikini line, but still. Average age of removing pubic hair was 18, some as young as 9 (!!), and some definite trends in the teens (11-15yr olds).

The top reasons for removing pubic hair: It looks better in a bathing suit (hear, hear, sista) followed by It makes me feel attractive.

Areas of removal…well 64% of women responded that they had removed all of the pubic hair at least once. Shaving was the most common method; women reported that it was the quick and dirty (well quick and easy, hopefully the girls are using clean razors) method, followed by trimming and waxing – either salon or home waxing. I don’t know how anyone could wax their own bird. But I definitely tip my bird off (in the nice way) to women who home wax.

Anyways, regardless of the evolutionary function of pubic hair, historical portrayals of pubic hair, reasons for removing your pubic hair, reasons for growing and/or braiding your pubic hair, I’m glad I don’t gots none left. Some might think that makes me a feminist sell-out, but personally, I’ve hated my pubes since they grew in so I’m not that sad now that we’ve parted ways.

And when people ask me if I think I might regret having my pubic hair lasered off into oblivion (and you know what? Surprisingly, a lot of people ask me this), I always think of what my friend the gynecologist says: pubic hair thins before it greys. So it’s not like anyone has a life lease with their pubes anyway.

Sidebar: My laser-ist convinced me to throw in the armpits while I was at it. I felt that this was a bit of an oversell since it was already so expensive but I think I might be happier with my armpit hair removal than my bird (and that says a lot). Words cannot express how nice it is not to play “When should I shave my pits?” every day in the shower. F*ck that sh*t.

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at Sex Research and The City.com

Just before ejaculation he will feel contractions in his vas deferens, seminal vesicles, and the prostate, causing seminal fluid (ejaculate) to collect in a pool at the base of his penis. He will feel a “tickling” type sensation.

When ready to ejaculate, he will feel a “throbbing” around his urethra. Ejaculate will leave his penis at roughly the same rate of travel as a city bus, 28 miles per hour, but can reach speeds of 43 miles per hour depending how long since the last time he came. (It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!!)

Once he has ejaculated, his scrotum and testes will return to normal their size. He will have a general feeling of relaxation and experience a refractory period (where a he is physically incapable of getting another erection). This period may be from a few minutes to much longer.

Researchers are clearly developing a solid body of evidence that love is indeed as much physiology as psychology. A chemistry between lovers is not just a turn of phrase; it is a torrential release of brain chemicals and hormones. For convenient reference, just in time for Valentine’s Day, here is your own periodic chart for love:

Phenylethylamine

Scientists have found that phenylethylamine, or PEA, is a neurotransmitter chemical in the brain that causes you to fall madly in love with someone. It is a natural form of amphetamine that floods the regions of the brain involved in sexual excitement.

Studies show that people who profess high passion for each other have equally high levels of PEA. For that reason, San Diego-based sex therapist Theresa L. Crenshaw calls PEA the “molecule of love.”

“PEA could well be the visual component of the chemistry of love at first sight,” writes Crenshaw in her 1996 book, “The Alchemy of Love and Lust: How Our Sex Hormones Influence Our Relationships” (Pocket, $14). “We do not know how sight can cause this response, or how it is processed through our body and brain. We do know the response causes a circulatory surge of PEA.”

Trouble is, scientists concur that the effects of PEA last only for about the first three to five years into a relationship. Friar says this time frame fits nicely into the human development theory that early man stayed with his mate long enough to procreate and then protect the child during early years of life or until the child was useful to the local clan.

“Marriages don’t last on PEA alone,” Friar says.

It’s also possible to work up a new batch of PEA for another person, which can explain affairs or people giving themselves a second (or third or fourth) chance at true love. Friar says the PEA levels for some people may never be as high as they were when experiencing their first love. But others–thanks mostly to heightened thinking by the frontal lobe of the brain about common interests or shared goals–can actually experience an even greater PEA level later in life than they did in the teenage or college years.

Oxytocin

Before doing any quick calculating about the doom of your own relationship, know that oxytocin is a brain peptide that can flow to the rescue of what otherwise could be a short-lived relationship. It is secreted from the pituitary gland and bathes the brain and reproductive tracts of both women and men. This chemical wash increases our sensitivity to touch and encourages grooming and cuddling in both sexes. It also reduces stress-causing hormones in the body.

Oxytocin is released every time we hold hands or snuggle up close to someone. It bonds us with the people we love most, whether a lover, child, family member or friend. Studies show oxytocin levels peak during orgasm and, for women, delivering a baby and breast-feeding are both actions that send oxytocin levels skyrocketing. A labor-inducing drug, Pitocin, is a form of oxytocin.

Crenshaw labels oxytocin as “hormonal superglue” that keeps us connected to one another long after the PEA wears out. She says touching is a key element of producing oxytocin, and “touch deprivation” is a sure way to deplete your supply. Consuming too much alcohol also can decrease oxytocin levels.

The oxytocin effect is more powerful in women, probably because it works in concert with estrogen (more plentiful in the female body) and is subdued by testosterone (higher in men). Research shows that men who regularly stimulate their mates’ oxytocin levels are treated by those women with greater affection.

Friar says some researchers have found oxytocin levels dip below optimal amounts in men and women if a couple doesn’t reach orgasm twice each week (which explains Friar’s dates in his planner). What’s more, one study of 3,500 individuals finished in 1999 by psychologist David Weeks showed people who have sex at least three times each week appear 10 years younger than their actual age. He interviewed subjects from the U.S. and Europe.

Weeks, an American psychologist on staff at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, reasons that oxytocin and its role in affection is one reason for such youthfulness.

“It’s not a case of these people having more sex because they look younger,” he says. “They actually look younger because they are having more sex in loving, stable relationships.”

Pheromones

These are chemicals in the body that send signals to others through a subliminal passageway of scent. Scientists widely accept that animals communicate and mate by smell. Another given is animals can be warned of impending danger by scent.

It has long been thought humans were less susceptible to such basic olfactory signals. A University of Chicago researcher, Martha McClintock, seems to have proved otherwise. You may know about her work that found college-age women who live together develop similar menstruation patterns.

McClintock took the concept a step further in a 1998 study published in the scientific journal Nature by showing the perspiration of a woman just before or after ovulating can accelerate or delay the onset of menstruation in other women by 12 to 14 days. She used underarm pads (treated with rubbing alcohol to “hide” the smell) from the ovulating women, wiping the pads under the noses of the other volunteers in the experiment. Pre-ovulation pads shortened menstrual cycles in two-thirds of the women, while post-ovulation pads lengthened the cycles to be in sync with the perspiring women.

McClintock connects the results with human pheromones, although they are substances we don’t necessarily recognize on any conscious level (and no one seems to know how the body or nose detects them). She and others now are pursuing more research on pheromones; it is possible pheromone treatment can help with fertility treatments, while some scientists believe pheromone-based drugs might help address depression and stress.

Crenshaw says she expects future studies to show that pheromones can affect sex drive and appeal.

Serotonin

A shortage of this brain chemical is widely associated with depression. Antidepressant drugs such as Prozac are designed to increase serotonin levels, as can pleasant dinner conversations with your mate. In animal studies, high levels of serotonin encourage selectivity in mates while lower amounts are associated with less discriminating choices of mates and overly aggressive sexual behavior.

“Serotonin increases when you are feeling good about yourself,” Friar says. “Loving someone and being loved are among the best ways to feel that way.”

For instance, a 2004 study found that women tend to be more sexually active on days just prior to and during ovulation (from about day 10 to 15 of your monthly cycle), when levels of luteinizing hormone (LH) rise. This makes sense given our genetic programming to reproduce.

Other studies find that women who experience various symptoms before their period (bloating, headaches, mood changes, etc.) are less interested in having sex and have less sex than other times of their cycle. One study even found these women have less frequent orgasms and get less satisfaction from their orgasms just before their periods than in the middle of their cycles. Conversely, another study found that women without any premenstrual symptoms were more interested in sex just before their periods than in the middle of their cycle.

As for sexual desire during her period, well, there are lots of reasons as to why a woman might be less interested in sex. She might be having cramps, heavy bleeding–making for messy sex–or not feel at her best because of bloating.

If you feel less desire during your period and it’s a problem for you or your partner, talk to a health care professional or therapist. However, if your lack of desire during these few days of your cycle isn’t causing any problems or concerns for you or your partner, then I would simply chalk it up to your “sexual desire” personality. Perfectly normal and nothing to worry about.

Testosterone levels begin dropping up to ten years before menopause (known as peri-menopause), a slow, steady decline that never actually ends. If menopause happens, as a result of surgery, that decline occurs much more dramatically and could affect your libido. Although there’s good evidence that supplemental testosterone can improve desire, it may be that the dosage or form of testosterone you’re using isn’t the right one for you, or that other things are going on in addition to hormonal problems.

Estrogen, which is also produced by the ovaries, plays a role in our sexual enjoyment, given that it’s responsible for keeping tissues like those in the vagina moist and healthy. That’s why some women find sex becomes uncomfortable or even painful around and just after the menopause transition—when estrogen levels drop rapidly. That fear of pain can in turn affect desire. And if you’ve had surgical menopause, that drop in estrogen, like the drop in testosterone, is much more dramatic, and the symptoms that result can be much more intense.

If the ovaries were left in the body after the hysterectomy, there may be other reasons for sexual alterations. While removing the uterus itself doesn’t seem to contribute hormonally to low libido, it may play a role in other ways.

Clinic Corner

Here are some tidbits from the Bio-identical Hormone Society conference held in Seattle last month. www.bio-identicalhormonsociety.com

Sex Binding Hormone Globulin (SBHG) levels rise in women using hormonal contraceptives. HGB binds (captures) free testosterone, making it unavailable. This is why women on hormonal contraceptives experience a lowered sex drive that sometimes remains even after discontinuing use.

But there might be hope. Some alternative medicine helath care providers are using Urtica Dioica root (stinging nettle) to unbind bound testosterone. This is good news as testosterone is not only important for a healthy sex drive but also for brain, bone, and heart health in women and men. Eklektic Institute is reputed to be an excellent Urtica Dioica product–recommended dose is three capsules twice a day.

Hyperemesis in pregnancy

It has been known since 1952 that 2 gm of vitamin C and 20 mg of vitamin K3, taken one to two times daily, will arrest nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. This combination helps the liver deal with the sudden increase in estrogen that happens with the onset of pregnancy.