I know Annie Lennox said, “Don’t Mess with a Missionary Man,” but I think the song is about religion, not sex. This position has gotten a bad rap over the years but I’m here to tell you there’s nothing wrong with it – especially for couples for whom one gets a kick out of being dominant and the other prefers to be more submissive.

Woman-on-top is also obviously great for women as they can really control the movement.

EXTRA TIP: For those in the “on-top” position–try not just moving in and out but circling your hips.

2) Try a different location
Part of the reason we can get stuck always having sex in the same position is because we often have sex in the same room. Why not try the bathroom or the kitchen? When you switch your location, you automatically have to get creative with your position.

EXTRA TIP: Even if you do start in another room of the house, don’t feel like you have to stay there. Think of it as the appetizer – it’s okay if you go back to the bedroom for the main course.

3) Avoid acrobatics
While changing things up can definitely provide for new stimulation (both visually and physically) it’s important to remember, you’re having sex, not auditioning for the circus.

Not everyone likes to feel like they’re being manipulated like a Gumby doll, so tread cautiously when you try out a new position and make sure to communicate if it’s uncomfortable or doesn’t turn your crank.

EXTRA TIP: Some of the crazy acrobatic positions that you see in porn are meant to look interesting but aren’t the greatest for producing pleasure.

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is a TV host, advice columnist & relationship coach who likes to ask uncomfortable questions. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk. Follow Cynthia on Twitter.

If you’re in a big city – you’re probably lucky enough to have a female friendly sex store like Toronto’s Come As You Are or Good For Her. If not, you can always go online and find stuff!

If you’re unsure of what you might like–here are a few suggestions:

START WITH SOFTCORE
If you grew up in Ontario or Quebec in the 80′s –chances are you spent one or two late nights watching ‘Blue Movies’ (or ‘Blue Nuit’ as the French like to say). I still have vivid memories of watching the French film, Emmanuelle late at night while my parents were asleep. Subtle and surprisingly beautiful-–it remains (in my humble opinion) one of the hottest films to date.

GO RETRO
I don’t know if it’s the fact that they are shot on film or that they are filled with free-lovin hippies – but there is something about retro erotics that I absolutely love. Some notables are the Mitchell Brothers “Behind The Green Door” featuring a young and beautiful Marilyn Chambers (who looked a lot like a young Meg Ryan to me) and Radley Metzger’s “The Opening Of Misty Beethoven”. If you like diverse bodies and aren’t afraid of a little bit of hair (okay, sometimes a lot of hair) – then check out a little retro.

EXPLORE AMATEUR
Amateur pornography–-like people–-comes in all shapes, sizes and ages. The one thing they share is that they generally feature real couples so if the idea of authenticity is a turn on for you, then it might just what you’re looking for. However, if you’re the type of person who only likes your porn ‘pretty’ it’s a bit of a gamble. Either way, a great place to start is Tony Comstock’s films. He manages to find attractive, intelligent couples who not only discuss the intimate and often romantic details of their relationship –they also have very authentically hot sex.

EDUCATIONAL
These movies are definitely the furthest thing from the SexEd films you watched in school. Whether you are interested in ways to spice up your sex life or how to explore your g-spot-–this is a market that has grown in popularity over the past few years as more and more couples have begun to explore erotic films together. The Better Sex Videos (at BetterSex.com) is a great place to start.

LOOK ONLINE
If you’re not careful-–this can be a really bad suggestion as anyone who has ever accidentally clicked on the wrong website while innocently looking for cute, cuddly photos of kitties knows very well. But if you know where to look, there are lots of fun places to read erotica, look at sexy photos or watch video clips. One of my fav’s is Fleshbot-–which combines sex in the news, cheeky commentary and clips searchable by category.

For other suggestions, pick up Violet Blue’s The Smart Girls Guide To Porn.

Outspoken, hip, irreverent – yet enlightening, Cynthia Loyst is the informative voice behind CP24’s series SEX MATTERS. She’s also a certified life/relationship coach, advice columnist and guest expert on a variety of shows including The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV Newsnet and Etalk where she speaks on a variety of topics related to love, sexuality and relationships. Find out more about Cynthia.

This schoolgirl outfit has been repeated many a time since. Think (cliché) sexy Halloween costume. But also role playing, which brings me to the real topic of this post…

I’m certainly no connoisseur of role playing. I hate charades. I hate that board game where you have to hum out a tune. And I absolutely hate having to do skits as part of group activities at work or school. But here’s the kicker…every time I do one of those group skits, I totally get into character and people can’t believe how good I am.

So how can role playing not induce heart palpitations for the faint of charade heart?

Well, speaking from personal experience… take a deep breath, throw caution to the wind, and wholeheartedly dive head first into the role that you are playing.

Easier said than done? Not really.

Of course it’s hard to know exactly what to say or do in these new scenarios. But for me, part of the excitement is definitely the unknown…not knowing what to expect or what you will say or how your partner(s) will respond is such a cool part of this experience.

My recent schoolgirl experience was exactly this. Now, instead of the white knee high stocking and red plaid skirt and white tied blouse…I took a much naughtier take on the ‘sexy schoolgirl.’

Think black. Think PVC. Think black garters. Think black PVC string bikini top. Think black midriff top with more black PVC. Plaid embellishments all around.

There is nothing ‘innocent’ looking about this outfit. Not even for a second. Not even the tip.

Heavy make-up with very pink cheeks and pouty lips, hair in pigtails, and the little black vixen outfit made the transition possible from me as PhD student to a very different type of schoolgirl. The result: hot sex.

So on behalf of all the women scared to experiment with role playing: be a brave grasshopper and take the plunge.

If schoolgirl isn’t your thing, experiment with other roles…hot businesswoman (perfect if you have some sexy pantsuit combo), yoga instructor….anything really. Power dynamics are a common starting point, but aren’t necessary.

Other tips? Find some props that work for your scenario. Create a scene that you feel (at least somewhat) comfortable in. Having a scenario in mind may prevent you from feeling like you are just having sex in a costume (which if you like Halloween is often lots of fun!).

As a former role player hater, prepare to blow yourself away with how amazing you are at adopting your very own sexual alter(s) and how invigorating this can be.

Who knows? Role playing might be your new favourite go-to move in the bedroom…or the living room or kitchen or local bar or hotel…

As “they” say: Variety is the spice of life.

*Variety picture – Erika Aoyama

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at Sex Research and The City.com

Have you ever role played? Do you want to try it some time? Tell us about your steamy experiences.

Silicone
Silicone is the ideal sex toy material. It is non-porous and the only sex toy material that can be disinfected. Because of this it can be shared between partners or used vaginally or anally after it has been boiled in water for around 4 minutes. Please remember that you CANNOT boil a silicone vibe or dildo that has a vibrator unit inside of it. Silicone is also hypoallergenic so individuals with latex allergies can use them. Further, silicone toys are non-toxic, pliable, durable, have no sharp seams, warms to the body quickly, retains heat, and carries vibration like a dream. They also don’t degrade so they last a long time. Forever Pleasure only sells silicone toys that are 100% food or medical grade silicone. Please be aware that many products claim to be silicone when, by law, they only need to contain 10% silicone to claim they are ‘silicone.’ There are many cheap ‘silicone’ products on the market, which can be just as harmful as sex toys made from jelly.

Elastomer
Elastomer is quickly becoming a very popular material used with high-end, sex toys. It has properities very similar to silicone. It is hypoallergenic, so it is kinder to your skin. These toys are extremely soft, yet very durable so it will last for years. Elastomer vibes are also extremely quiet and much easier to clean than latex. They are also 100% latex-free, so individuals with latex allergies and sensitivities can use them with no worries.

Soft Vinyl
Food grade vinyl sex toys from excellent manufacturers are less porous and last longer than jelly toys. They are extremely soft and pliable, yet hard enough to feel great. Soft vinyl is a great vibe material because it carries vibrations wonderfully. Forever Pleasure only carries high-end food grade vinyl sex toys made in Japan. Some stores and sites carry cheap vinyl toys that are quite porous. These toys are more likely to house bacteria and yeast causing nasty vaginal and/or rectal infections. Because of this you should always use a condom on your inexpensive vinyl sex toys. Because vinyl toys are more porous they do not last as long as silicone toys. Further, vinyl cannot be disinfected. Clean your vinyl toys with anti-bacterial soap and water.

Latex
Latex vibrators and dildos are not as common as they used to be. Latex toys are generally more cost-effective than silicone or elastamer toys, however, they have their disadvantages. Latex is soft, but not pliable so these products do not bend well. Latex is also very porous, which makes the toy break down over time and difficult to clean properly. Since you cannot sterilize latex toys you MUST use condoms on your toys if you share them with a partner or use them for vaginal and anal penetration. As well, many individuals have latex allergies or sensitivities. These individuals should use hypoallergenic sex toys made from silicone or elastomer.

Plastic
Plastic toys are generally very hard and not pliable. They are usually smooth, but the cheaper toys have sharp seams that can cut the vaginal canal or rectum. Hard plastic does conduct vibrations well and can usually be used safely for the exterior stimulation of the erogenous zones. They are also easy to clean with either sex toy cleaner or rubbing alcohol. However, most plastic sex toys are poorly made and one should steer clear from them if at all possible.

CyberskinTM or other Realistic Materials
These toys are known for their realistic-looking and feeling flesh-like texture. They are soft, smooth and flexible, much like human skin. However, these toys are extremely difficult to keep clean after use. You can keep your toy from looking like a lint magnet by adding corn starch or CyberskinTM talc after each use. They are also very porous and difficult to clean and cannot be sterilized. Like jelly toys, they may contain harmful phthalates. If you must use these toys, please use a condom each and every time.

Jelly
Jelly sex toys are extremely common because it is an inexpensive material that can easily be formed into almost any shape. They come in a huge array of shapes, sizes, and colours. Jelly toys are very soft and pliable, yet can be quite rigid during play time. Jelly toys are porous and difficult to properly clean. They CANNOT be sterilized like silicone. They also appear to contain chemical agents called phthalates, which have been known to cause health problems in laboratory studies. It is important to note that inserting jelly toys into the vagina or anus can be harmful to your health. Please use a condom everytime you use a jelly toy to help with safety, maintenance, and cleaning. Also, please read the Health Issues with Inexpensive Sex Toys section for more information.

Glass
Glass sex toys should be made from PyrexTM, which is generally laboratory quality. It should not shatter when dropped, but they can. If you see a crack your glass toy discontinue use immediately. You do not want a glass toy breaking while using it internally. Glass is non-porous, retains temperature very well, and is extremely smooth. It does not contain phthalates and is easy to clean with antibacterial soap and water. PyrexTM glass toys can even be boiled.

Metal
High quality metal sex toys are fine if they do not have any sharp seams and if they are unpainted. Painted metal toys are prone to flaking. Cheap metal vibes are not recommended. Metal toys are very hard, non-porous, 100% phthalate-free, and usually quite smooth. They are easily cleaned with anti-bacterial soap and warm water.

Dr. Brian Parker is the creator of Embrace board game. He also is owner of ForeverPleasure.com an on-line adult store that sells the very best product.

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There are couples who love to have great sex, and I mean with a capital L. There is however one condition. They only want to have that great sex with the person to whom they are committed. Sex for such individuals is not an end in itself. It‟s not a case of “any sex will do”. They are not into trading vaginas and penises for their own personal aggrandizement. Do such couples experience boredom in the bedroom? Of course! Their boredom could be as palpable as the next guys. What distinguishes their response however is their level of commitment to the relationship and their intuitive understanding of the value of a good sex-life to the health of the relationship. Because they understand the basics of relational health, they are therefore willing to put in the extra work to alleviate the bedroom blues. They also understand that love is really about putting the needs of another individual before their own. This means that if each partner focuses on what to do to please the other sexually, then the result is likely to be one sexually fulfilled couple.

Regardless of the response mode you and your spouse may have found yourselves in when it comes to the bedroom blues, the following tips represent a starting point for your continued sexual renewal as a couple:

Schedule lovemaking sessions; especially when there are kids around. This ensures that sexual intimacy becomes as regular a part of your couple‟s repertoire as taking a shower is to the individual.

Don’t underestimate the power of the quickie. Yes the long, drawn out, steamy, lovemaking sessions a la Hollywood and the romance novel may be well known to some of us, but a short, sweet sexual encounter may be better than none at all.

Get deliberately creative. Using the powers of imagination from time to time can always add flavour to the love-life. This may involve using sexy lingerie, silk boxers and other little tricks like scented candles, fragrant oils, music, feathers, flavoured condoms, satin sheets, carefully positioned mirrors and you get my drift I’m sure.

Cultivate a ‘touchy-feely’ relationship. Couples who understand how to be physically demonstrative to each other outside of the bedroom get to preserve a certain level of sexual tension which just goes kaboom when they come together.

Have a regular date-night. Spending time together regularly in other social settings helps an individual to see his/her partner in a different light. Taking the effort to dress up and go out together sends a powerful message that the individual is not being taken for granted.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Couples who fail to share what they really feel about their love-life run the risk of harbouring anger and resentment which can contribute to further rifts in the relationship. It is important for couples to practice emotional intimacy if they expect to have great sexual intimacy. This comes only through honesty, openness and a shared vulnerability.

Have lots of sex. Scientific studies have proven that the more sex we have the more sex we want. So there is perhaps no greater way to jump-start a flagging sex life that with some attempt at a sexual marathon (of course not forever but just so you could get those hormones racing again). Couples could perhaps set themselves an attainable sexual goal as an experiment or a challenge; for example, sex everyday for five or seven straight days. According to researchers, this is guaranteed to straighten out those hormones and have them and other parts of of your anatomy in tip-top working condition.
© Denise J Charles 2011

Denise J Charles easily describes herself as the quintessential Renaissance woman with her hands in many pies. She is a wife and mother of three sons, an educator who has taught from High School to University, a performance poet, Artistic Director, published author, blogger, counselor and relationship coach. She is a qualified “trainer of trainers” and also holds a Master’s Degree in Education. Denise is from the beautiful island of Barbados. You can find Denise’s thoughts on sex and sexuality on her blog Red Red Apples (http://redredapples.wordpress.com/).

Dear Mean Male Member,
This is one of the most common questions I get from men. There is a perpetuated myth that the bigger the penis the better. Or, that you need a large penis to satisfy a partner. This is definitely not true!

The average size of a flaccid (limp) male penis is between 3 and 3.5 inches. The average length of an erect penis is 6 inches. In fact, 90% of men have an erect penis between 5 inches and 7 inches in length. That means that 5% of men have an erect penis a little smaller than 5 inches and an equal number of adult men have an erect penis longer than 7 inches.

Most people don’t know that the vaginal canal varies in length as well. The average length of an unaroused vaginal canal is 3 to 3.5 inches. When a woman is aroused the average length is between 5 and 7 inches (the same as the penis!). So, if we are talking about penis-vagina sex, having a large penis (longer than 7 inches) really doesn’t matter.
Best regards, Dr. Brian Parker

Dear Faking It,
Even though Jenna Jameson would love to teach all you women how to make love like a porn star, it probably isn’t a very good idea.

You see, porn stars fake it too. In fact, almost all of it is just acting. And it isn’t just blonde-haired, big boobed, starlets masking grunts and groans. Studies show that about 55% of women occasionally fake orgasms, while 75% of you girls have put on the uh-oh-ah act at least once in your life.

So Faking It, you’ve got yourself into a bit of a pickle. When you ‘act’ like a porn star you get lost in your (act)ions and it’s pretty tough to orgasm.

Your brain is your biggest sex organ. If you’re constantly trying to up the sex-scream- ante you’ll have a hard time attaining the big O. Further, you lose touch with your erogenous zones and grow disconnected from your sexuality.

Can he tell? Maybe not. Many guys are too interested in reaching orgasm to be concerned about yours. However, I’m just about to bust all you fakers.

Here’s how you tell if your girlfriend is having pretend sex on your behalf. When a woman has an orgasm she has contractions every 0.8th of a second that can be felt in her vaginal canal and rectum. A woman typically orgasms between thirteen to fifty-one seconds. That should give you enough time to feel for true sex contractions.

And FYI, the main problem with pretending to have earth-shattering orgasms is that eventually (at least if you ever want to have one again) you have to tell him.

And you do have to tell him. Most guys will take this personally, but it’s best to be honest. If he’s not great in bed, break it to him gently. Believe it or not, most guys don’t know much about a woman’s erogenous zones.

If your partner isn’t doing things right you’ll just have to TELL him what you like. And, if you can’t tell him, SHOW him. Guide his hands over your hot spots and teach him exactly what makes you purr.

Lastly FI, it is important to know that people put so much pressure on themselves to perform in bed, that their bedroom antics stop them from having great sex.

Stop faking, stop focusing on having orgasms, and just enjoy the pleasurable sensations your body is feeling. You’ll orgasm a whole lot easier that way.

Best regards, Dr. Brian Parker from ForeverPleasure.com

And unlike the ghost, ghouls, and goblins that scare the shit out of you on October 31st, this wonderful new toy will have you sqweeling for the other 364 days of the year as well.

‘Mini Tongue’
Positives:
• Tongue is big enough so that it can be used internally and/or externally
• Tongue vibrates (plus it comes with an attached bullet for added sensations)
Negatives:
• Vibe only has one tongue
• Made of Trueskin which can contain pthalates
Overall Rating: 1/5

‘Sqweel – Oral Sex Stimulator’
Positives:
• Wheel of 10 lapping tongues lead to increased sensations on any body part
• Tongues made of silicone (does not contain pthalates)
Negatives:
• Does not vibrate
• The soft plastic case doesn’t seem very durable
Overall Rating: 4/5

Read more about the Sqweel.

Dr. Brian Parker is the creator of Embrace board game. He also is owner of ForeverPleasure.com an on-line adult store that sells the very best product.

Dr. Trina’s Response: Sadly, I believe, a big reason couples lose their desire to kiss passionately is a lack of attention to their (bad) breath. Yet, bad breath is one of those “darned if you say something and darned if you don’t” predicaments.

Sometimes subtle tactics work; hints like, offering a stick of gum, sprig of parsley or whatever breath freshener is available. However, most people pick up on this, will probably get defensive and walk away in a huff—breaking the (already broken) mood.

You need to ask yourself: is your guy’s bad breath a once in a while thing, or is it chronic? If it is the latter, a trip to the dentist may be in order. Otherwise it means having a gentle chat that acceptable breath isn’t only for his work environment.

Remember, it’s a big motivation for him to know fresh breath equals you feeling more romantic.

Then show him this trick: When he wants to get romantic, simply lick the inside of his wrist and sniff. If he does not like what he smells, he immediately needs to do something to alleviate the situation.

Great Sex Tip
Make sure to keep something like a pack of Listerine PocketPaks at your bedside table when things start heating up. You will both have minty fresh breath and things will stay heated up.