What is the average time for female orgasm?
As you probably already know, it generally takes women longer to reach orgasm than it does men. But just how much longer are we talking about? In the classic sex studies conducted by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s, they found that the average man was able to reach orgasm in about four minutes, whereas most women took ten to twenty minutes.(1)

More recent studies have reported similar numbers. However, keep in mind that there is significant variability in how long it takes people to climax, with some men and women experiencing premature orgasm and others taking much longer periods of time.

Do you think that there is a spectrum of sexuality/orientations?
Although many people think of sexual orientation as comprising just three discrete categories (i.e., gay, straight, and bisexual), there are others who believe sexuality should instead be viewed on a continuum, with varying degrees of heterosexuality and homosexuality. Alfred Kinsey was among the first to propose such a sexuality spectrum with his famous Kinsey Scale.(2)

This scale ranges from 0 to 6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, 3 being equally heterosexual and homosexual, and 6 being exclusively homosexual. The numbers in between essentially reflect differing states of bisexuality. The nice thing about such a scale is that it does not attempt to put everyone into a neat little box—it allows for a lot of individual variability, and there’s certainly a lot of that when it comes to sex!

For instance, although somewhere around 7-8% of the population identifies as gay or bisexual, the percentage of people who have ever had a same-sex encounter is much, much higher.(3) By looking at sexuality on a spectrum, we wouldn’t automatically categorize the latter individuals as ‘straight’; instead, we could place them on the continuum in a way that more appropriately reflects their sexual history. Thus, there’s a lot of value to adopting such an approach to the study of sexual orientation.

What’s the data on men’s views on women having multiple partners vs. women’s views?
A significant amount of research has found that both men and women judge female promiscuity more harshly than male promiscuity.(4) This is the case in most societies around the world—women who sleep around are typically condemned and looked down upon, whereas men who engage in the same behaviors are subject to far less criticism.

However, I should note that research in this area has not been entirely consistent. Some studies have found no sex difference in endorsement of this double standard, whereas others have shown that men and women vary in terms of the degree to which they buy into it. Any way you look at it, though, female sexual behavior tends to be judged more negatively than male sexual behavior.

Other Justin Lehmiller Articles
Men Don’t Fall Asleep Right After Sex?

Related Articles
The Irony of Intercourse
Sexual Desire Discrepancy Uncovered
Sexually Adventurous Much More Sexually Satisfied

Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller is a social psychologist, relationship researcher, and sex columnist living and working in Boston, Massachusetts. He has published over 20 scholarly works, including articles in some of the leading scientific journals on sex and relationships. His research has been featured prominently in numerous media outlets, including Psychology Today, The Globe and Mail, Men’s Health, The Sunday Times, and the National Geographic Channel. Dr. Lehmiller writes a column entitled Lusting, Loving, and Leaving on the Science of Relationships website, as well as a sexuality and relationships blog at Lehmiller.com, follow him on Twitter.

1. Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1966). Human sexual response. Boston, MA: Little, Brown.
2. Kinsey, A., Pomeroy, W. B., & Martin, C. E. (1948). Sexual behavior in the human male. Philadelphia: Saunders.
3. National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB). Findings from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, Centre for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7 (Suppl. 5).
4. Crawford, M., & Popp, D. (2003). Sexual double standards: A review and methodological critique of two decades of research. The Journal of Sex Research, 40, 13-26.

Derek,
The vagina is a sensitive mucus membrane that should never be exposed to harsh chemicals like the ones in nail polish. I’m not sure what you are using the nail polish for but I am sure there are alternatives. Notice, it is not called “vagina” polish. Sincerely, Dr. Kat

Dr. Kat is a Clinical Sexologist Marriage and Family Therapist who has been practicing in the field of counseling since 1994. In addition to her training in Marriage, Family and Addictions, she has extensive sexuality training. Find out more at: Dr.Kat.com

Many men (gay and straight) are exploring anal sensations. The anus has many nerve endings which feel great when stimulated. The A-spot or prostate gland is a walnut-shaped gland that contains the bulk of the fluid in ejaculate. The prostate gland is about 2 inches into the rectum at a 45 degree angle. Most men, but not all, find stimulating this area to be extremely arousing.

To read more click here.

‘Prostate Pro 5′
Positives:
• Easy-to-use hand controller with one touch, 5-speed vibrations
• Fairly inexpensive and doesn’t contain pthalates like many cheaper toys
Negatives:
• Some men will not like the sensations of the ‘spikes’ and ‘nubs’ on the toy
• Has a battery pack controller so it cannot be sterilized in boiling water
Overall Rating: 2.5/5

‘Rude Boy’
Positives:
• Dual action vibe that stimulates the prostate and perineum at the same time
• 100% medical grade silicone with a removable bullet vibe so it can be sterilized in boiling water
Negatives:
• Some men prefer a harder material to stimulate the prostate
• Vibe uses watch batteries which can burn out quickly
Overall Rating: 4/5

Dr. Brian Parker is the creator of Embrace board game. He also is owner of ForeverPleasure.com an on-line adult store that sells the very best product.

When is it appropriate to snoop through a partner’s phone or email?

I’m not gonna lie. I’m as curious as the next kitten. So, if you will, please imagine me dismounting from my moral high horse while I admit that I’ve snooped in the past.

And you know what? I snooped and found shit I didn’t like. Quelle surprise! Emails to ex-girlfriends, sexual pictures being exchanged waaaaaay after the fact, my bf’s presenting themselves like they are single to past flames and unknown females.

And the more I looked, the more I found. So the more I looked. And then the more I found.

And the more I misinterpreted information that was probably taken out of context. Just like Facebook. When given no information, we jump to conclusions and that little green-eye monster rears its ugly head. Check out my SRBFF’s article on Facebook Jealousy here.

Now….back to me being a snoop dog.

I eventually brought up what I had found to my bf’s (yes, there were more than one. I told you I got off the horse, didn’t I?). Insert an awkward conversation that is centered around my lack of trust and a gi-normous invasion of their privacy. Kinda hard to be taken seriously when those are the grounds upon which you lay your argument, no? I also politely asked them to change their email passwords so that I couldn’t snoop anymore, fyi. I knew I couldn’t trust myself. Neither should they.

For me, snooping was done at times when I was feeling super secure about my relationship. One might ask why I was snooping. Good question. The answer: I have no effing idea. But I also snooped when I was feeling a lot less secure. This was when snooping became very problematic because it just made me snoop more. And then I’d find something that would confirm my suspicions that shit wasn’t right in our relationship. So more snooping. [Insert vicious snooping cycle]

But here’s the flip side. What about all those people who snoop and find incriminating evidence that there is inappropriate behaviour taking place behind their backs? Who doesn’t have a story of a friend (or a friend of a friend) whose relationship crashed and burned because of snooping that revealed some major indiscretion(s)? To be honest, I struggle with this point.

However, I will say that snooping bred my own personal hell of jealousy, insecurity, and doubt. That’s not who I ever imagined myself being in a relationship. As for now, I’m proud to report I’ve been snoop-free since 2006. I’m gonna send for my 5 year anniversary pin later this year.

What about you? If Snoop Doggie Dog is your theme song, I don’t know what to suggest for you.

Jocelyn Wentland is a Sex Researcher, PhD student at the University of Ottawa. You will find her blogs are sexual, risqué (she likes to push the envelope), potentially offending, fun, but most of all, real. Read more of Jocelyn’s blog at Sex Research and The City.com

Click here to watch the interview.

Once again, it had nothing to do with male sexuality—can’t figure out for the life of me why it’s always gal’s sexuality that’s under scrutiny. Maybe because people keep that old tired, “men can have lots of sex and women can’t…because she’ll get pregnant and get labeled a ‘whore’” dogma subconsciously in their heads.

This time, thank goodness, no mention of how immoral and over sexualized our young women have become—perhaps that headline has been beaten to a pulp and can’t dragged out anymore. Click here to read the press release.

I won’t bore you with my usual tirade of how scientifically inaccurate these sex surveys are and how much damage they do over the long term to a woman’s sexuality. But I digress—oops, almost got on that soap box of mine.

This survey zeroed in on women 18 to 24 and showed that they’re having sex. Does this shock and surprise you? Me neither. The ‘spin’ in the press release is that they’re taking the birth control pill and only talking to their friends—rather than her doctor.

The press release states, “…which found that more than 50 per cent of Canadian women between the ages of 18 and 24 are regularly sexually active, almost all women know about birth control options, but only four per cent speak to their mothers the most about contraception.”

The press release tried to rally a shard of interest by saying Vancouver gals were having more sex than Toronto. Yawn! And by dragging the moms in and sharing how they can talk to their daughters about sex and birth control.

Honey, if you haven’t had a talk to your daughter by the time she is 18 (even 13) about sex, then you’ve missed the ‘sex talk’ bus. That talk should have started, oh, about 18 years ago.

Sooooo, please explain to me again what’s newsworthy about this?

I did a few interviews when the press release came out. One radio show asked me, “So do you think these sexually active women take into account stay-at-home moms?”

There was a VERY long pause as I was so stunned by the question. Did this announcer not read the press release that said it was women 18 to 24? Not too many young ladies I know are settling down and having babies.

Calmly as I could muster, I replied neutrally, “I believe if women want to have sex one, four, ten times a week then having kids would, probably, not be their best way to do it.”

The announcer, who must have been a mom, gave me a conspiratorial laugh and said, “I completely agree.”

Let’s wait another six months until the next survey on “young women and their sexuality” is once again gracing the cover of McLean’s magazine.

TORONTO, ON – September 21 – It’s no surprise that women turn to each other most when it comes to advice on all things sex and birth control; three-in-five women (58 per cent) aged 18 to 24 in major Canadian markets confide primarily in their friends about sexuality and birth control. Surprisingly, however, a recent survey conducted by Vision Critical found that only five per cent of these young women selected their doctor or a nurse as the group they speak with most about sexuality and birth control. The survey also revealed that there are some women who choose not to talk to anyone (22 per cent).

“When women become sexually active, talking about sex and birth control with a professional is really important,” says certified relationship and sexuality therapist/educator, Rebecca Rosenblat. “With so many options available today, what works for one woman may not suit another, so it’s important that decisions are based on personal research and a professional’s advice.”

The survey found that half of young women 18 to 24 in major Canadian markets are sexually active on a regular basis, and women in urban markets like Montreal and Vancouver are more active than those in Toronto. Of these sexually active women, two-thirds (63 per cent) are having sexual intercourse at least once a week.

The good news is that these young women are using birth control and half (52 per cent) of respondents said that both partners are equally responsible for ensuring effective birth control is in place.

Rebecca is pleased that young women are responsible when it comes to birth control, but with so many options available, she wants to encourage women to do their own research and talk to a professional to consider what is right for them. Rebecca is available for interviews during the week of September 20 to discuss the survey results, as well as:
· What young women want to know about sex;
· Tips and conversation starters on how to make talking to a doctor or nurse easier; and,
· How women can choose the birth control option that’s right for them.

I have a 9, 11 and 13 year old with varying interests it seems there are always three thousand places to be and only one of me to get them there. We do put a limit on activities and work around schedules as best we can but even a single activity per child means running at least 4 nights a week as well as fitting in dance competitions, tournaments and birthday parties and sleepovers. Add to that an actual job and a business and it leaves precious little time for my husband, family and friends, taking care of my home, cooking and gardening on our acreage.  Somehow things work out.

This summer my goal was to see some white space on that calendar for once…to have room for the groovy stickers. I shut down all kinds of nifty ideas for activities and just made sure everyone had a well deserved rest. We slept in when we could. We played cards. We stopped for ice cream. We danced in the living room.  We played ping pong and basketball. We looked at the amazing night sky. I sat on my deck with my dogs in the mornings and drank my coffee. We went to the beach.

Now after 2 months of relative peace and quiet I find I am ready to start back to routine. I have my colored pens and a fresh calendar ready.  Bring it on.  :)

Then as we passed by a house, a loud scream ripped us from our lovely-dovey reverie. Confused at first, it became apparent—to me—that the ‘scream’ was a woman having very energetic sex.

Giggling, I looked at my husband who also looked confused—which made me laugh even harder. As the realization of what was going on came over him, I witnessed a myriad of emotions. First amusement, then embarrassment and then sadness.

My giggles turned into a half-hearted nervous titter. We hadn’t had that kind of loud sex for a very, very long time. Not knowing what to say, I said as much to him.

“I don’t think we ever had loud sex,” he countered.

Flashbacks of noisy and uninhibited sex—at least noisy and uninhibited for me—where our bedroom window was open and I didn’t care if our harmless but slightly creepy neighbor could hear what was going on.

Defensively I chirped in, “You have such a selective memory.”

Realizing he had made a major faux pas that might cost him sex this week, he backed up and countered with, “Well, we were never had sex that loud.”

I backed down too. It was a mute point to fight about rambunctious sex since we both knew we wouldn’t be having some anytime soon.

Trying to lighten the mood I offered, “I did a radio interview where the announcer confided on air, ‘I once had sex with a really loud woman and during the sex I thought, ‘I’m good…but I’m not that good.’”

My husband (thankfully) laughed and added in his analytical fashion, “Yes, the level of noise has to be the same by both participants. Otherwise, the person’s who’s making less noise starts gets distracted.”

I couldn’t help but wonder when or if the days of loud sex were over for us. We used to have sex during afternoon naps but now my toddler has grown out of taking them.

As hope springs eternal, I sometimes daydream that maybe, just maybe this year we can take a parent’s only holiday. Hotel sex is supposed to be loud.

Seeing your partner flirt, understandably, can bring out insecurities and jealousy. Yet, innocent flirting can add an immense amount of zest to your intimacy and sex life.

Think of flirting as window shopping for those in a committed relationship. You have to admit that it’s really nice when you (or your partner) can still feel attractive and sexy to other people.

Best of all, when your partner has permission to flirt then brings that wonderful flirting energy home to you it creates a happy couple connection.

As for mild jealousy, it actually affirms the affection within your relationship. That said, a well-balanced individual will not twist their jealously into a full-blown fight.

Here’s some easy things to do to give flirting a try:
• Talk through what is acceptable and not acceptable flirting behavior. For example: It’s okay for you both to chat and laugh with others but it’s crossing the line when: (fill in the blank).
• The first time you go out as a couple take baby-steps.
• Make a pact that neither of you will keep secrets when it comes to flirting.

There is something empowering and sexy to be confident enough in your relationship to allow flirting. Try it, you might find you really like it.

Great Sex Tip
If you can’t tell your partner about your flirting experience, you’ve crossed the line and shouldn’t be doing it.